


Failure

by mysterionparks



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcoholic Stan Marsh, Alcoholism, Angry Kyle Broflovski, Depression, Eric Cartman & Heidi Turner Implied, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Implied Wendy Testaburger & Heidi Turner, Jealous Kyle Broflovski, Kyle Broflovski & Stan Marsh Friendship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Protective Kenny, Stan Marsh & Kenny McCormick Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-12-30 04:36:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 72,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18308312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysterionparks/pseuds/mysterionparks
Summary: It's been two years since Stan and Kyle stopped being friends. Stan turned to alcohol to numb himself, while Kyle buried himself in school. They both convinced themselves they didn't need each other, but Stan can't ignore Kyle anymore when he realizes he has feelings for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started writing this story on Wattpad (as mysterionparks) and decided to move here as I continue with the story!
> 
> General Warnings: Alcoholism, drug abuse, some violence, depression, suicidal thoughts/suicide attempts, crude language, offensive slurs.

Nothing was the same after fourth grade. Seven years had passed, and being a kid, it doesn't seem like that much time, but with everything Stan had been through, it seemed like a life time of utter shit.

 

Stan was almost constantly alone now. During freshman year of high school, Kyle had finally had enough of Stan's destructive behavior, and distanced himself from Stan. After Wendy left him, shortly after Kyle did, Stan fell into despair, the only one hanging around him at that point, was Kenny. Although Tweek and Craig sometimes hung out with Stan and Kenny, they could never put up with his depressed attitude long. Kenny was the only one who was strong enough to take his shit, and care. 

Kyle was really only focused on school. At that point in their Junior year of high school, Kyle was dating Bebe, but was constantly distressed over school, still trying to be the best, and trying to beat Cartman. Although he still thought of Stan once and awhile, he thought he was better off not associating with someone who was that selfish. 

Cartman was completely disassociated with any of his former 'friends', constantly up the ass of anyone that gave him even the slightest bit of attention. He never had a designated group of 'friends' to bother anymore, he just kind of bounced around from person to person, most of the time just ending up with Butters.

Kenny was still poor, and still occasionally scoped the town as Mysterion, mainly watching over his best friend, Stan, and his sister, Karen. Kyle still talked to Kenny, but Kenny always avoided hanging out with him, due to the fact that he left Stan during his worst time. Kenny had become very protective over Stan since his dad left, and spent most of his time taking care of him, despite Stan constantly lashing out at him.

Nothing was simple anymore. They weren't kids anymore, and although things could've been worse, no one was truly happy. And things could only get worse from there.

 

 

While everyone was in class, Stan was sitting alone of the bathroom floor in the big stall, a bottle of whiskey that he stole from the store in his hand. Stan had his head leaned on the wall, staring at the tiles, trying to stop the tears that were constantly running down his face with no control. As he wiped his cheeks and eyes with his sleeves, he took another long swig, laughing to himself slightly as he got up, swaying. 

Stan stuck the half empty bottle in his backpack and popped a piece of gum in his mouth. He had skipped third period again for the second time that week, but to him, it didn't matter anymore. Stan had completely given up on trying to do anything good for himself since his dad left when he was a Freshman. He was convinced he was destined to be a failure, and nothing more.

Knowing he had a few minutes before the bell rang for fourth period, Stan stood in front of the mirror looking into his sunken eyes, bloodshot and dark from his lack of sleep, and constant state of drunkenness. At school, he mostly always tipsy until the end of the day, where he would be sober enough to drive him and Kenny home.

Just as Stan was thinking about how disappointed Kenny would be again, Kenny happened to walk in, already knowing that Stan would be in there. Kenny sighed as he looked at Stan's state and squeezed the bridge of his nose, walking over to him, fixing his disheveled clothes and hair.

"Stan," Kenny started as he backed away, sighing heavily. "I hate when you do this to yourself."

Stan simply just shrugged and gave him a sad smile. "I know, and I love you for it, dude."

The two boys left the bathroom together, Kenny watching every move Stan was making, just in case he needed to catch him. They didn't speak a word to each other as they walked to Algebra II, but even though it might've looked awkward, both of them were not very talkative people.

As they neared their class at the end of the hallway, both Kenny and Stan tensed up as they noticed Kyle holding hands with Bebe at his locker, laughing as a group of their peers surrounded him, intently listening to what he had to say. Kenny scoffed, but noticed that Stan looked away almost immediately, his eyes glued to the floor as he shoved his hands in his pockets, biting his lips harshly.

Kyle made eye contact with Kenny and smile, but Kenny rolled his eyes and continued walking with Stan, not wanting to associate with the person who was the source of Stan's pain. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, Stan was more torn up about losing Kyle than he was about losing Wendy or his dad, and Kenny had known it since the beginning.

As they walked into class, Stan and Kenny did a quick version of their handshake as they separated, sitting on opposite sides of the classroom. Stan sat in the second row, next to Craig, while Kenny sat in the back by Butters, his favorite person to fuck with.

As the class started, Stan zoned out and started doodling in his notebook, occasionally hiccuping from chugging his whiskey in the bathroom. Stan had a decent grade in the class, and felt that it was unnecessary to pay attention in the class, it's not like the teacher gave a shit anyways.

Although Stan hated this class, it happened to be Kenny's favorite, purely for the fact that all he was bother Butters and make him flustered. Ever since Eighth grade, Kenny had openly been bisexual, pretty much fucking anything that moved, but he had always admired Butters and how he struggled to have everyone like and accept him.

Kenny leaned over towards Butters, looking at his paper as he quickly wrote down notes, trying to ignore how close Kenny was getting to him. Kenny gently placed his hooded head on Butter's small shoulder, causing him to stop writing, a blush immediately creeping over his face. "'Sup Butters?"

Butters attempted to shrug Kenny off, but he didn't budge, only getting closer. "W-what do you want, Kenny?"

Kenny pulled off his shoulder and bopped his nose playfully, the red tint on Butter's face growing. "Just checking in with my favorite guy. You look lovely today."

He looked down at his simple sweater and jeans before looking back at Kenny, his face so hot he could barely make eye contact with him. "I ain't wearing nothin' special, b-but thanks, Kenny."

From across the room, Stan watched as Kenny bothered Butters as always and smiled slightly, enjoying seeing Kenny so interested in someone. Although Stan was always wallowing in self-pity and hate, the one thing he wanted most in the world, was for Kenny to be happy. He hated that Kenny had to deal with his family, and Stan everyday, but he always insisted on helping everyone around him - that's why Stan admired Kenny.

Stan looked away from them and back at the clock, sighing in relief when he realized that the class was already half over. Unfortunately, there were seven class hours in the day, and only one of them Stan liked. His favorite class, was Drawing III, where most of the kids goofed off and did whatever they wanted, but Stan worked hard in that class, drawing characters for his comics that he hoped to publish one day.

There were two downsides to that class though - Kenny wasn't in it, and Kyle was in it. Stan hated thinking about Kyle, so whenever he saw him during school, his stomach twisted in knots, resulting in him either wanting to get sick or cry.

As Stan was lost in his thoughts, the bell rang, causing the kids to immediately starting packing their things. Stan waited at his desk for Kenny, waving to Craig as smiled tightly at him, and watched as Kenny pinched Butters' cheek, winking at him before walking over to Stan. No matter how far their classrooms were from each other, Kenny walked Stan to his classes, mainly to make sure that he wasn't going somewhere to drink, even though Kenny knew Stan would find a way to drink.

While walking to their class a few halls away, Stan chuckled slightly, which made Kenny turn to him, slightly surprised that he just heard Stan genuinely laugh. "How's Butters?"

Kenny threw his back and laughed, causing a few people to look at him, mostly admirers. "Stan, he's fucking fantastic. Just so cute."

Stan smirked and bumped him with his elbow, wiggling his eyebrows. "So, why haven't you asked him out?"

Kenny shrugged, his smile getting whipped off of his face immediately. "You know why Stan."

Of course he knew, but that never stopped Stan from trying to encourage him anyways, especially since Kenny was always encouraging him in every way possible. "Ken, you are good enough for him. I know that won't convince you, but I'll pound that into your head until you fucking get it, m'kay?"

Kenny laughed into his covered mouth at the reference to how Mr. Mackey always talked, a joke that would always be funny to them. "M'kay, Stan."

Stan burst out laughing louder than he had in a long time, causing Kenny to laugh hard along with him, leaning on him for support. Kenny leaned against the lockers, wiping a tear from his eye, a large smile still on his face as he watched Stan try to catch his breath. "M'kay we're at your classroom."

"Dude!" Stan shouted at him between uncontrollable laughs, hiccuping violently from how hard he had consistently been laughing. "Alright man, I'll catch you after class."

"M'kay, dude." Kenny and Stan did their handshake as Stan stifled more laughs, feeling good for the first time in days. Kenny ran off towards his classroom as Stan walked into his classroom with a smile on his face for once, but he was still left wondering whether it was the alcohol, or true happiness.

From the other end of the hall where Stan and Kenny had just been, Kyle had seen the whole thing, his heart ached as he had watched his two former best friends having such a good time together. Kyle left his group and walked into Stan's classroom, his mood being shaken from what he just witnessed. It wasn't that he didn't like seeing Stan happy, he just hated that he wasn't like that all the time, so they could be friends again.

Kyle sat at his usual seat, trying not to glance at Stan, and instead pulled out his laptop, checking online for his grades. As the page loaded, Kyle almost threw up right in the art room. The room spun around him as he saw his grade from Calculus:

D-

How could he be such a failure?


	2. Chapter 2

As Kyle stared at his grade, his stomach twisting, people around him began to ask if he was okay. He stood up abruptly as the teacher was in the middle of talking and ran out of the room without a word, ignoring the teacher's demands.

Everyone started murmuring about Kyle while Stan stared after him, his eyebrows scrunched together, not in concern, but in anger. Kyle runs out of class once and everyone is concerned about him? Fucking assholes. Stan thought to himself while scowling and turning back to his sketch books, trying to ignore the annoyance pinging in his temple.

"Stan," He snapped his head up to the teacher who suddenly called his name, noticing how everyone was staring at him. "please go check on Kyle."

Stan put down his pencil, glancing over at Bebe, and Clyde, who were his best friend and girlfriend, putting his hands up in confusion. "Why me? I don't like Kyle, can you send someone who cares?"

The teacher rubbed her temples and groaned as she glared at Stan. "I asked you, so go. Now."

Stan threw down his pencil and walked out of the room casually, his hands shoved in his pockets. He wasn't even sure where Kyle would go, he really didn't know him anymore, so he could've been anywhere. Stan decided to check the bathroom, and was actually surprised when he heard crying. He peered under the stalls and saw Kyle curled up against the wall crying and breathing heavily.

He sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He refused to have sympathy for someone who abandoned him, said awful things to him, and clearly never cared about him. No, he would not feel bad for this selfish asshole.

Stan banged on the door harshly, causing Kyle to jump to his feet. "Kyle, you have to go back to class."

Kyle opened the door before Stan could turn and walk away, his eyes red and puffy, his shoulders in a defeated slump. "Why'd she send you?"

Stan closed his eyes for a minute, trying not to hit Kyle for being such a little prick. "I don't fucking know, why don't you ask her yourself?"

Kyle visibly flinched at his tone, but Stan didn't care, simply just turning around and heading back towards class. Kyle ran to catch up with him, walking next to him, much to Stan's annoyance, and began to talk. "I-I fucked up in one of my classes, which is going to mess my grades up, and that's also going to mess up my whole GPA. Oh god, then I won't be able to get into a good college, and shit my parents are going to be so disappointed-"

Stopping in his tracks right before their classroom, Stan turned to Kyle with a bored expression. "I don't give a fuck. Don't talk to me about your problems like we're friends. You are the one that decided I wasn't good enough to be your friend. So, fuck off, grow up and stop be a fucking cry baby."

Without another word from a stunned Kyle, Stan walked into the classroom, Kyle slowly following him in, his hands in his pockets, staring only at the ground. The teacher immediately approached Kyle, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. "Why did you think it was okay to leave the class without permission?"

Kyle looked up slightly, staring off into the distance, responding in a monotone voice: "I'm sorry, I got very upsetting news."

The teacher looked over Kyle's face and simply asked him to return to his seat to work, letting it go because she could see how disturbed he was. Kyle plopped down into his seat, his friends asking him questions, but all Kyle did was stare towards Stan, who was focused in on his sketchbook, a scowl on his face.

Why did Stan's words hurt Kyle so deeply?

 

~

 

The rest of class went by quickly for Stan as he finished his pencil outline for a page of his comic book. No one in class ever knew what he was working on, but the teacher was so amazed with his talent, she gave him a full credit just for working everyday on his project. Only Kenny knew about it, and what it was exactly.

Stan grabbed his sketch book and shoved it into his backpack just as the bell rang, his music playing loudly in his ear buds as he hurried to catch Kenny for their next class. As he left, out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kyle watching him, but Stan simply looked at him and stuck his middle finger up before falling in with the crowd, desperate to rant to his best friend.

Kenny was by the bathroom where Kyle had run to, standing against a wall on his phone, patiently waiting for Stan. As Stan got closer to Kenny, he put his phone in his pocket and beamed at Stan as he saw him, his eyes practically sparkling.

"Stan the man," Kenny threw his arm around Stan's shoulders as they walked towards their English class. "I've got some amazing shit to tell you."

Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Bet it's not better than my shit."

Kenny raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "Damn alright, I'll go first." Stan rolled his eyes yet again, but nodded at him to continue anyways, despite Kenny being dramatic. "Ya know how I kept trying to get Butters' number? Well he finally gave it to me, and he actually texted back."

Stan smiled at him and gave him a high five so hard, it echoed through the hallway. "Nice, Ken! 'Bout damn time for him to give into you."

Kenny smirked and smoothly put him hands in his pockets with pride. "I know right. But tell me your thing."

Stan and Kenny walked into their next class, where, thankfully, they were able to choose their own seats, and walked to the back of the classroom, Stan remaining quietly until they could actually discuss it in private. Once they were seated, Kenny stared at Stan in anticipation as Stan got his notebook and book out, to prepare for class.

After a moment, Stan turned towards Kenny a small smile on his face. "So, this is kind of funny, but I'm also pretty annoyed with it."

Kenny nodded, glancing at the clock to check how much time they had until class actually started. "Well Jesus dude, fucking spill it."

"Alright," Stan chuckled lightly and leaned a little closer to him, lowering his voice. "So I was in art, and Kyle randomly got up and ran out of the room like a little bitch. I didn't give a shit, but everyone was like, 'Oh my god, Kyle' because they're assholes. So then, the teacher told me to go get for some stupid reasons, I really don't understand why she didn't send Bebe or Clyde. Anyways, so Kyle was sitting on the floor crying like a bitch, and I told him to go back to class. The first thing he says to me is, 'Why'd she send you?', which is typical." Stan took a large breath, Kenny looking tired from the way Stan told stories, he was just awful at it. "He follows me back to class and starts ranting to me about how he's failing a class and he's stressed, but I don't give a shit, so I go off on him and he doesn't say a word. Then when we're leaving the classroom I see him staring at me all sad, and shit, which is ridiculous because he's proven before than he doesn't give a shit. I just flipped him off and left. I don't understand what his fucking deal is."

Kenny is silent for a minute as he fights back a smirk, he found this pretty funny too, especially since it was obvious that Stan and Kyle were being little bitches, but there was no way in hell that he would ever tell Stan something like that. "Alright, but we both know he thinks the world has to bow to him, and he's the smartest guy ever."

Stan rolls his eyes and chuckles, nodding along with Kenny. "Yeah, he's a piece of shit, man. I just don't understand why he was ranting to me."

Kenny shrugged as the last of the students came in. "He just wanted sympathy, don't pay attention to him."

 

~

 

While everyone else was in fifth hour, Kyle was in the school office, having a full mental breakdown in front of the nurse. He refused to give up any information, even when his mother demanded on the phone that he explain what was upsetting him so much. Sure, his grade is what really made him upset, but his counter with Stan really sent him over the edge, and he wasn't even really sure why.

Kyle did miss Stan, but their friendship had to end because all Stan did was make him feel bad, drink, and talk about suicide. Kyle couldn't have that negativity in his life,and although it hurt him to do so, he still thought it was the best for him. Kyle was popular now, everyone liked him, he had a beautiful girlfriend, and supportive friends, yet, something was missing.

After Kyle was able to calm down enough to drink water and be able to breath normally, he felt ridiculous for going to the office and complaining over something so stupid. After a few more minutes of calming himself down, Kyle was able to go to his fifth hour, the thoughts of his grades making his stomach twist violently. He decided he had no option, but to stay after school and do a shit load of extra credit. Whatever it took to fix his grade, Kyle was going to do it.

 

~Time skip to end up the day~

 

Stan had finally made it to the end of what seemed to be the longest day of his life, pretty much sprinting to his car in the parking lot, weirdly energetic. As Stan got to his beat up GMC Syclone, he felt his body relax after a shitty day, although he didn't feel as shitty as normal, and Stan felt some relief, although as he got in the driver's seat he frowned as he pondered whether it was because he was sober for once.

As Stan put music on while waiting for Kenny to distract himself from his thoughts, he noticed Kyle in one of the math rooms, desperately talking to one of the teachers as he anxiously played with his fingers. Stan frowned deeply as he saw the distress on Kyle's face, and felt his heart sink. He hated to admit it, but even though he hated Kyle for hurting him, he hated seeing Kyle upset even more. Just as Stan was considering walking back into the school to talk to him, Kyle turned to look out the window as the teacher left for something, his eyes locking with Stan's.

Although Stan was startled by this, he couldn't break eye contact with Kyle, and felt something his stomach rumble, as Kyle waved at him, a sad smile on his face. Stan stared for a moment before waving back slightly, biting his lips as Kyle turned away from the window when the teacher came back in.

Suddenly, the passenger door ripped open and Kenny plopped next to him, watching as Stan looked towards the window still, hoping that Kyle would look at him again, but he wasn't really sure why. Kenny cleared his throat and Stan turned towards him, acting as if everything was normal. "Oh hey, Ken."

Kenny smirked a little as Stan looked turned the window again. He decided not to pressure Stan about it though, for it would make him upset or angry, and Kenny enjoyed seeing Stan slowly realize things. "So, my house or yours?"

Stan cleared his throat and shrugged, grabbing the gear shift and putting it in reverse. "My mom won't be home until late, so let's go to mine."

Kenny nodded and watched as Stan never took his eyes off the window as he backed up, Kyle watching as they left where he was at a desk. The short drive to Stan's, he couldn't stop thinking about his change in attitude towards Kyle, of course he was still angry at him, but he couldn't help to care about him. It was very confusing for Stan, and refused to think anything good towards Kyle anymore as they pulled up to his house, following Kenny in.

Most days, Kenny came over because he hated being home, he only ever went home if his sister, Karen, called and asked him to come home. Stan's mom worked three jobs to support her and Stan, and Shelley was off at college, so most nights, Stan and Kenny were alone to do whatever.

As part of their daily routine, Stan went into the kitchen, and started to make some casserole to last them a few days, taking swigs from his whiskey bottle under the sink between ingredients. As the casserole was in the oven, the boys turned on family guy, Stan starting to drink more and more, which Kenny knew would result in him drunk before the casserole was even done.

The oven beeped and Stan tried to get up, immediately falling back down due to how much he had drank in a short amount of time. Kenny got up and took the casserole out of the oven, grabbing a Gatorade and a piece for Stan. It was sad, but this is what happened almost every day after school. Most friends would usually be sick of taking care of their drunk friend, but Kenny was more understanding than most, and refused to abandon his best friend who needed him.

As Stan waited for Kenny to come back he stared up at the ceiling, tears starting to form in his eyes as he thought of Kyle, and all of the good memories they used to have. Stan felt his chest ache as his tears spilled over, despair taking over his mind as realized everyone but Kenny and his mom had left him because he wasn't good enough.

Stan wasn't good enough for Kyle, and he never would be. Slipping into unconsciousness, Stan felt a horrific pain take over his mind, and he knew, despite being drunk as hell, that this was going to be his last good day for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

It was three in the morning in South Park, most people were sleeping, but Kyle was still awake in his room, desperate to finish his extra credit. He had to finish it, he had to be in the best in his class, he had to be perfect. 

No one ever told Kyle he needed to be perfect, but the boy set high expectations for himself ever since he has young, and his anxiety never let him rest anymore. Kyle felt as if he wasn't perfect, he was a failure, and deserved to die, despite everyone in his life expressing how proud they were of him.

As Kyle finally began to finish up his assignment, his exhaustion hitting him hard as he struggled to keep his eyes open, Stan crossed his thoughts again. It wasn't like Stan hadn't crossed his mind since their friendship fell through, it was just strange that it was happening more frequently than Kyle would've liked.

"Maybe I'm feeling guilty?" Kyle muttered to himself before shrugging, and sending in his assignment, his eyes half closed. As Kyle dragged himself into his bed, he found himself again wondering about Stan, and wondered how he was doing.

Kyle huffed at himself as his eyes snapped open, he was getting really tired of thinking about Stan. He reached in his nightstand and pulled out some Melatonin, popping two in his mouth so he would fall asleep faster, not think about Stan.

"You know what? Fuck Stan, he was an asshole to me today." Kyle said to himself again, not even realizing he was talking out loud. Finally as he fell asleep, he turned his curiosity for Stan into anger and hate.

~

"Stan!" 

Stan stirred on the couch, trying to fight waking up and having to deal with his hangover. Someone slapped Stan's face and he shot up, immediately holding his head in pain. "Fuck! I'm up, goddamn.."

Kenny stood next to him, throwing clothes at him in annoyance, clearly not happy about Stan getting that wasted again. "You smell like shit, go shower."

Stan nodded slowly as Kenny walked away, probably going to eat breakfast. Stan got up slowly, his eyes only half open, but still able to see the pills, water, and bread on the table next to the couch. Stan smiled slightly and made a mental note to thank Kenny, yet again, and made his way upstairs to his shower. While in the shower, Stan grabbed for his hidden flask, taking some long swigs before finishing his shower, just to get him through the morning.

As predicted, Stan woke up feeling very, very depressed. He felt as if a weight was on his back, and he knew it wasn't from the hangover, especially after experiencing it so many times. After getting dressed, Stan ate the rest of the bread and took the pills with the rest of the water, his stomach calming somewhat.

Stan found Kenny in the kitchen, making eggs, toast, and coffee, Family Guy playing on the TV again. Kenny turned around as he heard Stan trudge into the kitchen, offering him a tight smile. Stan sat down at the counter, rubbing his temple as he breathed slowly, trying to will himself not to throw up.

"Ken," Kenny turned and looked at Stan, humming in response. "thank you for the water, pills and food. I'm sorry I got that drunk again, and passed out on you. I'm being a really, really shitty friend."

Kenny sighed, and felt his annoyance melt away as he could pretty much sense the mental state Stan was in again. Unfortunately, there wasn't much Kenny could do but take care of him when he was fucked up. "Stan, it's fine." Stan shook his head and buried himself in his arms. "Look, I understand you're going through shit, and that's why I'm here for you no matter what, I just wish you wouldn't drink so much."

Stan looked up and nodded, chuckling dryly, the dark circles under his eyes only appearing heavier. "I wish I wouldn't either, but it's the only thing keeping me from driving off a cliff."

Before Kenny could say anything to that disturbing confession, Stan walked back towards upstairs. Kenny looked down at his coffee, frowning deeply. This was truly getting out of his control, especially since Stan had never said before that he wanted to die. He wasn't sure what to do exactly, and contemplated telling his mom, but he also knew that would make Stan hate him. 

Kenny was stuck watching his best friend drink himself to death.

~

Stan and Kenny were now in the truck, silently making the short drive to school. Stan hadn't said anything since his confession to Kenny, and Kenny couldn't even think of anything to say to Stan. He was oblivious to the fact that he had caused stress for Kenny, Stan just didn't know how to address it directly.

After a moment of thinking about it, Stan sighed, interrupting the silence. "I'm sorry I put that confession on you earlier, I don't know what's wrong with me, man.."

Kenny glanced at Stan, his eyes clouded over slightly. "You can't just stay that shit to me, you're my best friend, and I need you in my life."

Stan smiled a real smile, turning into the school. "Okay, Ken, I promise I'll be strong for you."

"And your mom." Kenny stated quickly, his arms crossed as they parked.

"And my mom." Stan and Kenny did their handshake, but as Stan pulled away he felt Kenny give him something. He looked down at his hand and saw a baggy of pills he didn't recognize. "What's this?"

Kenny smirked, taking one of the bag and swallowing it quickly. "Look, I don't condone your self destructive behavior, but you need to have some real fun, so we're gonna do Oxy all day."

Stan looked at the baggy and scowled. "I've never done these before, you sure I'll be good."

Kenny shrugged, before nodding. "If you can handle being drunk at school, you can definitely handle this. Besides, I'll be with you, and I've done this before."

After looking at the pill for a moment, Stan shrugged and swallowed it quickly with some water, checking around them to make sure no one saw. He stuck the bag of pills in his secret pocket where his whiskey was, and watched as Kenny swiped it, throwing it into the back. "Hey, why'd you do that?"

"You cannot drink while on pills." Kenny said bluntly, knowing that he definitely would have if Kenny didn't take it out of his bag. "Okay, ready?"

"I won't get addicted to these, right?" Stan questioned, a little anxious about the outcome of this day. He had always preferred alcohol over drugs, although he liked weed, he'd rather be drunk that high. 

Kenny pointed towards his bag, taking down his hood for the first time weeks, throwing the coat on the seat, since it was kind of warm that day. "That's why I only got a small amount for today."

Stan also shrugged off his coat, noticing how warm the air was, before following Kenny inside, a little excited for the new experience he was going to have. Kenny lead them to their locker, getting stared at by nearly everyone for not having his hood on. Even Stan could admit that Kenny was a really nice looking dude, and he really didn't understand why he always hid his face from everyone.

Stan and Kenny grabbed their shit from their lockers before slamming them, and continuing towards their first hour, Chemistry. On their way to Chemistry, Stan spotted Kyle at Bebe's locker, listening to her talk. As soon as Kyle noticed Stan looking at him, he stared back, noticing that Stan wasn't wearing his usual coat, but instead of waving like he did the day before, he rolled his eyes at Stan before turning back to Bebe. Stan wasn't upset by it, in fact, he smiled, feeling amused by Kyle's bitchiness. 

Kenny watched all of this unfolded and couldn't help, but look at Stan with a huge smirk on his face as soon as he turned to Kenny. "Dude," He started, biting back a huge grin as Stan's face got a little red. "Do you wanna tell me something?"

Stan glared at Kenny, his face still red. "Fuck off, Kenny."

Stan pushed around him and went into class, followed by Kenny laughing and still teasing him as they walked into class. Just as the bell was about to ring, Kyle hurriedly walked in, sitting in the front of Kenny's side of the room. As expected, Kenny pointed at Kyle and made sexual signs with his hands, which Stan just responded by flipping him off. Kyle happened to look up in that point and saw Stan with his middle finger up, he looked behind him and saw Kenny in the middle of him finger fucking a hole he made with his other hand. Kyle laughed at him before looking back at Stan, holding his middle finger for a moment, before the bell rang, snapping Kyle to start paying attention automatically.

Half way through class, Stan started to feel like everything just felt really good, his body relaxed and he couldn't but to smile from how good he felt. He looked over at Kenny and gave him a  loopy smile, causing Kenny to have to cover his mouth to keep from laughing loudly. Stan's eyes glued to Kyle as he watched his write quickly, his eyebrows knitted together tightly, his red curly hair falling slightly into his eyes as he struggled to keep up with the notes.

Oh shit I like Kyle. Stan realized as he found himself practically drooling over him in the middle of class. He quickly looked down at his papers and started to doodle nervously as he realized that he had always had feelings for Kyle, and that it shouldn't been obvious to him for a long time. There was no way in hell he was going to tell anyone though, not even Kenny, if he told him, he'd get teased forever.

Although it was a scary realization, the pill relaxed Stan, and he quickly came to terms with it, finding himself constantly looking at Kyle whenever he could. Right before the bell rang, the last glance he stole at Kyle, was met by his eyes, but instead of looking away, he smiled and winked, causing Kyle's facing to twist in confusion. As soon as the bell rang, Kyle pretty much sprinted out the door, suddenly feeling very anxious and confused. 

As for Stan, he felt good and confident, something he hadn't felt in a long time. As soon as he and Kenny were in the hallway, Kenny smirked at him, his eyes slightly hazy. "How do you feel?"

Stan nodded while smiling, waving at a few people. "Realllyyy good, dude."

"So," Kenny started stopping by their second hour. "I saw you wink at Kyle. Still don't have anything to tell me?"

Well, I can't deny it now. Stan took a deep breath before chuckling, putting his hand over his eyes, whispering in Kenny's ear. "Yeah, I like Kyle."

Kenny shrugged, his hands casually in his pockets. "I know."

"What?!" Stan shouted, completely forgetting they were in school, earning some glares. Stan's eyes were wide as he lowered his voice to a whisper. "What do you mean you know?"

"Dude, it's obvious." Kenny rolled his eyes, but as he saw the look of confusion on Stan's face, he became confused himself. "Wait, wait - did you just figure that out?"

Stan face palmed, the slap echoing through the nearly empty hallways. "Ugh, yes."

Kenny looked around and motioned Stan to come into the classroom. "We'll talk more later, we're gonna be late."

Stan nodded as he followed Kenny in, nearly forgetting that Kyle was also in this class too. Now Stan just felt fucking stupid for being so weird, it was obvious to Kenny, then it must've been obvious to Kyle. He pretty much automatically assumed that it wasn't possible because Kyle was the type of person who would talk to someone about that type of stuff, but if Stan continued to be flirty, he was sure to notice.

To avoid being obvious, Stan doodled all of class, doing everything he could to not have to look up and accidentally see Kyle. Between his panicking and his doodles, the hour went by fast, without him even looking at Kyle once. Stan was relieved when the hour finished and took another pill in the bathroom, pushing down his anxiety.

~Skip to Lunch (I forgot to give them a lunch in the last chapter just ignore that lmao)~

After third hour, Stan was back to being very happy and giggly, meeting Kenny at their table with a wide smile and lots of food on his tray. Most of the time, Stan didn't eat at lunch, or really at all, so it was comforting to Kenny to see him eating. Kenny couldn't help but to laugh as Stan started shoving food in his mouth mercilessly, flipping him off when he saw him staring.

"Damn dude, it's not weed, you shouldn't be this hungry." Kenny chuckled as he said this, slowly taking a bite of his sandwich.

Stan shrugged as he finished his burger in pretty much one bite. "Well usually the reason I don't is being I'm depressed, and I'm happy right now."

Kenny just nodded, glancing sadly at Stan. It was scary for him to admit that he was purposefully not eating, and it was just one more thing for Kenny to worry about when it came to his friend.

As Kenny sat in silence, Stan's eyes drifted around the room casually, but in the back of his head, he knew that he was looking for Kyle. A sense of relief washed over him as he saw Kyle next to Token and Bebe, chatting happily, and laughing at something one of them had said. Just as he was full on staring, a couple people set the trays on the table, causing Stan to literally jumping.

"Damn Marsh," Craig laughed as he sat with Tweek next to Kenny, noticing his weird, on-edge state. "you jumpy 'cause you can't stop thinking of fucking Kyle?"

Stan's head snapped to him, his eyes flickering between Craig and Kenny, while Kenny shrugged, trying to confirm that he had nothing to do with it. Stan looked back at Tweek and Craig, getting close enough to whisper. "How did you know I liked Kyle? Is it that obvious?"

Tweek giggled into Craig's shoulder, twitching slightly. "D-dude! You make it so o-obvious!"

Craig nodded along with him, leaning his against Tweek's. Stan groaned and slapped his forehead, his face going slightly pale as he realized how stupid he was being. "I'm fucked."

Seemingly out of nowhere, Butters took the empty seat next to Kenny, awkwardly waving at the group. Stan looked at Kenny smirking, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manor, making Kenny blush a little and flip Stan off. Just as Stan was about to ask Butters why he was suddenly sitting with them, Cartman sat down next to him, earning stares from everyone at the table.

"What do you want, fatass?" Stan spat at him, remembering the shit Cartman had put them through as kids - especially Kyle.

"Well Stan," Cartman stretched, and put a hand on Stan's middle back, smirking proudly with himself. "I saw you staring at Jew-boy."

"Just fuck off." Stan moved farther away from Cartman, blushing slightly as he panicked. There was no way, in any universe, that Cartman was going to let this go. 

Cartman put his hands up defensively. "Relax, I'm not going to tell anyone. Just interested."

Stan scrunched his eyebrows together as Cartman got up without another word and left the Cafeteria. Fuck, this isn't good. Stan thought to himself as he stared after Cartman, panicking still attacking his chest as he thought about the possibility of Cartman spreading it around the school. It was just stupid feelings from when they were kids, nothing more.

As his eyes moved to Kyle's table, he was met Kyle's eyes again, but this time, he could tell just by the stare, that Kyle was wondering why Cartman was talking to them. Stan shrugged before looking down at his tray of food suddenly not feeling hungry. With no warning, Stan left the lunch table, walking to the bathroom with his hands shoved in his pockets, which he often did when  he was thinking terrible things.

Kenny obviously noticed immediately, but didn't want to stop Butters in the middle of his story, especially since he was actually trying to get somewhere with him. As Stan stood in the big stall in the bathroom, he held his head in his hands as he silently cried, his anxiety taking over him as he realized he was completely fucked if Cartman told anyone. He wasn't sure how his mom would react, but he was more worried about the kids in his school - mostly Kyle. He had already lost Kyle, he didn't need him bullying him.

As Stan sat crying in the bathroom stall, secretly taking another pill, Kenny stood outside the door, protecting Stan from a distance. He knew that Stan was upset and didn't want anyone walking in on him while he let out his anxieties. 

Soon, the end of lunch neared, when Kenny saw someone at the end of the hall, walking towards the bathroom. Kenny stood directly in front of the door, but as the person got closer, he realized that it was Kyle, looking down at the ground, playing with his fingers quickly in front of him. Kyle looked up and saw Kenny in front of the door, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Sorry Kyle, you can't go in." Although Kenny was still angry at Kyle for putting Stan through this much pain, he was still as kind to him as he could possibly be.

Kyle sniffled slightly, a deep frowning settling into his face. "Why not?"

Kenny looked behind him and slightly glared at Kyle, his mouth pressed tightly together. "Stan isn't feeling good."

"Did Cartman do something?" Kyle whisper-yelled, his eyes wide with sudden worry. "I know he can push Stan's buttons sometimes, especially when it comes to his dad-"

Kenny scoffed at Kyle, visibly annoyed with Kyle's sudden change in attitude when it came to Stan. "Are you serious, dude? Don't act like you care when you left him during the hardest moment of his life. I'm sick of you getting Stan's hopes up that you'll be friends again."

Kyle blinked at Kenny, confusion flashing in his eyes. "I don't want to be friends with Stan ever again, he's a self-wallowing, hateful, selfish person that I can't associate with anymore. I don't give a shit about him."

Kenny shoved Kyle suddenly, causing him to fall on his ass hard, looking up at Kenny in fear. He leaned over Kyle and pointed his finger harshly at him, a look of anger Kyle had never seen before on his face. "Don't. You. Ever. Talk about Stan like that. You have no idea what he's going through. You're a fucking asshole Kyle, don't even look at Stan again or I'll beat the shit out of you."

Kyle, with tears in his eyes, nodded and stood up slowly, quickly walking away in the opposite direction he came from, sprinting down the hall as soon as he was out of sight from Kenny. Kyle didn't totally mean the things he said, he meant some of it, but nothing so harsh. Without any regard to how Stan was feeling, Kyle locked himself in a stall, his body shuddering with the memory of Kenny being so angry at him.

While Kyle was having a breakdown in a different bathroom, Stan had overheard everything, his heart shattering all over again, just as it did during Freshman year. He thought it was best if he pretended that he didn't hear any of it, for he didn't want to upset Kenny further.

Stan came out of the bathroom, shaking slightly, but had the appearance that he was feeling better. "Hey Ken," Kenny smiled at him as if nothing had happened, though Stan could see his anger through it. "Who were you talking to?"

Kenny shrugged, avoiding Stan's eyes. "Clyde. He was just being a little bitch, so I told him to fuck off."

Stan knew he was lying, but nodded along anyways. 

After this mornings shitty events, Stan had decided he was going to get absolutely trashed tonight, alone, to just be in his sadness. If Kyle didn't care about him, he didn't care for himself anymore either. What was the point in caring anyways?


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the school day, Stan remained quiet. The anguish Stan was feeling was enough to completely shut his brain off, making him a lifeless zombie who wanted to feel nothing. Stan didn't attempt to fight these feelings away, and instead giving into them.

Kenny could see the difference in Stan from this morning, and it really disappointed him. Not that he was disappointed in Stan, but he was upset that Stan had been in such a good mood earlier, only to have it ruined. He suspected that Stan had heard him fighting with Kyle earlier, but knew bringing it up before he was ready was the opposite of the best idea right now.

Throughout the day, Kenny made sure Kyle left Stan the fuck alone - and he did, avoiding all eye contact at any costs. It's not like Stan noticed at all though, only saying the words, "hello" and "bye". Even his teachers noticed his emptiness, but decided to just leave the sad boy be.

Stan was now in his truck, his beanie off as he left the warm sun beat down on his dark while waiting for Kenny. He didn't play any music as he enjoyed the warmth, appreciating just hearing nature, trying to get his mind off of things. Just as he truly started to relax, Kyle walked out of the school alone, his books tightly pressed against his chest as he walked quickly to the sidewalk towards his house.

Kyle happened to look up and catch Stan's eye, but looked the other way immediately, walking faster than he had been. So, he still listens to Kenny Stan thought to himself while rolling his eyes, ignoring the knot forming in his stomach.

"What's up, dildo?" Kenny was leaning on the passenger side door, where the window was also down, smirking cockily as the warm wind tousled his hair. Stan couldn't help but smile gently at his best friend, and roll his eyes when he realized what Kenny had just called him.

"You getting in fucktard?" Stan asked, waiting for him to jump in like usual.

Kenny blushed for a moment, looking away and somewhere behind him. He rubbed the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact, chuckling as he started to explain. "So, I uh, kind of have a date with Butters?"

Stan immediately gasped, almost squealing like a fangirl. "No fucking way! Hell yeah, man!"

They high-fived as Stan beamed at his friend, a smile never coming off of Kenny's face. "I'll text you all the details tonight, dude. See ya later!"

As Kenny ran to catch up with Butters, Stan yelled at them: "Have fun, but use protection!"

Kenny flipped Stan off as he left the parking lot, laughing at them and their blushing faces. As soon as he was down the road though, his happiness quickly faded. He was alone, for the first time in a long time.

For the short drive home, Stan put on some music to try to distract his thoughts. Of course he was very happy that Kenny was so happy, but at the same time it was making him feel alone, and scared. What made things even worse in that moment though, was as Stan was pulling in his driveway, Kyle happened to be about to walk passed his house.

Panicking for a minute in his truck, Stan couldn't decide whether to hide or try to get in the house before Kyle saw him. He decided to try and dash into his house, but as he tried to quickly unlock the door, he dropped his keys, causing Kyle to look up and see Stan cursing at himself and fumbling with his keys.

Kyle smiled a little before he realized that if Stan saw him it would be really awkward, and Kenny would probably kill him, but he still couldn't keep his big, stupid mouth shut. "S-Stan?"

Stan whipped around as he unlocked his door, his eyes going wide, and his brain turning to mush as he looked at Kyle in front of him. Kyle looked so.. good, Stan wanted to be angry about what he heard Kyle say about him earlier, but all Stan could do was awkwardly laugh, and run into his house. 

Kyle sighed as he stared at Stan's front door, wishing that things weren't so weird. Maybe I'm the one who makes things weird? I mean, I broke up the friendship, so why should I even keep interacting with Stan? Damnnit.. Kenny's right, again Kyle thought to himself as he walked away from Stan's, a scowl on his face.

Still trying to recover from the awkwardness, Stan sat against his front door, mumbling to himself. "Jesus fucking Christ, why do I have to keep running into him? Why can't he just leave me alone." Stan groaned loudly, smacking the back of his head against the front door which caused him to wince. "It doesn't help that he's so damn cute.. Agh!"

Stan stood up slowly, rubbing the back of his head as he walked into the kitchen to find his hidden whiskey. He didn't even know what he was feeling in that moment, he just wanted to get drunk and feel good, even if it was just temporary. 

Flicking the top of the whiskey off, Stan sat on the counter top, chugging as much as he could bare. He put the bottle and started coughing, but was almost instantly pretty tipsy. Stan smiled as he felt the warm liquid spread throughout his whole body, his stomach bubbling with happiness as his despair seemed to be forgotten.

As more of the alcohol took effect, Stan put on some stupid music, and began dancing around the kitchen as he made waffles, barely able to stan by himself. Fortunately for Stan, all he had to do was stick his waffles in the toaster, and honestly - if he would've had to cook them another way, his house definitely would've burned down.

With his vision blurry and warped as hell, Stan made his way to the living room, throwing himself on the couch and putting on Rick and Morty. Usually, he and Kenny watched Family Guy, but Stan preferred Rick and Morty when he was drunk way more.

Stan looked down at his phone for the first time time really all day, and forced his eyes to focus on the notifications he had. The only thing he could comprehend was one notification:

Kyle Broflovski has added you on Snapchat!

In shock, Stan immediately slaps his forehead in shock before taking a screenshot and sending it to Kenny. Panicking and drunk, Stan simply just deletes the app and walks into the kitchen, his eyes still wide with confusion. Kenny had warned Kyle, and he was definitely going to get his ass beat now.

Because of Stan's drunken state, he was able to focus on his waffles in the kitchen. He shrugged his shoulders at himself as poured syrup on his waffles, chuckling lightly. "Dude, what the fuck.. I don't even care. F-Fuck that dumbass."

Stan giggled as he burped, clinging onto the side of the counter as he careful made his way back to the couch. Completely forgetting about what happened, Stan happily ate his waffles, laughing at random shit on the show, barely able to follow along with the story. He was completely shitfaced, worse than he had been in a long time, but for once it didn't matter because Kenny wasn't there.

Time seemed to tick by fast as Stan continued to drink that soon, it was dark out. Stan looked around, his eyes struggling to keep up with his physical movements from how fucked up he was. Stan turned his attention to the front door when he heard keys, he froze in place on the couch as he weighed the possibility of it being his mother, and decided to fake being asleep.

He set his foot down on the ground quickly to stop his head from spinning as someone walked in, quietly closing the door and slipping their shoes off. "Stan?"

Stan sat up as he recognized Kenny's voice, being blinded by the light he had flipped on as he walked in. "Oh, hey Ken!"

Kenny scowled at his state, noticing the empty whiskey bottle on the ground next to him. "You're shitfaced."

"M-Maybe." Stan hiccuped and giggled, patting the area next to him on the couch for Kenny. "Tell your father about your date."

Kenny looked at Stan weird, but decided to ignore his weird comment because he was shitfaced worse than he had been in a very long time. Even Kenny had never been this drunk before, he was sure Stan wouldn't remember anything tomorrow morning. "Alright, but I'll just have to tell you again tomorrow." Stan waited patiently, a stupid, shit grin on his face. "Butters and I walked around town for awhile, really just getting to know each other outside of school. We had never really been alone together like this before, and I got to really know him Stan. He's fucking amazing, he's the sweetest.. but.."

Stan's smile disappeared and he grabbed Kenny's hand softly, something he'd never do while sober. "I'm here for you. I mean, like, you might have to explain t-this to me again, but man, I'm here."

Although Stan slurred through the whole things, Kenny knew his words were sentimental and true. Kenny rolled his eyes but looked down into his lap, feeling exposed. "I couldn't kiss him. I'm afraid I'm going to mess him up. He's so pure, happy and sweet - I don't want to ruin the best parts of him."

"Who are you to decide that for him?" Stan asked immediately, not slurring any of the words, a small smile on his face.

"Wha-What do you mean?" Kenny was surprised at Stan's question, and the wisdom behind it.

"Why do you get to decide what is, and isn't good for him? He-he's a smart boy. If he wants to be with you, he made that choice, n-not you. Silly." Stan chuckled, pinching Kenny's cheeking, almost falling into him as his vision wavered for a second.

Kenny steadied Stan and smiled widely at him. "I know you're drunk, but damn dude, that was some wisdom."

Stan flipped his imaginary, long hair back, smiling as he squeezed his eyes closed with pride. "You'll be surprised what you don't know about me, Ken."

Shaking his head, Kenny lifted Stan up off the couch carefully, leading him to his room without a fight. Kenny knew that Stan's mom would be home tonight, and that Stan had to be in bed by the time she got here, especially from how bad he was. Obviously, Kenny was interested in the Snapchat-Kyle situation, but decided to wait until Stan could really comprehend his questions.

Stan went into his bed easily, mumble slurred things as his eyes slipped closed. Kenny pulled his empty trash can next to him, and set a full, open water bottle next to him, along with some Gatorade. There was no way in hell Stan was going to be okay enough to go to school tomorrow, and that was going to leave Kenny to lie to Stan's mother, again.

Kenny patted Stan's head as he closed his bedroom door lightly, stressful pain flaring up in his shoulder blades. After a moment of attempting to sooth his sore back, Kenny gave up and went to clean up after Stan, knowing he had made an accidental mess of everything. 

Sure enough, he was right. The blankets were thrown around the ground, a plate and an empty whiskey bottle next to the blankets. Kenny quickly picked up the blankets and took care of the dirty dish in the kitchen, washing it as best as he knew how to. Last was the empty whiskey bottle, which Kenny really didn't know what to do with. For now, he decided to hide it in Stan's closest.

Just as Kenny got everything cleaned up, Sharon was pulling in the driveway. Kenny waited in Stan's room for her to get in the door before going down. Timidly, he met her in the kitchen with a shy smile. Kenny respected the hell out of her for working so hard and always being sweet to him, and always wanted to impress her, which caused him to be shy, but very polite - which was weird for Kenny.

"Mrs. Marsh?" Kenny said quietly, but loud enough for Sharon to hear.

"Oh, Kenny! How are you? Where's Stan?" Although exhausted, Sharon managed to genuinely smile at the boy.

"I'm okay, thank you for asking, I hope you're well." Kenny paused, and offered a warm smile before continuing a kind of truthful explanation. "I've been with Stan for awhile, he's been sick pretty much the whole day, throwing up and such. He's upstairs resting, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was up all night like this."

Sharon's face turned to worry as she glanced up towards Stan's room. "Does he need anything? Did he have a fever?"

Kenny shook his head quickly, trying to reassure her. "He has water, and Gatorade upstairs, and no he didn't have a fever. I'll take care of him Mrs. Marsh, go get some rest."

Sharon relaxed when she saw Kenny's dedication, and nodded. "Thank you, Kenny. You're a great friend to him - I'm thankful for you."

Kenny smiled at her a last time before she walked upstairs tiredly, obviously behind wiped out from working all day, and most of the night. She was the only adult both him and Stan respected and cared for, they saw her as human, not trying to be perfect like the rest of the adults in town.

Sighing from the days events, Kenny grabbed a bottled water before going upstairs to keep an eye on Stan. Once laying on the floor near his bed, Kenny pulled out his phone, sending a quick text to his sister, letting her know, once again, that he wouldn't be home.

[Texts]

Kenny: Hey Karen, I'm sorry but I won't be home again

Karen: It's okay, Kevin is here. Take care of Stan. Love you Guardian Angel.

Kenny: Love you too sis

Kenny felt tears well up in his eyes as he felt as if he abandoned his sister yet again, before falling asleep, feeling about as bad as Stan did.

~


	5. Chapter 5

[This chapter mostly follows Kenny and Kyle]

Throughout the night, Stan had gotten up multiple times to throw up, Kenny always ending up by his side with bread and water, rubbing his back soothingly. Stan barely said a word, being too exhausted, and still at least slightly drunk. By the time 7 AM rolled around, Stan was becoming conscious finally, seemingly confused by Kenny's presence.

"Ken?" Stan squinted at him from where he was in bed, rubbing his eyes. "When did you get here?"

Kenny sighed and stretched, looking towards the desk clock. "I got here last night, and you were shitfaced so I took care of you all night.

Stan groaned loudly, falling on his back in bed as he felt embarrassment for himself once again. "Shit Kenny.. I'm so sorry, I didn't know you'd come over after you date."

Being sleep deprived, Kenny just nodded, not wanting to deal with him at the moment. "Yeah.. look, I covered for you with your mom, can I take the truck to school?"

Sitting up a little more, Stan grabbed his keys from his nightstand, throwing them to Kenny. "Fine with me, man. Talk after school?"

Kenny rubbed his eyes in annoyance, trying not to lash out at Stan. He knew alcoholism was a disease, but he felt partly responsible for Stan continuing with it, he did nothing to stop him. Not wanting to think about that at the moment, Kenny handed Stan the rest of his water. "Drink more water. I'll see you later."

Without Stan getting another word in, Kenny walked out the front door, getting in Stan's truck. Kenny had his license, but he didn't have much experience driving, especially with trucks. Although he was nervous, Kenny started the truck anyways and backed up with ease, heading to school earlier than normal. It felt really weird being without Stan, and he hated to admit it, but he did need a break from him - he was just making Kenny feel sad.

Kenny shook his head at himself as he headed towards school, refusing to think like Kyle had when he left Stan. He was not going to leave Stan, no matter what. Stan may have a lot of issues, but Kenny was not about to be selfish and abandon him. No, he just needed a day to figure out how to help him.

As he pulled up to the school, he parked in their usual parking spot, lighting a cigarette and relaxing before class started. He and Stan were mostly always late, but it felt kind of nice for Kenny to just relax with a cigarette. 

While attempting to feel some peace, Kenny saw from the driver's side mirror that Kyle was walking into school alone. Just as Kyle was about to pass the truck, Kenny swung open the door, causing Kyle to gasp loudly, almost dropping his books out of his hands.

Kenny glared at Kyle for a moment before walking into school, without saying a word to Kyle. Kyle followed slowly behind, not wanting to get to close to Kenny - he was kind of a pussy when it came to Kenny, mainly because he knew what Kenny was capable of when he got mad. As Kyle followed far behind Kenny, he realized that Stan wasn't in school, which was strange for Stan.

Kyle walked into his first hour wondering about Stan once again, unable to shake him from his thoughts.

~

The anxiety plaguing Kyle today was overwhelming, so much so, that he wasn't talking to anyone. Bebe kept trying to approach him, but he blew her off, unable to keep himself from shaking and stuttering. If someone saw Kyle, most would think he was getting harassed, or bullied, but no, he was so stressed about his grades and the upcoming SAT, he wasn't sleeping.

Of course, none of his friends noticed how stressed Kyle was, they only knew the happy, positive side of him, never taking the time to truly know him. He knew if he was still friends with Stan that he would've understood, but he was convinced that not being friends with Stan was better for his future.

Kyle was shaking as he sat in first hour, having been up for 48 hours straight, with over 8 cups of coffee in his system. His mother had seen his grade last night, and freaked the fuck out at him, repeatedly telling him that, 'He needs to be better!' and 'You have to be the star pupil of this town!'. Naturally, his father had sat there not giving a shit as his mother screamed at him.

If anyone talked to Kyle's mother about him, she would show endless support and pride, but when she was alone with her son, she was controlling. Kyle didn't care about going to a good school deep down, but he was doing what his mother wanted, just to make her happy. What Kyle was really passionate about, was politics, and writing - most of all, journalism. Although it was his dream to be a journalist, he knew his mother would never put up with it. He had to be perfect.

From across the room, Kenny noticed how much Kyle was fidgeting, his eyes anxiously darting across the room, never focusing on one place. Of course, being one of Kyle's former best friends, Kenny knew how controlling and fucking crazy Sheila was, but still didn't feel any sympathy for him. For the most part, he just found it strange that he seemed so unfocused for once.

First hour finally ended and Kyle slowly packed his stuff up, his hands shaking violently as he bit his lip, knowing more homework was added to his stress, and he would have to spend another night awake. Kenny watched as he also packed up his these, Kyle struggling to hold it together. Okay now, Kenny was starting to feel a little bad for Kyle, but didn't approach him as he saw it as a betrayal to Stan and their friendship.

Kyle got his stuff together and walked to his locker, anxiously playing with his fingers at his side unknowingly. Seemingly out of nowhere, Bebe appeared as soon as he opened the locker door, making him jump slightly. 

"Oh, hey babe." Kyle said quickly, not even sparing a glance at her. Sure, he liked her, but today, he did not want to see her.

Bebe frowned slightly, and touched Kyle's back softly. "Are you okay, hon?"

Kyle nodded slowly, still avoiding eye contract. "I just haven't been feeling good lately."

She hummed in response rubbing his back for a moment, before kissing his cheek lightly. "I'll give you some space. I'll catch you later, boo."

Kyle smiled slightly as she left. He did appreciate how caring she was, but she never helped him feel better at moments like that, which he always figured was due to the fact that he never really let anyone in. 

Slamming his locker down, Kyle walked to his next class, his fingers tapping quickly against his books. He wasn't sure he could last the day without having another breakdown. Maybe if he pushed himself just a little more..

~

It was finally lunch now, and Kenny was more than ready to eat something. The day so far had been long and boring, especially without Stan there. Butters was there, but he only had one class with him, along with lunch, and barely saw him in the hallways. As soon as Kenny sat down with a burger, and Butters next to him, he instantly felt a lot better.

He looked down at his phone and found a next from Stan, and an unknown number. Kenny opened text from Stan first, which was only for about ten minutes before.

Stan the Bitch: hey how's school? i'm sorry i'm not there  

Slutty Kenny: it's shit without you man, i'll kick your ass later ;)

Stan the Bitch: miss you boo <3333

Slutty Kenny: i hate you

Stan the Bitch: love you too Kenneth <33

Kenny chuckled down at his phone, feeling a bit better that Stan seemed to be in a good mood. Butter poked his cheek next to him, shyly looking up at him through his curly-long, blonde bangs that fell in eyes at the best times.

"W-what are you doin', Ken?" Butters asked shyly, pressing his hands together nervously, afraid that he'd upset Kenny. He didn't perceive Kenny as an angry person, he was just always scared to upset people, like he did to his parents too often.

Kenny grabbed Butters' hand and squeezed lightly, smiling at him as he looked into his baby blue eyes. "Baby, I'm just checking up on Stan."

Butters' blushed intensely at the nickname, trying his best to hide it. "H-how is he?"

Ever since Kenny had known Butters, he had let him into every aspect his life, not hiding a single fact. Kenny was one hundred percent sure that Butters was his soulmate, and trusted him with his life. Naturally, Butters knew everything about Stan, his drinking problems, and his obvious feelings for Kyle. "Well babyboy, he'll act fine, but I'm worried about him."

Nodding slowly, Butters leaned against Kenny, wrapping his arm around Kenny shyly, the boldest move he had done so far. "Just keep yourself available for him.. don't leave him like Kyle."

Kenny kissed the side of his head quickly, concluding the conversation. Butters knew Kenny didn't want words when it came to Stan, just support for the stress he was under - and that's why Butters was so wonderful.

~

Finally, it was the last hour of the day. Kyle had no idea how he made it through alive, not falling asleep even once. He was able to keep up with school work, and even get some homework done, which would give him more time to sleep that night.

Kyle excused himself to go to the bathroom, his anxiety dying down a little since the beginning of the day, which helped him to walk a little slower. He walked into the bathroom and was surprised to find Kenny standing there against the wall, texting someone on his phone. As soon as he realized it was Kenny, he froze up, his hands starting to shake again.

Kenny watched as Kyle shook with fear from him and almost laughed, Kyle should know Kenny would never actually hurt him. "Dude, Ky, you gotta chill." 

Kyle slowed his breathing, and slouched on the wall behind him. "I-I just don't want you to hurt me."

Shaking his head, Kenny began to laugh. "Man, I'd never hurt you." Kyle looked up in confusion, his body visibly relaxing. "Look, Stan is my best friend and I care for him like he's family. I just don't want you to hurt him more than you already have."

Repeating Kenny's words in his heads a few times, Kyle still felt confused. He really didn't think he had an impact on Stan. "I don't think I hurt Stan as much as you think. He's probably just using it as an excuse to drink."

Pocketing his phone as soon as he heard those words, Kenny stepped closer to Kyle, anger crossing his face again. "You clearly don't know, or understand Stan. I'm done trying to talk to you like a normal person, Kyle. You need to wake up and realize that you're not the only one in the world who has pain."

And with that powerful statement, Kyle was left alone in the bathroom, Kenny's words permanently stuck in his brain. Why does he think I'm selfish? Kyle thought to himself, racking his brain for any event in which he was selfish. Kyle could admit that maybe sometimes he was a little self-righteous, but never selfish. Right?

There was no way Kyle Broflovski was wrong.

~ 

Kenny was on his way back to Stan's, Kyle's harsh words still in his mind. Kyle was so wrapped up in himself, that he didn't see anyone else, and it made Kenny sad to see that he had become that. His best friend was a cynical alcoholic, and his former best friend was selfish, obsessive dickbag - Kenny was screwed.

Safely back at Stan's, Kenny parked his truck in the driveway, feeling accomplished that he didn't wreck in, and unlocked the front door. He assumed Stan was in the living room as soon as he heard Rick and Morty. Kenny set his stuff by the door and continued to the living room, suddenly remembering how tired he was from taking care of Stan all night again.

"Hey bitch." Kenny said casually as he walked in, finding Stan in a blanket fort, surrounded by seven empty water bottles, and a bowl of half eaten popcorn. "Damn dude.."

"Hi, Ken." Stan didn't even turn to look at Kenny, he just kept staring at the TV, his face pressed firmly against the couch. "How was school?"

On the way over, Kenny had decided that he should tell Stan that Kyle talked to him again, even though his reaction could be bad, it was better than keeping more secrets from him. "Boring.. but Kyle talked to me again."

Stan sat up instantly, his face going pale. "What'd he say?"

Kenny sighed, sitting down next to Stan on the couch, preparing for an overreaction. "Well, he was really scared of me, and I told him that I'd never actually hurt him. Pretty much, he said that he didn't hurt you, and you use it as an excuse to drink.."

The room fell silent, Stan muting the TV as he grasped the words, his heart sinking even lower than before. "Okay.." Kenny didn't say anything as he watched the hurt flash on Stan's face. After a few minutes of silence Stan turned to Kenny, smiling sadly. "You don't need to worry, and I'm not pushing you away, but I would like to have some space."

Standing up quickly, Kenny nodded tightly. He understood where Stan was coming from, but it still hurt that his best friend didn't want him there. "Okay. Text me anytime, any day - you know that. See you tomorrow?"

Stan got up and hugged Kenny quickly, tightly. "Yeah, I'll drive you as always. Love you, dude."

Kenny ruffled Stan's hair with a sad smile. "Love you too, man."

And then Stan was alone again. All day he had been thinking about how he needed to spend more time with himself, especially since he was putting so much stress on Kenny. Through everything in his life, Kenny had not only been his best friend, but his brother, and he knew it was time to give Kenny a break from all the stress Stan put on him daily.

Although he wanted to make Kenny feel less stressed, Stan saw this as an opportunity to destroy himself even more. In his pocket he had Oxys that Kenny had given him. Kenny had completely forgotten that he left them with Stan, giving Stan the opportunity to abuse them briefly. 

Laying down on the couch by himself, yet again, Stan took two pills, wishing that they'd either cure him - or kill him.


	6. Chapter 6

Bright light poured into the bedroom as the sun slowly rose, disrupting Stan from his drunken slumber. He didn't fight against waking up as he usually did, staring blankly at the floor as his alarm clock went off.

After a moment of the annoying beeping, Stan reached up and slammed his hand onto the snooze button. He pushed himself out of bed, almost falling over as his head struggled to stop spinning. 

Stan did not want to be awake. He was really hoping the mix of alcohol and pills would kill him, so he was just a little grumpy. Stan trudged into the closest, grabbing a pair of worn out jeans, and a random t-shirt he didn't even bother to look at. He reached down into the closet and grabbed his whiskey that was hidden in there, before pouring it into what he called his "school flask".

Before going downstairs to pick Kenny up, Stan took a long swig, ignoring the pain in his stomach. As he was making his way down the stairs, he heard his mom in the kitchen and quickly popped a piece of gum in his mouth, hoping the smell wasn't sticking with him.

Sharon turned as Stan walked slowly into the kitchen, huge bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days. She assumed it was from him being sick though, and set a glass of water, and some toast in front of him. "Morning, hon. Are you feeling better today?"

Stan shrugged as he picked up his toast, biting into it carefully, trying to avoid getting sick. Today was Friday, and Stan really didn't feel like having a four day weekend. "Better, still not great. Do you work today?"

Going back to the blender where she was making herself a smoothie, her shoulders tensed. She turned to Stan carefully, hoping he wouldn't get too upset. "Stan, sweetie, I have to go see the lawyer again about your father.."

Since Freshman year when his parents got divorced, Randy had been trying to fight Sharon for custody of Stan. Of course, he never won because he was always drunk and angry, but it put so much stress of his mom to go to those stupid meetings, just to fight with him all over again. "I'm sorry, mom." Stan looked at his phone and realized he needed to leave. He chugged his water quickly before kissing his mother on the cheek. "Love you, keep me updated."

Sharon watched as her son ran out the door. As a mother, she knew something was wrong with Stan - whether it was depression, anger or just teenage crap, his mother could see it. She was afraid for her son, as she saw him look more and more like someone was beaten down everyday.

Peeling out of the driveway rather quickly, Stan pushed his truck to get to Kenny's, not wanting to be late for school and disappoint his mom. He got there in less than five minutes, which was definitely a record, considered Kenny lived exactly five minutes away.

As he waited for Kenny, he heard Kenny's father yelling at his mother, followed by some crash. Stan stared at his hands, feeling guilty because he knew they were both alcoholics, and he wasn't much better than them. Kenny came running out of the house suddenly, trying hard to hide most of his face.

Stan stared at Kenny for a moment as he didn't say anything, just stared at his hands. "Ken, are you okay?"

Kenny turned his face towards him, showing a black eye and a gash on his cheek. Stan gasped, but Kenny smiled anyways, giving him a thumbs up. "All good, dude."

Shaking his head, not wanting to push Kenny any farther, Stan put the car in drive and continued off to school. Fuming to himself about how angry he was at Kenny's father, he groaned before turning down the radio, catching Kenny's attention. "Who did that?"

Acting as if nothing happened, Kenny shrugged. "Did what?"

"Kenny," Stan glared at him for a moment. "You know what. Please, tell me."

Sighing heavily, obviously not wanting to talk about it, Kenny gave in. "My dad and I got in a fight last night. It was about Karen. For some dumb shit reason they didn't want her to sleepover at a friend's - I was just protecting her."

Understanding why Kenny looked like a train wreck, Stan nodded, keeping his eyes on the road as they neared the school. "I know you hate when I ask about this stuff, but you're my brother and you gotta tell me this shit."

"I know, Stan." Kenny smiled softly at Stan as they turned in the parking lot. "Wanna talk about the Kyle thing?"

Now parked, Stan turned to Kenny, his eyebrows scrunched. "What are you talking about?"

Kenny pulled out his phone, showing Stan the screenshot he sent him of Kyle adding him on Snapchat. "I figured you wouldn't remember, you were trashed."

He couldn't take his eyes off the screen, completely baffled that it had even happened. "What.. The fuck?"

Stan pulled out his phone, looking for the Snapchat app, failing to find it. He handed Kenny his phone, not wanting to explain. "At least you didn't add him back?"

They both got out of the truck after handing each others phones back, heading across the parking lot and into their shitty, small school. Stan didn't respond, just shrugging again as he did his usual move, shoving his hands in his pockets. Kenny walked besides Stan casually, acting as if he didn't have a beaten face. Butters was sure to freak out over Kenny's state.

As predicted, as soon as they got to their lockers, Butters was there, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at Kenny. Smiling an unconvincing smile as he walked up to Butters, Kenny was obviously a little frightened of how he was going to react.

"Ken, what happened?" Butters wasn't worried, he was actually pretty mad, his cheeks a little red as he struggled to not yell at Kenny.

Coming closer to Butters, Kenny wrapped his arms around his waist, to both Stan and Butters surprise. Butters looked at Stan before wrapping his arms around him waist too, scrunching his eyebrows together at Kenny's vulnerable reaction. "I'm sorry.."

Stan decided to give them some privacy as he saw how Kenny was falling apart a little. He knew Kenny would've wanted his support, but Butters could give a support that Stan could never. Unfortunately, Stan also saw this as an opportunity to slip into the bathroom to have a couple sips before class.

Making sure that no one was in there, Stan went into the stall, setting his backpack on the ground to find his flask. As he found it, some other boys came into the bathroom, going straight to the urinals.

"Hey Kyle," Stan's eyes widened slightly as he heard Clyde's voice addressing Kyle. "Did you see Kenny?"

Kyle sighed before laughing slightly. "Yeah, I did."

Clyde laughed harder, causing Stan to growl lowly, but not loud enough for them to hear. "But did you see Stan? Man, he looks fucked up. Right, Kyle?"

There was a pause before Kyle laughed weirdly. "It's just because he's drunk all the time, dude. He's bound to be a failure, just like his dad."

Stan couldn't stop the tears as they spilled over his eyes, his hand covering his mouth. Clyde zipped up his pants, laughing at Kyle's statement. "I'm so glad you're not friends with that faggot anymore."

Kyle didn't say anything as Clyde left. Stan watched his feet as he stood there for a moment, mumbling a few words to himself. "Fuck.. goddammit.."

As soon as Kyle left the bathroom, Stan's sobs erupted from his body, forcing him forward from the pain in his chest. He couldn't believe Kyle would actually say that stuff. Over and over again, Kyle had proven to Stan that he thought lowly of him, but this time, it really broke Stan.

Sobbing uncontrollably now, Stan shakily took his flask out of his backpack, chugging as much as he could, almost gagging from the taste. He could barely breath, his chest rising heavily as he tried to find air, but he couldn't find any and continued to grab onto things around him, as if asking for help.

Finally, the whiskey started to kick in, his body calming down as his mind was numbed. The bell rang, but Stan didn't move, letting the tears run down his face as Kyle's words repeated in his head, over and over and over again. It was enough for Stan to drown.

~

Kenny could barely sit still for first hour because Stan had never shown up. He knew something wasn't right, and he kept scolding himself for not noticing when Stan had walked away from them. It wasn't normal for Stan to miss first hour, even if he had a drink beforehand.

His stomach turned as he thought about all the possibilities. He only lasted half way through first hour before he raised his hand, asking to go to the nurse. Once he was out of the class, he went straight towards the closest bathroom, searching for Stan. 

Not finding him, Kenny ran down the hall to the next bathroom, his heart pounding in his chest. Kenny basically kicked down the door, crouching under the stalls to find Stan curled up, not moving. He knocked on the door frantically. "Stan? Stan!"

Stan didn't make a noise nor did he move. Kenny stood there for a moment, looking around to decide what to do. Remembering that he had a pencil in his pocket, Kenny used it to move the lock professionally, exposing Stan on the floor, unconscious.

Kenny shook him, trying to get him to wake up. There was no way in hell that he was going to let Stan die, or get in trouble for that matter. As Kenny was shaking him, Stan started to come around, opening his eyes slightly to see his best friend crying. Sitting up fully, feeling very drunk and agitated, Stan looked at his watch.

"What's your problem?" Stan grumbled at him, pushing away his hands.

Confused, Kenny wiped his tears. "Dude, you missed first hour and I went to find you and you were fucking passed out-"

"S-So?" Stan glared at Kenny drunkenly, slurring. "It doesn't fucking matter."

"It does to me." Kenny said frustrated, it wasn't like Stan to speak to him like this, no matter how drunk he was.

"Just fuck off, Kenny." Stan pushed at Kenny, trying to get him to go away. "Just leave me alone."

Kenny stood up, refusing to listen to him. "Stan, no. I told you I'd never leave-"

"Well maybe I want you to!" Standing up now, Stan yelled at Kenny, pointing his finger angrily at him. "You can't help me. Just fuck off."

Knowing that no matter what he did or said, Stan was not going to listen to Kenny in that moment; he had no choice, but to walk out of the bathroom door. 

Kenny stood outside the bathroom door, rubbing his eyes as he tried to fight back tears. He could hear Stan sobbing from where he stood, and it tore a whole in his heart. Kenny had never heard such pain before, and it absolutely sickened him to his core. He didn't know what to do, Stan was worse than ever before, and actually trying to push him away, something he had never done before.

Was it right for him to want to step back? Would it really help Stan for Kenny to just leave him alone for awhile? He was so confused on what to do, and he was stuck. He needed help, but Kenny didn't know who to ask for anymore.

~

Kyle had a bad night again. He had only slept about four hours, which left him still on edge. He was finally caught up on his work, and his extra credit, but his anxiety was still wringing his neck.

Earlier that morning, he had tried to convince his mom that he was sick, but she didn't buy it and sent him to school anyways. Kyle wished more than anything that he could just skip and have everything magically be fine, but that wasn't how the world worked.

Clyde was waiting with Bebe at his locker as he walked in, taking a deep breath as he prepared to put on his happy persona. They started talking to him immediately about Prom, not even giving him a chance to say hi.

As Bebe was talking about her dress, she stopped talking which caught Kyle's attention. "Babe, look at Kenny."

Kyle looked behind him and saw Stan and Kenny walking together. Kenny's eye was purple, blue and black, and he had a gash on his cheek. Stan looked miserable, his eyes bloodshot and clouded over, as he wasn't even there. Kyle felt his heart sink as he looked back at Kenny, knowing fully that it was his father. "Jesus.."

Clyde snickered. "At least we know his little faggot boyfriend didn't do it."

Turning back towards Clyde with a glare, Kyle felt his cheeks heat up at the mention of Butters and Kenny. "Shut the hell up."

Bebe and Clyde looked each other in shock as Kyle walked towards the bathroom. Clyde followed behind immediately, ignoring Kyle's former attitude before. They set down their backpacks and walked to the urinals, Clyde opening his fat mouth again. "Hey Kyle, did you see Kenny?"

Kyle rolled his eyes sighing, knowing full well that Clyde knew he saw him. "Yeah, I did."

Clyde was obviously going further as he snickered. "But did you see Stan? Man, he looks fucked up. Right, Kyle?"

There was deafening silence in the air as Kyle fake laughed before he deadpanned: "It's just because he's drunk all the time, dude. He's bound to be a failure, just like his dad."

Clyde patted Kyle's back like a proud uncle, zipping up his pants and winking. "I'm so glad you're not friends with that faggot anymore."

Leaving without Kyle, he stood there, annoyed by Clyde being an asshole about Stan. There was much he could do because Clyde had made him who he was, and had gotten him with Bebe, but didn't stop him from wanting to sock him. "Fuck.. goddammit.."

Picking up his backpack from the ground, Kyle left the bathroom, walking into the nearly empty hallway. Still slightly pissed off at Clyde, Kyle walked into his first hour gritting his teeth, ignoring Kenny's eyes. A few minutes into class, he noticed that Kenny was fuming in front of him, glancing between the clock and the door, as if he was waiting for something.

Looking around the room, Kyle finally realized that Stan wasn't in the room. Kyle tried to ignore his interest and kept writing notes along with the teacher. Towards the end of class, Kenny's hand suddenly shot up, and he asked to go to the nurses.

Not wanting to keep thinking about it, Kyle put in his ear buds, working on his homework for the class. After about five minutes, his teacher called for him at his desk, motioning for him to come up there.

"Kyle, you're the only one with an A in this class." His teacher started. "Would you please go see if Kenny and Stan are skipping? I don't know what's going on, but it's odd."

Without argument, Kyle slowly nodded before walking quietly out of the door to find them. After rounding the second corner, he spotted Kenny in front of the boys bathroom.. sobbing quietly into his sleeves. Kyle hid behind that wall as he watched Kenny wipe his eyes and look back towards the bathroom sadly. 

Kenny was about to head towards that direction, causing Kyle to panic, and run into the janitors closet. As soon as Kenny was past for at least a minute, Kyle left the closet and headed towards the bathroom he was just in front of. Pressing his ear to the door, he heard someone mumbling and crying.

"Stan.." Kyle whispered to himself before he backed away, rubbing his mouth. "Shit."

Knowing he shouldn't get involved, Kyle went back towards his first hour, disturbed. Hearing and seeing his two former friends crying like that, left him in a state of shock. He had never seen Kenny cry - he had always been the strong one in any situation.

Walking slowly into his class, he informed the teacher that Kenny was indeed sick, but he didn't find Stan. Even if they weren't his friends anymore, he was not going to rat them out.

Now, Kyle was left to worry about two people he didn't even have a right to think about.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and the kudos!! x

Stan awoke in the bathroom by himself, confused as to why he was even there. He looked down at his phone, and saw through his blurry vision that the final bell had just gone off moments before. Stan panicked as he pushed himself up, not really understanding how no one had found him - especially Kenny.

He walked carefully out of the bathroom to find the hallways empty. Going out of the back door quickly, he made his way to the parking lot and to his truck. After skipping basically a whole day of school, he did not want to get caught by any teachers. Once in his truck, Stan saw that he had a notification from Kenny.

Slutty Kenny: you won't remember but I tried to get you up and you refused, told me to leave you the fuck alone. I don't know if you meant it, but I'm going home. see you later.

Stan looked up from his phone with tears in his eyes, not remembering anything after chugging his whiskey. He rubbed his palms against his cheek, trying to stop himself from crying, which didn't help much. Stan couldn't believe himself. He was truly becoming like his father, ruining relationships and missing school. He had always promised himself that he would be better than Randy, but here he was, following the exact same path.

Starting his truck, Stan knew that he had to do something different today to distract himself from drinking. Putting the windows down, Stan drove outside of the town towards the cemetery where his Grandpa was buried. He didn't really believe in God, and he had pushed away everyone - he just wanted someone to talk to.

The cemetery was rarely visited, seemingly forgotten by everyone who was alive. People liked to avoid death, even if that meant not seeing their dead loved ones. Stan never understood why people avoided the topic of death, it was inevitable. Completely unavoidable.

As he walked up the pathway to his grandfather's grave, he laughed at his morbid thoughts, finally understanding why people called him cynical. Stan just saw the world negatively, and thought that it was normal; it was actually weird to him when people were positive.

Standing in front of his grandpa' gravestone now, tears immediately started to form in his eyes as he felt longing to see him again. In his final years, his grandpa was struggling with Alzheimer's, barely knowing who Stan even was, but it never stopped Stan from admiring his grandpa.

"Grandpa," Stan said weakly, as tears slipped down his cheeks. "I'm fucked up. I'm just like Randy - pathetic. I don't know what you would tell me if you were here. I'm just.. I'm just so lost right now. I need help."

Looking around the cemetery, Stan laughed, feeling ridiculous that he was talking to a headstone. He wasn't sure if there was a God, so he wasn't even sure his grandpa's soul was hearing him. Despite that though, Stan sat there, crying to him, desperate for any type of help.

~Time skip to Stan back at home~

Now sitting at the dinner table with his mom, Stan picked at his food, feeling too sick to eat. His stomach didn't feel sick, but his mind felt heavy and diseased. Sharon noticed, but didn't say anything, also noting that Kenny wasn't with him.

Stan wanted to tell his mother how he was struggling, and get some sort of help, but whenever he saw how tired she was, he couldn't bring himself to tell her, and become a burden. Sharon already had to deal with one drunken asshole, she didn't deserve to deal with another.

After a few minutes of picking at his food, Stan quietly thanked her before going up to his room. Unsure of what to do to keep his mind off of drinking, Stan began pacing, thinking about calling Kenny for help, but something told him not to. Although he didn't remember talking to Kenny earlier, he felt as if they had a bad fight - and that it was definitely his fault.

Without even realizing, Stan kept glancing towards his closet, where his whiskey stash was. Everything in his mind was screaming for it, begging him to just give in and take one little drink, but Stan fought back. 

Grabbing his phone, he looked up AA meetings in his area. For Stan, this was a huge step, but a step in the right direction. 

Not wanting to see anyone he knew, he chose one in a nearby town to attend that night. Again, Stan began pacing as he looked between the directions and his closet, in a fight with the demons in his head that kept trying to convince him that drinking was the only thing that could fix him.

"Fuck it." Stan grabbed his keys off his desk, shrugging on his jacket as he ran down the stairs. Sharon looked up at him as he came halfway into the kitchen, a small smile on his face. "Mom, I'm gonna go to Kenny's for awhile. I'll be back tonight, okay?"

Looking at him carefully, Sharon noticed his lightened behavior. She nodded after a moment, feeling more relaxed that her son was going out. "Okay, be safe. I love you."

Halfway out of the front door already, Stan waved behind him. "Love you too!"

Now safely in his truck, Stan pulled up the directions to the meeting, his hands shaking viciously as he realized what he was doing. For some reason, he felt like he was doing something highly illegal, even though he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Stan calmed himself and backed out of the driveway, driving straight out of town, not turning to look back once. It was almost a relief to leave his home behind. Sure, he loved his friends and family, but there was so much pain there, it barely like his home anymore.

Lost in his thoughts as always, Stan arrived to the community center in the city. It wasn't too far away from South Park, but he knew that the drunks in South Park would never drive that far just to talk about their shitty lives.

His hands shaking once again, he pushed open the doors, looking around for any signs of people. There was a sign near the entrance, pointing him down to the basement where the meeting was taking place, having just started five minutes earlier.

He could hear the talking from outside the door, making him almost turn back and go home, but he forced himself in anyway. A few people turned around and looked at him, before looking back towards the speaker. Sitting in the back, Stan folded his arms in on himself, listening to the normal looking man in the front.

"..I see some new faces, so this is a good opportunity for me to update you on my recovery." The man paused as he looked around the room, his eyes lingering on Stan just for a moment. "Growing up, my mom, my siblings, and myself were beaten daily. Our father was an angry drunk, always blaming everyone for his problems."

Stan's mouth dropped open as the speaker paused. He didn't expect his story to be so intense already, he looked like such a normal person. 

Continuing, the man cleared his throat. "After my father drank himself to death, I was left to take care of my siblings, while my mother worked her ass off. At about thirteen, I started to drink once my siblings were asleep, or with friends. The harder things got, the more I drank." Tears welling up in his eyes, the speaker cleared his throat again. "When I was eighteen, I lost my younger brother to a drunk driver. I made a vow to stop drinking that night, and I did - for four years. While on the police force, I was constantly depressed by the state of the world, and the people around me. I tried to escape with alcohol. It got so bad, I lost contact with my family and lost my job. After five more years of drinking and ending up homeless, I finally decided I had enough. Ten years sober today, in fact." He looked around smiling as people clapped for him. "My name is Russel, and I'm an alcoholic."

Stan sat in shock as chills ran down his spine. Russel had actually had a difficult life, while Stan drank just because he was sad. He felt pathetic as the words resonated, making him feel more pathetic by the minute. As he wallowed in self-hate, Russel called out to him, snapping him out of his trance.

"Y-Yes?" Stan answered shakily, avoiding everyone's eyes.

Russel smiled warmly at him, motioning for him come up. "Would you like to share you story?" Stan's eyes widened, afraid of being judged. "It's okay, this is a safe place with people who understand you."

Stan slowly stood up, taking small steps towards the front of the room. Facing the audience now, he realized they were all normal looking people, looking just as sad and tired as he was. Clearing his throat, Stan looked down at his hands as he began speaking. "Hi, I'm Stan."

"Hi Stan." Everyone said at once, some offering encouraging smiles.

Licking his lips, Stan held back tears. "I don't know where to start." Stan controlled his breathing, nodding to himself. He needed to do this. This was the help he needed. "Um, I guess this all started with my father. He was always drinking as I grew up, never really giving a shit about me or my sister. My mom finally had enough about two years, getting full custody of my sister and I." Stan swallowed roughly as he started to struggle through his sentences. "I, uh, always saw the world differently than everyone else. I see everything as shitty, and horrible. I don't know if this caused me to be depressed or what, but I turned to drinking. At first, I would just do it when I partied with my friends, but then I started drinking every time I was sad - which was all the time. My girlfriend broke up with me, and my best friend left me, and I think that made it worse. I have one friend left but.. I keep pushing him away. I can't stop myself from drinking anymore, even when I'm at school. I.. I have a problem, and I'm only fucking seventeen."

At that moment Stan broke down crying, holding his head in his arms as he sobbed in front of everyone, unable to keep it in any longer. He felt hands touch him as he continued crying, a wave of relief washing out him as he knew there were people around him who understood.

Once he calmed down, Stan looked at the people around and smiled lightly. "I feel a little better."

Russel lead him to a seat in the back as the meeting continued on. After a few minutes of Stan slowing his breathing down and wiping his face, Russel spoke up quietly. "What prompted you to come here today?"

Stan sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I pushed away the person that cares for me more than anyone."

He nodded at Stan, knowingly. "I'm glad that you came here by choice, asking for help." Russel pulled a chip out of his pocket and put it in Stan's hand. It was one of his sober chips. "I would like to be your sponsor. This chip for you to look at whenever you feel like drinking."

Appreciating the token, Stan smiled tightly, before considering his mental stability. "What if the chip doesn't help?"

Taking out a small notebook, Russel quickly scribbled down what looked to be a phone number. "I'm available to answer all day, everyday."

Stan took it and pocketed it immediately, not wanting to lose it. "Thank you, Russel."

Nodding at him, Russel went back towards the front of the room, bringing the meeting to a close. Stan was relieved it didn't go on very long, and didn't hang around to socialize. He did feel better after sharing his feelings with people who could really understand in depth. 

As he got in his truck, Stan looked down at the sobriety chip in his hand. This is it, Stan. This is where you need to make the right choice Stan thought to himself as he moved the chip between his fingers. He was determined to be sober for the people he loved in his life.

Stan was going to be sober for others, but most importantly himself. He was going become who he once was.


	8. Chapter 8

It was Monday morning, Stan smiling as he woke up for once. He had made the whole weekend without drinking. For the first time in years, Stan felt positive, and hopeful for his future. He really felt like he could have a full life.

Still with his positive attitude, Stan grabbed his phone, downloading Snapchat. Signing in, Stan waited anxiously for it to load. For some reason, with his good mood, he felt it was necessary to add Kyle back, even though Kenny would advice against it. Stan couldn't help but feel butterflies as he accepted Kyle's add.

Desperate to mend things with Kenny on top of everything, he pulled up his messages and typed out a quick message.

Stan the Bitch: hey I know I fucked things up friday, but can I pick you up? I have something really important to tell you.

Stan through his phone on the bed as he got up, digging through his dresser for something to wear. He was aware that he had been dressing like a trash can, and wanted to look a little nicer. Slipping on black jeans, Stan grabbed a dark blue shirt to match his hat, and put on his red converse. As he finished getting dressed, his phone dinged, making Stan lunge for it immediately. 

Slutty Kenny: yeah that's fine

Stan the Bitch: be there in 10

Grabbing his backpack as he headed out the door, Stan suddenly stopped in his tracks as he remember to do something important. He went back into his room and closed his door softly, unzipping his secret pocket and pulling out his flask. Stan looked at it for a moment, before quickly setting it in his closet, not trusting himself to have it in his backpack.

Actually leaving this time, Stan ran out of his dark house to his truck, not wanting to be late to picking Kenny up. As he was backing up, he got a Snapchat notification from the last person he expected:

Kyle Broflovski 

Ignoring it for now, Stan threw his phone on his backpack and continued to Kenny's. It was weird, but he didn't care at that moment purely because all he wanted to was make up with Kenny. 

Parking in front of Kenny's, Stan waited patiently for him to come out, pretty excited to see him after so long. Kenny casually strolled up to the truck, sliding in without looking at Stan. He could really see now that he had deeply hurt Kenny.

"I still don't remember what I did or said to you, but I'm sorry." Stan sighed, taking his sobriety chip out of his pocket. "This isn't the routine, 'I'm sorry for being a shitty friend', I'm apologizing for everything I've put you through." Kenny looked over at him, surprise written all over his face. "After you sent me that text, I knew that I had to change. So," Stan handed the chip to Kenny firmly. "I'm making a vow to be sober, and stay sober."

Kenny looked at him in shock, his mouth opened slightly as tears began to form in his eyes. He wiped his eyes, a smile appearing on his face. "For real, Stan?"

Stan nodded, to which Kenny responded by hugging him tightly, only for a moment. Stan laughed as Kenny pulled away, putting the truck into drive. "I honestly didn't think you'd react like that, dude."

"You expect me to be mad after the best 'I'm sorry' gift, ever?" Stan shrugged a goofy grin on his face, causing Kenny to punch his arm. "Missed you, dick."

"Missed you too, slut." Stan stuck his tongue out at him, and focus his eyes on the road with a smile. Suddenly, he remembered what happened as he was leaving the house. "Shit! I forgot to tell you - don't be mad at me -  I added Kyle back on Snapchat, and he Snapchatted me on my way over here."

Kenny wanted so badly to yell at him for giving into Kyle being a shithead, but rolled his eyes, picking up Stan's phone. "Can I open it?" Before Stan could even respond, Kenny was unlocking his phone and loading Snapchat.

It was silent for a few minutes, which made Stan insanely nervous. What would Kyle even have to say to him? Shit.. I forgot to tell Kenny about what I heard in the bathroom.. Stan sighed to himself as the thought crossed his mind, and figured it would be a good idea to mention it. "So, the reason I got so fucking drunk Friday, was because I was in the bathroom stall and Clyde and Kyle walked in. Clyde mentioned how I looked like shit, and Kyle said that it was probably because I was drunk all the time, destined to be a failure like my dad.."

Stan's phone dropped into his lap as Kenny squeezed the bridge of his nose, trying to fight against his anger. "I'm going to kick Kyle's ass."

"Ken, no-"

"Stan," Kenny said firmly, his nostrils flaring. "Don't fight me on this. I'm done with his shit."

The rest of the short ride was quiet as Stan got increasingly more worried. He knew Kenny could fuck anyone up, and get them not to tell. He knew Kyle did deserve it, but he still felt an odd need to protect him. Parked now, Stan spoke up quietly, afraid he was going to make Kenny even more angry. "What did his snap say?"

Kenny sighed and shrugged, squinting at something in the mirror. "He just said, 'hi' with a picture of his feet. Typical douche bag shit."

Without any warning, Kenny jumped out of the truck. Stan grabbed his backpack, getting out to see where he went. As soon as he stepped out of the truck, he saw Kenny approaching Kyle angrily, his fists clenched at his side.

"Kyle!" Kenny yelled, causing both Stan and Kyle to jump. Stan starting running to catch up with Kenny, afraid of what he was going to do. "I fucking told you."

Kyle's eyes got wide in fear, and he tried to back away, only to have his back hit another car. "W-What are you talking about?"

"Kenny! Knock it off!" Stan said as he approached where Kenny and Kyle stood, almost nose to nose as Kenny refused to back down.

"Why?" Kenny spat, practically growling. "So, this little shit can keep talking trash about you?"

Kyle looked at Stan for a moment before looking back at Kenny, confusion spread across his face. "Seriously, what are you talking about?"

Stan grabbed Kenny's wrist, trying to get him to back off and just leave it, but Kenny pulled away, pointing a finger at Kyle. "In the bathroom, with Clyde! He heard you."

Kyle looked away from Kenny, his eyes clouding over as he looked at Stan. Stan avoided his eyes, biting his lip roughly to keep from getting upset. "Stan.. I didn't-"

"Yes you did," Stan said simply, turning to walk into the school. He was done dealing with it. Who was Kyle to act like he was innocent?

Just as Kenny was about to pounce, a teacher came and split them up, just sending Kenny home. Stan didn't even bother to watch what happened, and went to his locker like nothing happened, but still sending a nice text to Kenny to let him know he'd get his homework.

Fumbling with random shit in his locker, he heard people around him whispering. Trying to ignore all of the shit that was probably being said against Kenny, Stan stuck his earbuds in, putting the volume up as loud as it could go.

As he turned around to just get the shitty day over with, he was startled to find kyle standing right behind him. Stan took out his earbuds, slightly pissed off. "What do you want?"

Kyle sighed and ran a hand down his face. "Look, I'm sorry about the shit I've said about you. I do it just to fit in. It's all I have."

Stan laughed right in his face, holding his stomach as he laughed at him loudly. "Are you serious? That's the saddest shit I've ever heard! You're just as bad as Cartman!"

As Stan was turning away, still laughing, Kyle grabbed his shoulder and swung him around roughly, grabbing his shirt by the collar and pulling him close. "Don't ever compare me to Cartman." Kyle whispered harshly, but Stan was unfazed.

"Well," Stan shrugged, smirking. "You're definitely not like Cartman." Kyle smiled as if he won, but Stan stood up straight, keeping Kyle close by the end of his jacket. "He would never get this close to a guy."

Kyle's face turned a shade of red before he pushed Stan away. He fought off a smile though, which Stan could see, and flipped him off. "See you later, Super Douche."

Walking around Stan, Kyle went towards their first hour, leaving both of them with smiles on their faces. More than anything, Stan just wanted to hate Kyle and forget about him, but when he did shit like that - mentioning an ancient inside joke - Stan just couldn't hate him. 

More than ever, Stan wanted Kyle back in his life.

~

Kyle was now sat in first hour, his face still red as hell. He couldn't seem to calm himself down, and he wasn't sure whether it was from anger or.. well, he didn't know. After that encounter, all he knew, was that he missed Stan.

No, Kyle He thought to himself, You cannot miss someone who is toxic.

Just as Kyle was about to get Stan off his mind with that thought, Stan walked into the class as the bell was ringing, a smirk plastered on his face. He held the smirk as Kyle glared at him, trying to convince him that he didn't like him. Unfortunately for Kyle, Stan knew him too well, and just winked, before pulling out his notebook.

No, no, no. I can't do this to myself. My future is more important than anything. NO. Kyle was practically screaming these words at himself over and over throughout the whole hour as he felt Stan's eyes constantly on him. Kyle didn't want to deal with it, trying his best to keep his head down and just pay attention.

Stan noticed how annoyed Kyle was getting, and felt accomplished. It was so easy to annoy Kyle, and missed messing with him. Stan frowned to himself though as he remembered Kenny sticking up for him, so incredibly angry that Kyle wouldn't stop saying stuff about him. He felt guilty that he was being so playful with Kyle, when he should be treating him like nothing.

While looking down at his lock screen, that was a picture of him and Kenny over the summer, he knew that Kenny was right. Kyle wasn't the same anymore, and obviously had his priorities messed up, only caring about himself. Although it disappointed him to do so, Stan knew he couldn't interact with Kyle anymore. Not even an eye connection.

~ 

Stan kept true to both of his promises for the day, not drinking, and not interacting with Kyle. During lunch, he knew Kyle was looking at him, and instead of giving in, he left the cafeteria and facetimed Kenny. 

Because Kyle was so perceptive, he noticed Stan's change from cocky, to oblivious. But why did it matter so much to him? A month ago, Kyle barely noticed Stan, so what had changed between then, and now?

No matter how hard he tried, Kyle could not stop thinking about Stan. Something needed to be done, and fast, before he hurt his own future and let Stan back into his life.

 

Sorry the last two chapters weren't as long, I was pretty busy & only had time for short chapters <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is going to be a little sad, good luck ;)

Stan was sitting in the school parking lot, his feet hanging out of his truck window, waiting for Butters to get out of school. After a day of willing himself to be angry at Kyle, Stan had skipped his last class to relax, and try to think about good things. He promised Kenny he'd bring Butters with him to Kenny's, which Stan didn't have a problem with since he liked Butters, but he was kind of hoping to have a serious conversation with Kenny. 

After reviewing everything that had happened in his life lately, Stan felt like he needed to restart with nearly everyone in his life. He hadn't been himself in a long time, and he hurt a lot of people. He just wanted to make things right again.

Hearing the bell ring from outside, Stan stepped outside of his truck and waited for a certain person. He spotted the person and jogged up to them, much to her surprise. "Wendy," Stan said softly to his ex-girlfriend, who didn't look happy to see him due to how they split two years ago. "Can we talk for a minute? I won't keep you long."

Seemingly surprise by Stan's politeness, and calm attitude, Wendy nodded, following him to his truck. Once in with him, she looked at him carefully, noticing how well he looked. "What's up, Stan? It's been a long time since we've spoken."

Taking a deep breath, Stan turned to Wendy, grabbing her hand gently. "I want to apologize for everything I ever put you through. You're a wonderful, caring person - I never wanted to hurt you. I was selfish, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to notice." Pausing, Stan looked down, his heart quickening for the next part of his explanation. "Um, I think, and I've only discovered this recently, that one of the major reasons our relationship fell through was because I'm.. I'm bisexual."

There was an excruciatingly long silence as Wendy processed everything. She never expected Stan to apologize, let alone come out to her. "Stan.. I don't know what to say." Stan nodded, letting go of her hand, turning his gaze towards the radio. "I-I really appreciate you apologizing, you seem to be doing much better and I'm glad for that."

Stan smiled tightly at her, breathing deeply through his nose. "It took longer than it should've, but I'm getting help."

Wendy actually broke out into a huge smile this time. "I'm really happy for you!" She grabbed his hand, patting it softly, her short black locks falling into her face. "So, you're really bi? I mean, I always had suspicions, but I thought I was just jealous of Kyle."

Immediately, Stan's face turned red at the mention of Kyle's name. "Yeah, about that.. I think I've always liked Kyle.."

"Ha!" Wendy screamed as she pointed at Stan's face, laughing. "I fucking knew it!"

Stan's face twisted in confusion as he thought back to the rest of their conversation. "But you just said.."

Shrugging, Wendy smiled wickedly. "I was just trying to get you to say it out loud." Stan smacked his forehead as Wendy laughed at his red face more. "Honestly, I really thought you were going to ask for me back."

"Oh, no, no, no." Stan said quickly, waving his hands in the air. "I'm pretty sure I lean more towards guys."

"Yeah, well," Wendy looked out the window, her face going a little red too. "I only lean towards girls."

Stan's mouth flew open. "SINCE WHEN?"

"Shhh!" Wendy's hand flew over Stan's mouth while looking around at the other students. "Since a year we broke up. I kissed Red at a party as a dare, and I knew."

Giggling to himself for a moment, Stan pointed between them. "We really turned each other gay didn't we?"

Wendy laughed along with him, smacking his arm. "Stan, I missed you. We should hang out sometime!" Stan nodded along, agreeing with a giant smile on his face. "I gotta get going though, I'll see you at school tomorrow!" Wendy hugged him tightly before pulling away, whispering in his ear. "I think someone's jealous of us."

She jumped out of the truck, waving to Stan and winking. Stan smiled after her, feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders. He always knew, even while dating, they were destined to just be best friends. He was beyond happy that he had a friend like her back in his life.

Remembering her final words, Stan looked around and saw Kyle glaring at him from inside a classroom. Staring right back at him, Stan gave him a confused look, only to be met with a genuine middle finger - he knew it was genuine from the way Kyle bit on his lips, trying not to show his anger.

Was he jealous?

Stan shook that thought away quickly though, knowing that it was ridiculous to think that. Kyle was straight, hated him, and oh, yeah - he fucking hated Stan. Annoyed with Kyle once again, Stan nearly backed out of the parking lot, remembering Butters just as he started reaching towards the gear shift.

It was actually weird Butters wasn't out of the school yet. Stan felt like something was right, and flicked his car off, jogging back in to the school. As Stan walked through the empty halls, trying to find Butters, his footsteps echoed against the floors, making it hard to tell if anyone was around him.

As he turned a corner, Stan nearly smacked into someone, sending their books flying.

"Shit!" Stan quickly helped the person pick up his papers, and notebook. As he looked up to give them tot he person and apologize, he found Kyle, looking just as shocked as he was. "Oh, uh, hey."

Kyle didn't say anything as he snatched the papers away, a bitchy look still on his face. 

Stan glared back at him, biting his lips as he fought back saying anything stupid. As Kyle organized his things, Stan remembered why he went in there int he first place. "Have you seen Butters?"

Thinking for a moment, Kyle then looked up shaking his head, his eyebrows scrunched together. "After the bell rang, I saw him go behind the school with Clyde.."

Realizing what could be happening, Stan off down the hallway towards the back door, leaving Kyle practically in the dust. It was his duty to watch over Butters when Kenny wasn't there; he would never be able to live with himself if something happened to the sweet boy, especially since he was so important to Kenny.

Basically launching himself through the back doors to outside, Stan stumbled, rolling in the dirt and rocks. He picked himself up quickly, ignoring the blood he felt on his face and his arm. Butters was more important than his stupid body anyways.

Behind the gym, Stan could see three people standing on the wall, one of them on the ground. Running towards them at full speed, he swore he heard the doors from the school close behind him, but he ignored it, continuing to run towards Butters.

Getting closer, he saw that it was Butters on the ground, while Clyde, and some other guy named Tyler, stood over him, laughing and saying something. 

"Hey!" Stan yelled as he got only five feet away, crouching next to Butters as he arrived. "What the fuck did you do to him?!"

Clyde laughed as Stan looked over Butters, gasping as he looked over his beaten, bloody face. Completely unconscious and unable to explain, Stan gently leaned him against the wall. 

"I asked you something, fucker." Stan's fists clenched next to him, as he waited for the asshole's response.

"Damn, Marsh." Clyde sneered, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his Letterman's jacket clinging to his broad shoulders. "Eager to protect faggots, aren't you?"

Stan glanced down at Butters, tears welling up in his eyes. "You beat him to shit because he's gay?!"

Clyde shrugged, not even flinching at Stan's angry glare. "Yeah, the fag doesn't deserve to live, he's fucking digust-"

Stan's fist collided with Clyde's face before he even had the chance to finish his insult. Stan didn't stop swinging as Clyde stumbled back, knocking him down with the third punch. Tyler tried to pry Stan off of him, but Stan kept punching him, his fists staring to bruise as he caused Clyde as much pain as Butters.

"You little faggot!" Clyde screamed as he tried to block the punches, his face lathered in blood. "Get off me!"

Suddenly, Stan was pulled off of Clyde, standing between the two boys. Stan looked up, expecting it to be a teacher, but instead found Kyle' shock written all over his face as he looked down at Stan. 

Hearing Clyde get up, Stan stood up too, trying to get more punches in. Kyle pushed them away from each other, only having a small effect. "Stop! What the fuck is happening?"

Clyde pointed an accusing finger at Stan, his nose bleeding profusely. "That little piece of shitty faggotry just started wailing on me outta nowhere."

Stan squeezed the bridge of his nose, blood rubbing from his hands onto his face. "So, you're just going to ignore Butters unconscious because of you?" Stan looked directly at Kyle now, knowing that the next moments were really up to him. "He kicked Butters to shit because he's gay, Kyle."

There was a long silence as Kyle looked over his face, and to Butters, who still laid limply against the wall. Turning to Clyde, he looked over him too, silently thinking about what to do - Clyde knew something about Kyle that no one could know, but Butters and Stan were completely innocent in thus situation. Kyle took a deep breath, knowing he was about to make things worse for everyone. "Clyde, just leave it. They aren't worth it."

Backing down like some obedient asshole, Clyde motioned for Tyler to follow, and left towards the school, bumping into Stan's shoulder harshly. Stan growled towards him, cracking his knuckles, to let him know he could still kick his ass. As soon as they were out of hearing distances, Stan dropped next to Butters, ignoring Kyle.

"Butters?" Stan shook him, trying to get him to wake up. "Butters! C'mon, man! Kenny will kill me if you die!" 

Kyle knelled next to Stan, looking over Butters' injuries, touching his face softly. "Is he going to be okay?"

Stan slapped Kyle's hand away, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. "Don't fucking touch him."

"The fuck did I do now?" Kyle questioned, throwing his hands up defensively. 

Almost not believing his reaction, Stan turned fully towards him, looking at him as if he was stupid - although in this situation, he was. "Are you-? Kyle, you didn't defend either of us. Real pussy move." Stan shook his head, taking off his jacket and pressing it against Butters' open wounds. "I get if you don't defend me because you fucking hate me, but Butters? What the fuck, man?"

Stan was now fully turned towards Kyle, tears in his eyes as he was desperate to make him understand. For a demented reason, Kyle saw that his popularity in high school was essential to the rest of his life, and how well he succeeded in the future; he didn't understand. "Stan, I-"

Picking Butters up carefully off of the ground, cradling his head against his chest, Stan started to walk away from Kyle. He stopped in his tracks though, turning back to try one last time for his friend. "I might be fucked up, but at least I can admit it and get help. You, on the other hand, can't even admit that you're a little fucked up. This is the last thing I'm ever going to say to you, Kyle - never value you yourself over the people that you love, or you'll be left in darkness forever."

Turning away from him for good, Stan walked towards his trucks, tears streaming down his face. He remembered the day Kyle said those exact same words to him when Stan developed his drinking problem. It hurt him to see how selfish Kyle had become, especially since when they were friends, he was the most selfless person in the world.

As soon as Stan got to the truck, and laid Butters carefully on the seat, he shakily took out his phone and dialed Kenny's number.

"Stan, what's up? I've been worried for-"

"Kenny, something happened." Stan took a shaky breath. "It was Clyde. Meet me at the hospital."

Stan hung up before Kenny could respond and drove straight to the hospital, trying to ignore the pain in his hands. He wasn't sure if the police were going to get involved, but Stan knew that's the last thing Butters needed. 

Dizzy from the pain, Stan parked sloppily near the front entrance, stumbling as he carried Butters through the emergency entrance. Nurses immediately ran up to him, shaking him as his ears rang.

"Sir?" A nurse shook his shoulder as the others brought around a gurney. "Kid!"

Stan shook his head, the ringing in his ears dying down finally. "Is he going to be okay?"

The nurse took Stan towards the emergency bay, having him sit on a bed. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He knew there was no way around this. He absolutely knew that Butters and Kenny would be furious with him for telling the police, but Stan just couldn't let Clyde get away with nearly killing Butters.

"Yes, I can. I need to talk to the police."

~

As soon as the phone call ended with Stan, Kenny called an Uber. His hands were shaking as he waited a grueling twenty minutes for it to arrive. His mind was blank as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Stan didn't tell him any information, and didn't sound right himself.

What if Butters wasn't okay?

Kenny shook his head at his thoughts as tears slipped down his cheeks. He tried to call Stan again for the thirtieth time, but just like every time before, it went straight to voicemail.

Finally, the Uber pulled up, after what felt like a fucking eternity. Kenny got in quickly, telling the driver the location. Fortunately, Kenny got there quickly, but was surprised to see a couple cop cars parked out front.

As soon as he was in the emergency room, Kenny ran up to the desk. "Where is Stan Marsh and Leopold Stotch?"

The woman typed quickly into the computer. "Stan Marsh is in Room 13b and Leopold in in Room 13a."

Kenny went to Butters room first, just trying to confirm that he was alive. He let out a breath of relief as he saw that he was breathing steadily, but felt sick to his stomach immediately as he saw the state of his body. A doctor came out briefly and explained that he would be fine, but that Kenny should speak with Stan for the reason he was in that state.

Standing outside of Stan's room, he heard low conversation, mainly Stan's voice, but couldn't make out words. After a moment, he knocked before entered, stopping int he doorway as he saw the two cops talking with Stan, one writing things in a notebook.

"Stan?" Kenny walked slowly towards him, his eyes never leaving the cops. "What's happening?"

Looking up at the cops, Stan pointed to Kenny. "This is Butters' - Leopold's - boyfriend, Kenny."

The taller cop nodded curtly, only looking at Stan. "We got everything we need. Thank you, Mr. Marsh."

Kenny waited until the cops left before turning to Stan, his voice catching in his throat as he saw Stan's scratched up face, along with the stitches in his knuckles that were bruised to hell. "Stan, what the hell happened?"

Stan shook his head, tears fall down his cheeks as felt the guilt from everything: not being there to protect Butters, beating someone so bad his knuckles split open, and telling the cops what happened. "Kenny.. I wasn't paying attention, by the time I found Butters.. Clyde had knocked him unconscious." Kenny flinched, rubbing his face in his hands as he tried not get mad at Stan for not being there. "I beat the shit out of Clyde, and then took him here. Kenny, I'm sorry.. but I told the police everything."

Knowing everything about Butters' parents, how strict and mentally abusive they were to Butters, Kenny couldn't believe that Stan had fucked him over like that.

Without another word to Stan, Kenny slammed the door, leaving him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Physical Abuse & a Suicide attempt. 
> 
> Good luck

Stan was completely distraught as he climbed in the back of his mom's car, his mom in the front yelling nonsense at him. He couldn't care though, he knew that he had fucked up everything with Kenny and Butters, but he was doing what he truly thought was right.

Whether he was wrong or not, he sure as hell was miserable. Kenny had never been so mad at him before, and Stan was sure that he wasn't going to get him back for a long time. The first thought that crossed his mind as soon as Kenny left, was that he needed a drink. Still with drinking thoughts in his head, Stan played with the chip in his pocket as he drifted off to sleep, ignoring his mother's words.

Just as soon as he fell asleep, his mom was waking him up again, a weird look on her face. Stan sat up quickly, and saw his father leaning against the door frame of the front door. He glared at his sad excuse for a father in the dark, not wanting to deal with him after the day he's had.

Despite Stan not wanting to see Randy, he got out of the car anyways, and walked towards him. He really didn't understand why he was there though, he didn't have visitation rights because of how violent he would get during court hearings, but yet - there he was. 

"Hey." Stan said casually as he stood in front of his dad, his hands tingling as he felt the need to punch Randy, but he held back, his hands already fucking wrecked. 

Randy walked passed him, caring a bag behind him. "You're staying with me for a few days."

Stan shook his head, looking between his mother and father. "What the hell are you talking about?"

As Sharon started to explain, Randy cut her off with his hand, looking impatiently at Stan. "With what happened today with your friend, Butters, I'm giving your mother a break from you."

Looking towards his mother again, Sharon shook her head, but motioned that he go with Randy. Obviously, something else was going on, but Stan knew better than to get in the middle of that shit show.

Randy got in Stan's truck as Stan hugged his mother tightly, a few slipping out of his eyes and onto his hands. He climbed into the truck, throwing his shit in the back roughly, not caring if he upset his stupid father. 

The ride was tense the entire way to Randy's apartment, on the opposite side of town. Randy was obviously mad about something, while Stan was just fed up with the existence of his father, as horrible as it sounds. Stan wasn't afraid of Randy anymore like he used to be when he was younger, but he still didn't have to gut to ask him what was really happening.

As they parked the truck, Randy motioned for Stan to follow him up to the room. As soon as they were in the room, Randy threw Stan's bag across the room, shattering a lamp into pieces.

"Dad, what the fuck?" Stan yelled, his mouth agape as he looked at the lamp.

Randy pushed Stan up against the wall, his forearm pressing into his throat. Stan could smell the alcohol on his breath as he began to speak. "Why'd you protect that little faggot, Butters?"

Stan coughed slightly as he tried to catch his breath enough to speak, glaring at Randy. "He's my friend, and my best friend's boyfriend."

Knowing that it was a mistake, Stan held his breath as Randy threw him to the ground. "You think being a faggot is okay? It's fucking disgusting!"

Although he was already in a brutal amount of pain, Stan chuckled up at him. "Guess I'm half disgusting then."

Surprisingly, Randy understood what Stan was saying, and picked him up by his shirt collar. "Guess I'll have to beat it out of you, huh?"

Stan shrugged, not giving a shit about himself. "I can take it. Pussy."

Before he knew it, Stan was cross the room, flipping over the couch and slamming into the glass coffee table. Laying there as his head spun a million times over and over, Stan knew there was no point in fighting back. Completely giving up, Stan let Randy beat on him, until his father was too tired to continue.

As he was blacking out from the pain of his injuries, he watched his father stumble into his bedroom, spitting towards Stan with absolutely no remorse. He wasn't surprised Randy didn't accept him, but he never would've expected to get almost beat to death because of it.

Stan laughed bitterly, spitting up blood as he forced himself onto the couch. Did anything even matter anymore? 

~

Waking up to Randy leaving for work, Stan stayed still until he knew for sure his father was gone. The pain in his body was unimaginable, he could barely move without his bones and muscles screaming at him for mercy. Besides the pain, Stan was numbed by self-hate. 

Everyone had abandoned him. Even his own mother let him go with his piece of shit father. He had absolutely no one. And he had never wanted to die so much before.

Finally being able to stand up, Stan limped into the kitchen, looking through everything until he found what he wanted. Stan picked up the full whiskey bottle, smile sickly at it as he opened it slowly, taking a sip. His eyes closed in relief as he felt the liquid fill his body, a calming sensation drifting through his veins.

Stan picked up his backpack, and stuck the bottle in there. He was going to try to make it at school, but he wasn't sure how that would go for him. With the shit that happened with Butters, the Kenny, and finally his dad - anything could make him break at this point.

Numbly, Stan got in his truck, and drove to school. He didn't even bother texting Kenny, Stan knew that he was the last person Kenny wanted to talk to. 

As he drove to school, he thought about swerving into a ditch and just letting it end, but he didn't want to cost his mom money for the truck. Stan pulled into school, parking in the back instead of the front, like he usually did with Kenny, walking in with his hood up, and headphones in. He never would've admitted it, but he was fucking terrified.

Stan was well aware that he had a black eye, a split lip, and a fucked up face - but people looked at him as if he was run over by a damn car. Still, Stan avoided eye contact with anyone, going straight to his locker. Of course though, because Stan just simply wanted peace, someone tapped his shoulder.

Turning around he watched as Kyle's face fell, his face turning ghostly white. "S-Stan, what happened?"

Shaking his head, trying to will tears to not form in his eyes, Stan chuckled dryly. "Nothin', Kyle. Just go be happy."

Trying to head to the bathroom, Kyle grabbed his wrist, yanking him back. "Please tell me."

Shrugging sloppily, Stan stared Kyle into the eyes, no emotion on his face. "Why? So I can be called a fag, too?"

Stan tried to rip his arm away from Kyle, but he refused, gripping onto his wrist with all the strength he had. "Don't fucking say that. I'm sorry.." Kyle let go, his lip quivering slightly. After a moment of Stan just staring at the floor, he looked back towards Kyle. "I'm sorry things are this way, I-"

 

Without even listening to Kyle's pitiful words, Stan walked away, towards the bathroom. Kyle's words were just too late, and not what he needed to hear. He was fucking done, he had enough. His life had brought him nothing but pain and suffering, and that's exactly what his life brought to others too.

The first bell rang as Stan closed the bathroom stall. Setting the bottle of whiskey on the floor, Stan also searched for the bag of pills Kenny left with him. He felt a sense of relief wash over him as he felt the sandwich baggy in his secret pocket.

Stan felt nothing as he swallowed all seven pills, before he drank the entire whiskey bottle. As his sense of reality melted away, the only thing he thought about was Kyle. Kyle's red, curly hair. Kyle's red, stunning eyes. Kyle's bitchy smirk. Kyle's concerned eyes. Kyle's cheeky smile. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.

Stan smiled slightly as he pictured Kyle over and over again, throughout the years. He loved him, he knew it. But it was too late for Stan. 

His vision went black, unconsciousness taking over him.

~

Kyle stood in the hall, fighting back tears as Stan turned the other way. After the words Stan had said to him yesterday, Kyle knew he was right. He had said those exact words to Stan when he picked up his drinking habit, but here they both were, being hypocrites constantly.

All Kyle wanted to do, was tell Stan he cared about him. Why was it so hard for him to do one simple thing? Why couldn't he just be friends with Stan anymore?

Standing in the hallway holding his head, Kyle began to sob. He was completely unaware that he was alone, but even if he wasn't, he didn't care anymore. He didn't care if he looked stupid, or crazy. Stan was the most important person to him. 

Out of seemingly no where, a teacher came to Kyle, picking him off the floor gently. "Kyle, is everything okay?"

Kyle shook his head, violent sobs erupting from his body as he struggled to stand up. "I'm-I'm just going through s-stuff."

The kind teacher nodded, rubbing Kyle's back soothingly. She was actually his favorite teacher, it was just a little bit funny that she was the one to find him. "Why don't you calm yourself down in the bathroom, and then we'll go to the office and get you excused for first hour?"

Nodding slowly, Kyle walked like a zombie to the bathroom, almost falling into the door as he opened. As soon as he opened the door though, he could smell the stench of alcohol, and vomit. Immediately, Kyle crouched under the stall to find Stan slumped over on the wall, not moving.

Kyle banged on the door, trying to get to wake up. "Stan! Stan! C'mon you gotta wake up!" He wasn't getting a response fast enough though, and climbed under the stall door, shaking Stan's shoulders violently as tears streamed down unknowingly. "Stan! Please wake up! C'mon.."

Stan's face remained completely blank, a pale color setting into his face. Kyle knew exactly what he did as soon as he saw the empty baggy, and the empty alcohol. Without even realizing, Kyle started to scream, hoping that anyone would come in and save the person dearest to him.

The principal ran in, and Kyle opened the stall door, still screaming nonsense as he held Stan's lifeless body in his arms. The principal immoderately called for an ambulance, knelling down beside Kyle as he tried to get Stan to breathe. 

Frozen in place, Kyle watched as everything went by in slow motion. From the paramedics coming in, and loading Stan onto a stretcher, to Kyle being pulled onto the ambulance and being asked for information. Nothing seemed real. Wasn't even real? Or was it some sick nightmare?But as soon as Stan started to seize in the ambulance, Kyle knew that it couldn't possibly be a nightmare. 

Now in the emergency room next to Stan, as they worked to revive him, and pump his stomach - Kyle couldn't breathe. He knew he couldn't breathe as he looked at Stan's lifeless body, but he refused to take another healthy breath until Stan did. As more doctors and nurses came in, working to revive Stan, he was escorted to the waiting room where he threw up several times.

A nurse held his hand as he repeatedly got sick, Kyle not being able to handle the sight of the person he loved most, half-dead. After a few minutes of the nurse holding onto Kyle's hand, he realized the no one had called Kenny.

Stepping outside, still shaking violently, Kyle dialed Kenny's number.

Kenny answered almost immediately. "Kyle?"

"Kenny.." Kyle broke down again, sobs erupting through his body as he struggled through his words. "I-It's Stan.. He tried to- he tried to end it."

It was silent on the line as Kyle sobbed into his hand, his stomach churning again as the images of Stan replayed in his mind, again, and again. "Where are you?" Kenny finally asked, his voice sounding strained.

"Emergency waiting room." Kyle heard the phone call end and went back inside, his whole body continuously shaking as he waited for Kenny.

The images of Stan wouldn't stop. Kyle could barely take it, pulling at his hair as he sat in a chair waiting for Kenny, his stomach twisting every time his thoughts went back to Stan. Kyle knew that if Stan wasn't okay, that he wouldn't be able to survive. He had been a horrible person to Stan, but he was Kyle's favorite person in the world - nothing ever changed that.

"Ky," Kyle looked up to see Kenny standing above him, his face white as a sheet. "w-what happened? Why are you here?"

For once, Kyle didn't take offense to Kenny's question. "We argued before first hour. I was there when Stan beat Clyde up, and-and I didn't handle the situation right. Stan said something that reminded me who I was when we still friends, but.. he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him I fucked up." Kyle started to break down again, sobs shaking his chest as he tried to finish telling Kenny everything. "I started crying in the hall, a teacher found me and sent me to the hospital. I-I found him.. passed out, and not moving. Kenny, I-I can't stop seeing it.."

Kenny caught Kyle as he fell into his chest, sobbing loudly. Kenny was just in complete shock, unable to process exactly what was happening, but as he saw Kyle, and nurses running towards the emergency room, he became to sob, too. Kenny knew that the situation with Butters yesterday wasn't Stan's fault, yet he went out of his way to blame him. Did he push Stan over the edge?

Just as Kenny and Kyle started to collect themselves, a doctor approached them politely. Kenny turned towards him, wiping his eyes as he waited for any news. "Are you friends of Stan Marsh's?" Both of the them nodded, looking at each other. "We successfully pumped his stomach, a large amount of alcohol, and oxys were found. He's stable for now, but we are getting him a psych evaluation."

Kenny blinked as he heard about the oxys, remembering that he had left them with Stan. He felt so fucking stupid for leaving them with someone who was that unstable. Despite feel responsible, Kenny nodded, clearing his throat. "When can we see him?"

 

The doctor looked at his watch before laying a careful hand on Kenny's shoulder. "I'd say about two or three hours. Good luck boys."

Kyle looked at Kenny, his eyes watering again. "This is my fucking fault."

Kenny quickly shook his head at Kyle, grabbing his hand. "It's not, Ky. But I'm partly responsible."

As Kyle started to shake his head, Kenny looked serious, which prompted him to ask a question instead. "What do you mean?"

Looking down at the floor suddenly, Kenny shook his head. "I'm so stupid.." Kyle nudged him to continue. "I think it was like five days, we did some oxys together, and I completely forgot I left them with him. I know he'd never blame me for that, but.. I'm partly responsible."

Kyle processed this for a moment, taking a deep breath as he thought about Stan's mental stability in the first place. "Kenny, with or without the pills, he would've tried." Kenny looked up at Kyle quickly, but nodded sadly, knowing that it was true. "Everyone is to blame here, especially me. You can't change my mind on that."

Kenny and Kyle held each other as they waited for Stan to wake up, and see them. They just wanted to see him okay. They just wanted Stan happy, for once in his life - he deserved it more than anyone.

Stan deserved more.


	11. Chapter 11

Everything around Stan was completely black. He was floating on a cloud of nothingness as he felt like he was under water, he chest heavy like bricks. He couldn't form many thoughts, but he knew that he was still existent.

Without warning, he started to float up to the surface, towards a bright, white light. Stan tried to pull back, and stay in the darkness, but it was like something was dragging him out by his legs. As he resurfaced, he felt as if he was being choked by something in his throat.

As he struggled to breathe, he heard voices around him, and suddenly he could breathe again. Stan could hear people talking around him, but couldn't open his eyes, a type of tiredness he had never experienced taking over his consciousness.

What seemed like an eternity later, Stan actually opened his eyes, being met with a white ceiling, and the sound of beeping machines. He felt his stomach sink as he realized that he had failed to kill himself. He knew his mother would be devastated, and his father would be outraged. Fuck, Stan just wanted to go back to the darkness.

"Mr. Marsh?" A deep voice called from close to him, causing Stan's eyes to fly open. "Someone is here to talk with you."

Stan nodded slowly, and watched as a small woman walked in. She sat next to Stan, waiting patiently as Stan regained his focus. "Are you okay to talk right now?" Despite being tired as hell, Stan nodded slowly, feel the heavy sedation. "What prompted your attempt?"

Shrugging, as if it was no big deal, Stan chuckled dryly. "My homophobic, abusive dad. My depression. My drinking addiction. My love for my ex-best friend. Take your pick of shitty things."  

The woman looked up from writing down her notes, and looked at Stan with sympathy. "So, you feel as if everything is shit, and you have no purpose."

After a moment of thinking, Stan nodded firmly. "Yeah, that's pretty accurate."

She wrote some more things down before she grabbed Stan's hand gently. "I'm going to get you help. I won't let you drown." Stan smiled lightly at her, feeling understood for once. "Would you like to see your friends?"

Although he wasn't too sure who she was talking about, Stan nodded, feeling anxiousness wash through his beaten body. He was a bit afraid that it was going to people that just wanted to fuck with him- like Cartman and Clyde. 

Kenny walked in timidly, dark circles under his eyes. Stan smiled weakly at him, half-waving as if it was just a normal day. As he was about to start talking, Kyle walked in behind Kenny, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes glued to the floor. 

Stan frowned at the sight of Kyle, remembering their last conversation. "Ken, what's he doing here?"

Kenny sighed, walking to the side of Stan's bed. "He saved your life, Stan."

Still refusing to let Kyle be apart of his life after recent events, he shook his head at both of them. "No. He can't be here."

Kyle nodded, not looking at Stan once, and left. Kenny looked at Stan in awe, but didn't say anything to him, due to the state he was in. Moving to the side of his bed cautiously, Kenny grabbed his hand with a death grip. "I wasn't going to cut you out of my life."

Stan turned fully towards Kenny now, wincing as he did. "W-what?"

Looking down at his hands, Kenny started to cry again, his eyes raw from constantly crying the last two days. "Just because I was mad at the time of the Butters thing, doesn't mean I was going to just drop you."

As he started to fully remember the events of the last few days, Stan grabbed Kenny's hand hard back. "I'm sorry I thought that." Kenny noticed that he was trying to fight off sleep. Suddenly, Stan opened his eyes, them surprisingly filled with anger. "Tell everyone that my dad beat me to shit. He deserves to go to fucking prison for beating me.."

Stan drifted off to sleep as he completed his sentence, leaving Kenny shocked with the new information. He knew Randy was a fucking asshole, but he never abused Stan physically before. Kenny wondered what had changed, but immediately dialed 911, reporting to the police as he continued holding Stan's limp hand. He was not about to let Randy get away with being a homophobic, abusive, piece of sweaty ballsack.

~

Kenny was now walking home from the hospital after speaking with police. He knew it was a long ass walk, but he didn't care, he needed time to think. In the last few days, his boyfriend was beaten up to shit for being gay, and his best friend tried to commit suicide because his depression finally pushed him over the edge. Kenny was really at the end of his rope.

Feeling overall exhausted about halfway to his house, Kenny looked over the side of the road, noticing how it slanted down into a cliff. It had been awhile since he had died, but Kenny kind of longed for it a the moment.

Climbing over the guardrail, Kenny looked down at the ground, before closing his eyes and jumping. Everything went black for only a moment before Kenny opened his eyes again, back in his bed - like always. 

Sighing, Kenny got out of bed, avoiding the mirror oddly placed on his wall. Since he could remember, Kenny had died at least twice a month. As he got older, he died less, and less, but he would still often experience the pain of dying. In times like these, he felt better when he killed himself, and woke up in his bed.

Walking to the silent living room with his phone in his hands, Kenny opened his and Butters messages. It had only been a few hours since his boyfriend went home with his parents, but Kenny was worried about what would happen to him. The police withheld facts of the attack from Butters parents, but if it went to court, it would no longer be secret.

Kenny's phone vibrated, his hands fumbling with his phone as he quickly tried to see who it was. He was very disappointed when he saw that it was Kyle who texted him, again. Kenny rolled his eyes as he opened the last five messages, annoyed that Kyle was suddenly clinging to him like they were friends. Stan and Kenny were basically on the same page - fed up with Kyle being an asshole.

Kyle: how is he?

Kyle: dude i just need to know if he's ok

Kyle: i know i'm being annoying but i cant think straight

Kyle: don't tell him i've been texting you

Kyle: i don't want to hurt anyone anymore

Kenny looked over the messages again, confused by Kyle's change in mood. He was anxious at first, and then suddenly depressed, as if he was sitting there constantly thinking about Stan. But who cared if he was? Certainly not Kenny.

Kenny: he's fine. he's being admitted for a week. don't tell anyone at school.

Just fed up with anything, Kenny laid fully on the couch. All he had to do was wait for Butters, he didn't have to go to school and he didn't want to see his friends. Nothing else to do, but sleep for hours, and forget how shitty his life had gotten the last few weeks.

~

When Kyle had been told to leave by Stan at the hospital, he couldn't fight the tears welling up in his eyes. It wasn't about the fact that he "saved" him, and it wasn't about getting Stan to forgive him - Kyle just cared for Stan. Kyle hated himself for never sticking up for him, he hated himself for talking shit about him, he hated himself for even leaving Stan in the first place, and most of all, he hated himself for thinking he was better without Stan.

It was as if everything Kyle had been feeling over the past two years was catching up to him, hitting him like a bag of fucking bricks. He was guilty of being a shitty person, and he finally realize what he had become a little too late. He had lost everyone who truly meant something to him, what was the point of even having a good future now?

Looking around the waiting room for a second, a part of him hoping Stan would change his mind, Kyle shoved his hands deep in his pockets, anxiety striking his chest with a forceful strike. Instead of asking someone for help to calm himself down, Kyle walked out of the exit, the noises around him fading in, and out as his heart pounded in his ears.

It was funny, he didn't feel like he was panicking, but he knew that he was. Kyle laughed a little to himself as he held his chest, walking back to South Park. He finally understood why Stan wanted to drink; he just wanted to escape his own fucked up head, too.

After about a forty-five minute walk, Kyle was standing in front of Bebe's house, contemplating whether he should even go in. He sent another text to Kenny before he stepped inside, knowing that it was just Bebe home anyways. As he walked upstairs, Kyle heard giggling coming from Bebe's room, but he shrugged it off, thinking that maybe she was watching a video.

Kyle slowly opened her door, to find her on top of Clyde, her shirt on the floor along with Clyde's pants. Staring at them for a moment, Kyle felt nothing as he saw them, turning around walking straight out the front door. He heard Bebe call after him, but continued towards his house, not looking back once.

He wasn't really surprised, nor was he hurt. Bebe and Clyde were always using him for popularity, and good grades, and he definitely never even liked her that much. Was that why he wasn't upset? Because she ultimately meant nothing to him?

Getting in his house finally, Kyle slammed his front door, ignoring his mother immediately yelling at him. Kyle jogged up to his room, and closed his door softly, sliding down onto it, collapsing into tears once again. As he sat there, curled into a ball, sobbing into his arms, Kyle picked up his phone again, texting Kenny three more times before throwing his phone against the wall.

"Fuck!" Kyle yelled into his arms, the loudness of his voice muffled by his sobs. After a few minutes of his body shuddering from his violent sobs, Kyle slowly got up, trudging to his desk where his laptop was. Despite everything that had happened, he knew that he had an essay due for College English course - a class he worked hard to get into. 

It was going to take all night to get perfect. It was all he had left, being the perfect student, and he was going to hang onto that title even if it fucking killed him. 

~

Getting through his third all-nighter of the week, Kyle was barely alive as he went downstairs for his mom to drive him to school. He was well aware he looked like shit, and didn't even bother to try to make himself feel better. It wasn't like he friends, or a girlfriend to impress, right?

Basically the whole way to school, Kyle's mother criticized his every moment. He couldn't even breathe right, according to her, which is probably why he needed validation from popular kids so badly. Not being able to get in a word anyways, Kyle left the car as she pulled up to the curb about 200 feet from the school. Usually he walked to school, but Sheila thought it was best to drive him after Butters got "beat up fro no reason". 

Walking into school was a fucking nightmare, it was like Bebe and Clyde had filmed their affair and tagged Kyle in it online. Hopefully, that wasn't the case. Though he was annoyed with the looks and whispers, Kyle went straight to his locker, grabbing his materials for his first hour.

"Kyle." Bebe's voice rang from behind him, a quiver in her voice slightly. He turned to her, no emotion on his face. "Can we talk? I need to explain."

Suddenly, it was like someone had physically pushed Kyle's button. He slammed his locked closed, causing Bebe to jump as his face turned red. "Explain what? How you fucked Clyde?" Kyle found himself screaming at her, everyone surrounding them immediately, "Both of you just obviously used me, for no fucking reason! You do not have a right to apologize. Go suck you homophobic boyfriend's dick and tell him, I'm coming to beat his fucking ass!"

Kyle stomped off, leaving everyone in shock at his reaction. Kyle was known as a soft person, who never yelled unless he was pushed to his absolute limit - which usually only occurred with Cartman. Mainly what sparked his overreaction, was his lack of sleep, and stress that was caused by his guilt for Stan.

Cartman and Kenny had witnessed the whole thing, being the only two left in the hallway as the crowd dispersed quickly to class. Although Kenny didn't want anything to do with Cartman anymore, he turned to him, his mouth slightly agape. "Was that really Kyle, or am I just high?"

Rubbing his patchy-haired chin, Cartman frowned. "Yes, I believe that was the Jew." Cartman leaned against Kenny, whispering towards him. "And where is Stan?"

Kenny pushed him off, scoffing. "That's none of your fucking business and you know it, fat-ass."

Putting his hands up defensively, Cartman smirked wickedly, still evil and stupid as ever. "Clyde may have given up some information about an event a few days ago.."

Squeezing the bridge of his nose, Kenny decided that there was no way Cartman was going to leave him alone now. "And?"

Pacing back and forth for a moment nonchalantly, Cartman held his hands behind his back. He often did that when he was coming up with some bullshit scheme. "I have a way we can get back at Clyde."

Sighing heavily, Kenny shook his head, beginning to back away from Cartman. "Dude, no."

"It wouldn't be physically," Kenny stopped in his tracks, slightly intrigued. "I say we expose him for who he really is."

Although Kenny knew Clyde wasn't directly related to Stan's attempt, he wanted revenge for his precious, little Butters. "What do you have?"

Cartman pulled up something on his phone, and watched as Kenny's faced turned from horror at first - to complete understanding. Teaming up with a dumbass, ignorant, fat bitch was almost never the answer, unless it involved this plan. It was time for Clyde to get what he deserved.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, I didn't have time. Thanks for all the comments <3

It had been a week since Stan went into the psychiatric hospital. Only Kyle, Kenny, and Sharon truly knew where he was was. The school was told that he was sick with the flu, mainly to avoid Stan getting unwanted attention. Sharon didn't want Stan to suffer anymore stress that he already would be after being in a hospital for a week. Sharon was driving Stan home at the moment, not a word shared between them after she picked him up.

Stan didn't want to talk about his experience. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't exactly pleasant. He had made friends, but after hearing so many other teenager's stories, he felt like he didn't have a right to be depressed. He was diagnosed, by a Psychiatrist, as being an Alcoholic, and having Major Depressive Disorder. It didn't really change anything for him.

With a prescription for Stan in her hand, Sharon pulled into a drug store parking lot, smiling tightly at Stan before going into the store. He had to see a Psychiatrist and a therapist now, which meant he would have to continually talk about shitty he didn't care about in the slightest. Stan was feeling bitter, annoyed that he didn't just die.

Sharon jumped in the car, handing Stan his Zoloft, that wasn't exactly guaranteed to work. It was more like a trial and error, a way for the psychiatrist to experiment with his mind. Stan just wanted to go home, and be in his own bed.

Tomorrow, he already had to go back to school. The school was starting to really wonder if Stan would sick, so he couldn't even have a full day to rest. Whatever the situation would've been when he got out, Stan would've been grumpy. Sure, he missed Kenny, Butters, Craig, and Tweek, but he wasn't looking forward to the aftermath of his attempt on his peers. Stan never imagined himself actually trying to kill himself, but it happened, and there was no taking something like that back.

As Stan and his mom pulled up to the dark house, Stan felt waves of relief wash over him when he thought about the comfort of his own bed. Even being outside for just two minutes felt like heaven after not breathing fresh air for a week. Sharon carried Stan's bag in as he followed behind, feeling a bit guilty for being so grumpy.

"Mom?" Stan whispered, his left hand gripped tightly on his right elbow. "I'm so sorry I put you through that.. I love you so much."

Sharon's eyes began to water as he engulfed her son, stroking his head gently. "It's okay, honey. Just please talk to me next time. I love you." She kissed his forehead, wiping away the few tears that slid down his cheeks. "Go get some rest."

Stan simply nodded, before walking slowly upstairs. He was exhausted, despite having eight hours of sleep every night for an entire week. Maybe it was mental exhaustion, but Stan wanted nothing but to sleep for as long as he could.

Slamming into bed finally, Stan didn't even bother to get undressed. He hugged his pillow, a smile breaking onto his face as smelt the scent of home. Falling asleep quickly, Stan's mind flashed with the reminder of Kyle, sending a shudder down his spine.

~

Because of him missing school for a whole week, Sharon woke Stan up a whole hour earlier than usual. She had to take him to the school to discuss certain things with Mr. Mackey - mostly Stan's drinking habits.

Stan wasn't aware that he was pretty much receiving an intervention, and got up with ease, just happy to be home. After pulling on some random jeans, a t-shirt, and his usual jackets, Stan waited by the front door for his mother. He really didn't like that he couldn't pick Kenny up, nor that he couldn't drive his truck, but he would deal with it for today.

Sharon lead him to her car, starting the engine quietly. She attempted to make small conversation with Stan, but only got shitty short answers that a parrot could copy. Stan just didn't know what to say to her anymore, he had become the ultimate let down, and he juts couldn't get passed that.

Once at the school, she parked near the front, ushering him to follow her. He wasn't sure why, but he was getting nervous, as if his mom had failed to tell him something about the meeting they were about to attend.

Knocking on a door that just said 'Counselor', they waited for a moment before Mr. Mackey opened the door. Stan groaned loudly, which earned a small smack on the arm from his mom, as Mr. Mackey brought them in.

"So Stan," Mr. Mackey started, his hands folded on his desk as Stan and his mother sat down. "we know you were in a hospital, m'kay. Your business will not go around the school, m'kay?"

Stan rolled his eyes, but sighed, responding for the benefit of his mother. "Okay.."

Mr. Mackey continued though, much to Stan's disappointment. "Now, your mother tells me it's been discovered you have a problem with alcohol. Drinking is bad, m'kay? If you feel like drinking, come and talk to me. M'kay?"

"M'kay, Mr. Mackey." Stan said in a mocking voice, ignoring his mother's glare.

As Sharon and Stan left, Sharon pulled Stan to the side of Mr. Mackey's office door. "Stan, I'm serious about this so please listen." Stan nodded slowly, furrowing his eyebrows. "Please, stop drinking. I know it makes me you feel, trust me, I know. But it won't fix things."

Seeing the worry in his mother's eyes, Stan nodded, biting his bottom lip harshly. "Okay, mom."

Sharon glanced at her watch and looked back up at him, a scowl on her face. "I have to get to work, I'm sorry. Just distract yourself before school starts, okay?"

Only nodding on, Stan immediately turned away from her, heading towards the gym. If one thing would distract him from drinking - and thoughts of Kyle - it would basketball. There weren't many kids there yet, so it would be the perfect time to play for awhile, to make him feel more alive.

Unknowingly, Stan was fiddling with the hem of his jacket nervously, not wanting to be back at school yet. He didn't trust that Clyde didn't spread some bullshit that would make his last few months as a Junior unbearable. He wished Kenny was there to play with him, but he still felt as if his and Kenny's friendship was on the rocks.

Stan knew he had fucked up a lot of his relationships. He completely let down every person that cared for him even slightly, but really, did anyone other than Kenny notice? Shaking his head at his stupid thoughts, Stan picked up a basketball, shooting a three-pointer easily.

"Nice, Marsh." Stan whipped around to see Craig standing on a wall, Tweek sleeping against his legs. "You're pretty good."

Shrugging, Stan threw another three-pointer, a grin almost taking over his face. "Why are you down here?"

Craig shrugged, looking down at a sleeping Tweek, a twinkle in his eyes as a small smile spread easily onto his face. "He needed some peace and quiet."

Stan smiled at them, his chest tightening at the sight of true love. He wanted that more than anything - with a person who only cared about himself. "Is he not sleeping again?"

Shaking his head quickly trying to avoid the subject, Craig walked towards him, a smirk plastered on his face - as always. "He'll be fine, Marsh. Now, tell me about Kyle."

He looked away from Craig's seemingly permanent smirk, his cheeks turning a slight red. Scoffing though, Stan crossed his arms over his chest as his mixed feeling for Kyle threatened to bubble over. "I-I don't want to talk about Kyle."

Not really caring about Stan's opinion, Craig continued on, hoping to explain Kyle's recent life events since Stan had been gone. Kenny had informed Craig and Tweek of everything, since he was almost as close to them as he was to Stan. "You missed some important things since you've been gone." Finally catching Stan's actual interest, he threw the basketball across the court, away from him. "I guess Kyle walked in on Bebe cheating on him with Clyde, and then the next day, publicly called out Bebe. He even mentioned Craig being homophobic."

Stan avoided eye contact with him still, looking at the floor as he scuffed his feet. "Why should I care? He deserves it." Stan shrugs as Craig scowls at him, not understanding the extent of his sudden resentment for Kyle. "He's finally getting what's been coming for him. I don't give a shit."

Craig, surprised at the harsh tone Stan used, sighs, looking behind him at something. "You know, Kyle isn't a bad person. He just made some stupid mistakes-"

"No!" Stan was only a foot from Craig now, angrily pointing a finger up at him. "The things he chose to do were not mistakes. Kyle was fully aware of his choices - but didn't care." Walking towards the exit of the gym, Stan turned around, his face red with anger. "Leave me the fuck out of it, and leave me the fuck alone!"

Even though he was angry, Stan knew that he had no right to yell at Craig. He just couldn't hold in his emotions anymore, it was too much.

As he turned the corner to leave, he was shocked to see Kyle sitting against the wall, papers and books sprawled out around him as tears steamed down his face. Stan scoffed at him, causing Kyle to flinch. "And what are you crying about, huh? You don't have a fucking right."

Kyle shook his head, bury it in his arms as Stan continued on his way. Stan's anger was completely out of control; he was fed up with everything in his life, and he felt like it was time he took back the control. Stan really believed that everyone in his life had just used him, and no one, but his mother cared about him. He was deep in his sickness.

Walking towards the school now, Stan pulled a small whiskey bottle out of his coat, chugging it quickly, before throwing it on the ground. He popped in a piece of gum, continuing the scowl at all of his surroundings. Stan was becoming a person he didn't recognize, but he just didn't care anymore.

Back inside the main school now, Stan walked straight to his locker, ignoring the stares from his peers. He knew it was because of his bruised, and scratched face, but it was none of their fucking business what had happened to him anyways. Randy was still missing though - which was the only good things about his life at the moment.

As Stan was rummaging through his locker, Kenny walked up to him, mostly soaking wet from the heavy rain outside. "Dude," He said as he leaned his back against the lockers, obviously exhausted. "Where have you been? I've been texting you."

Shrugging, barely looking at Kenny, Stan looked through his bag. "I think I left it at home, man. I had to see Mr. Mackey with my mom this morning."

Kenny obviously noticed Stan's lack of interest in engaging with him, but Kenny nodded anyways, before looking towards Kyle who was walking down the hall. After Kyle's outburst about a week ago, he was shunned by nearly every popular person, even though nothing that happened was his fault. "Did you hear what happened to Kyle-"

Cutting Kenny off with the slam of his locker, Stan sighed loudly. "Craig told me. I don't care."

With a few minutes before class, Kenny tried to change the subject, talking instead about how Butters was doing well and how his parents were still convinced he was just mugged. As Stan started to pay attention to the conversation, across the hall, Kyle's books were thrown out of his hands by none other than: Clyde Donovan.

Both Kenny and Stan stood up straight from leaning on the lockers, watching as Clyde spouted some incomprehensible words. Kyle was pushed onto the ground, but stood up quickly, pushing Clyde back with just as - if not more - force as Clyde, yelling at him. "If you don't stop fucking talking about Stan and Butters, I will beat your pussy ass!"

Although Stan was surprised by Kyle's words, he still didn't give shit that Kyle was showing compassion for him and Butters. According to Stan, it was too little, too late. Walking away from the scene to his first hour, Kenny ran to catch up with him, trying to ignore the fact that Stan had completely given up on Kyle.

Kenny didn't feel the same as Stan lately. He felt pity for Kyle to some extent, even if he had been a fucking dumbass, he was still a person trying to make things right. But when Stan had grudge against someone, it wasn't easy for him to let go of it.

As Stan and Kenny entered the classroom, Stan walked straight to the teacher, motioning to the hallway. "Kyle Broflovski and Clyde Donovan are fighting."

The teacher thanked Stan before rushing out, leaving Stan and Kenny on their own. Kenny sighed, throwing his bag on the ground. "Dude, what's wrong?"

Stan sat next to him, not looking up as he rummaged through his bag. "What are you talking about, Ken?"

Kenny shrugged, scowling at Stan's back as he faced away from him. "You're being weird and I would really like if you just talked to me."

Turning in a flash, Stan looked dead into his eyes, his own lifeless and empty. "I don't want to talk anymore, Kenny. I'm done."

With Stan obviously in an even worse place than he was when he attempted, Kenny turned away from him, swallowing a knot in his throat. He pulled out his phone carefully and sent a text to Sharon:

Kenny McCormick : Stan needs to see that therapist & psychiatrist asap. he has gotten worse.

Shoving his phone into his bag before Stan notice, Kenny laid his head onto his arms, feeling alone for the first time in a long time. His best friend was right next to him, but he seemed to be in a total different place than Kenny. 

All he wanted was to be there for Stan, but he wouldn't let Kenny in anymore. Some best friend.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im almost at 1000 hits I’m honestly so baffled, but so thankful! Love you all so much <3

Kenny's day was turning out even shittier than he had planned. He was sitting on the floor of Cartman's bedroom, coming up with a stupid plan to get revenge on Clyde. Kenny had a shitty day at school because of Stan, and now he had to listen to the fat asshole come up with a plan that was probably only going to benefit him in the end anyways.

"Hello?" Cartman waved a chubby hand in front of Kenny's face, snapping him to attention. "Have you even been listening to what I've been saying?! Makes sense I guess, your poor ass can't afford ADHD meds-"

Slapping Cartman's hand away from his face, Kenny groaned. "Shut the fuck up, you tub of lard. Restart. From the beginning."

Cartman sighed, and reorganized his badly drawn plans. "Okay, so, we post the video of Clyde beating up Butters - followed by a video of him sucking Token's dick. We gotta expose him for making fun of fags, and then being a fag." Kenny punched him in the arm, trying to get the moron to remember that Butters was his boyfriend. "Jesus, KENNY, fine! We'll post that video to expose him for being afraid of his own sexual identity, or whatever the fuck you said."

Firmly nodding with his arms crossed, Kenny smiled a little. "I normally wouldn't condone outing someone's sexual identity, but he deserves it for almost killing Butters." After a moment of thinking, Kenny jumps at himself, glaring towards Cartman. "Wait a minute, why do you want revenge on Clyde?"

As if he was giving into something, Cartman sighed heavily, annoyance spread onto his chubby face. "I don't give a shit about Butters," Automatically Kenny tenses, becoming angry. Cartman holds a hand up quickly though, not giving Kenny a chance to get completely angry. "but it isn't about him for me. Heidi happens to be very against homophobia. I would like her back. This will help."

Not totally surprised at Cartman's true intentions, Kenny nods. As he thought about how Stan would react, he honestly found himself not caring about Stan in this situation. All Stan cared about, at the moment, was shutting everyone out and protecting himself. Although Kenny could understand to an extent, it was still pretty fucking annoying.

This whole plan had no benefit for Kyle either though, so Kenny felt better with that fact in mind. Sure, Kyle would get to see Clyde humiliated, but Clyde took his girlfriend, his social status, AND all of his friends - so really, was it an even score for Kyle?

Kenny decided that in this matter, Kyle and Stan didn't matter. This was about doing right by Butters (without beating the shit out of Clyde), and Kenny was determined to make Clyde feel as shitty as everyone he hurt did.

~

After spending a day in the principal's office, only to be dragged out by his overreacting mother, Kyle was exhausted. Of course, to get his course work done, he had barely slept that week, pushing himself farther than a seventeen year old was supposed to go. 

Sheila lectured him for over an hour when he had gotten home with her, about how he needed to focus on the only important thing in his life - college. Kyle hadn't said anything the whole lecture, going upstairs as soon as she was done. 

When he heard Stan say those truthful things about him in the gym to Craig (who he asked to talk to Stan for him), Kyle had completely given up all hope in getting any of his actual friends back. Kyle convinced himself that everyone felt the same as Stan did about him. Even Craig and Tweek who had listened to everything he told them.

Kyle's anxiety was manifesting like never before, showing even when he felt like he had things under control. Honestly, he felt like he was just as paranoid and on edge as Tweek was; that's how anxious he had become. 

As Kyle laid on his bed, thinking of all of the things he needed to do, Stan wandered into his mind again. As he felt the guilt from the past two years up until the present moment, tears began to streak mercilessly down his face, Kyle's chest shuddering as he thought about how many times Stan had drank because of him.

Because of him.

Everything was because of him.

Sobbing as those thoughts crossed his head again, and again, Kyle felt his vision start to go black. He knew, that once again, he was going to pass out over being a shitty person. Pathetic, He thought to himself bitterly. 

It was happening at least three times a week now, but who cared about a hypocritical, selfish, Jew boy anyways?

Certainly not Kyle himself. 

Passing out onto his bed as the sun set, Kyle was unaware of the figure watching him from a tree branched in front of his window. The figure happened to be Mysterion, checking in on his former friend, whom he saw was in agony. Mysterion - Kenny - knew there wasn't much he could do for Kyle anymore, but longed to be there to comfort him, and help him breathe.

Unfortunately, due to his dedication to Stan, Mysterion moved on from Kyle's house, not wanting to secretly betray his best friend. He still loved Kyle as a brother, but what was he supposed to do? Betray Stan's trust and feelings?

Mysterion ran towards Stan's house, trying to ignore the questions about his loyalty stirring in his head. As he perched on a tree branch kind of close to Stan's window, Kenny - Mysterion - saw that Stan was once again clenching a bottle as he watched American Dad.

Obviously, Stan's suicide attempt was not helping his drinking problem, only seeming to make things worse. Yet, Kenny still felt like something was missing from Stan's story. He knew for a fact, especially after see the video of Clyde, that Stan had beat his ass and that Clyde hadn't laid a hand on him. So, how did he get beat up and cut?

Sitting in Stan's tree, Kenny felt a bit ridiculous as he went through police reports online. Sure, this was for his best friend, but it didn't make him feel any less creepy. 

As soon as he came across a missing poster (with a reward) for Stan's dad, Kenny understood what Stan wasn't telling him. Obviously, Stan didn't want to admit to having an abusive father because saying it out loud would make it real - and Stan didn't need reality hitting him in the face any harder.

Kenny jumped off the tree, landing swiftly on his ankles, as he saw Stan fall asleep soon after his investigation. Mysterion was able to go home now that he knew Stan and Kyle were safe, and not trying to attempt suicide. He was not going to let one of his friends do that under his nose ever again.

Tomorrow was Butters' first day back since the assault, and Kenny knew that he needed to be completely alert for his buttercup all day. As he climbed into his window, Kenny rubbed his face roughly, feeling defeated from the state his friends were in. Were they ever going to get better?

~ 

Kyle awoke with a start in his room at four in the morning, panicking as he realized he had passed out before doing his homework. Scrambling over to his computer, Kyle checked all of his assignments, before realizing that was actually completely caught up. 

Relaxing now that he knew his grades were secure, Kyle slumped back into bed, falling asleep as soon as he pulled his blanket over his body. 

What felt like only minutes later, Kyle's alarm began blaring. He smacked it as he groaned, annoyed that he still felt so goddamn shitty. Only changing his sweatshirt from the day before, Kyle walked downstairs in his joggers, grabbing for a pot of coffee as he mentally prepared himself for another day of being shunned by everyone.

He wasn't completely sure what Clyde told all of the students in the school for everyone besides Craig and Tweek to ignore him, but it had to be some bullshit that everyone bought. Kyle didn't care much about Clyde or Bebe - he really only cared for Stan, Kenny, and Butters now. Stan and Kenny didn't want him though, and Butters had been out of school since the assault. 

Deciding that he really didn't want to drive to school with his mother this morning, Kyle left with a cup of coffee early. 

Although, he had gotten over twelve hours of sleep, Kyle's anxiety was on edge, his eyes darting to every car as they passed. He was afraid he would see Stan's truck. The last person he wanted to see right now, was Stan and his hateful glares. 

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. GUILTY.

Kyle shook away his plaguing thoughts, tears already brimming in his eyes as approached the school. 

Knowing he was early, Kyle went straight towards the gym, hoping to get in some random study time before the shitty school day started. If he was going to have a bad social life, why have a bad academic life too?

Walking into the building detached from the school, he heard a couple people talking, their voices echoing due to the way the gym was built. Kyle recognized the voices as Craig and Tweek, and relaxed, just grateful that it wasn't Stan again. 

Without making a lot of noise, Kyle approached the couple, watching as Tweek cheered Craig on timidly as he shot baskets for him.

Craig spotted Kyle though, and dropped the ball quickly, Tweek following his line of sight. "AGH!" Tweek jumped, twitching slightly. "When did you get here?!"

Setting his bag against the wall, Kyle smiled tightly. "Just a second ago." Craig and Tweek exchange a knowing look before they walk up to Kyle. "I need advice?"

Tweek ran up to Kyle quickly, his caffeine making him move at almost inhuman speeds. "W-what could we h-help with?"

Not even realizing how much Tweek was shaking, Kyle looked at his hands. "I-I want Stan and Kenny to forgive me? I guess.."

Craig cocked his head to the left, his facial expression unchanging. "You guess?"

Fiddling with the coffee cup in his hands, Kyle tried to fight back tears. "I want my friends back, but I don't deserve them back after everything. I-I became a total different person - a total fucking asshole, and I know I don't deserve them.."

Feeling sympathetic for the crumbling boy in front of him, Tweek put a shaky arm around his shoulder. Although Craig was a little jealous, he did the same, patting his back awkwardly. "What do you think you need to do to get them to forgive you?"

One of the many reasons Kyle went to Craig and Tweek for advice, was because of Craig being able to unemotionally give advice; which was exactly what Kyle needed. "Kenny will be easy. He likes when people explain and apologize sincerely. I'm lucky that he's such an understanding person. But.." Kyle trailed off, sighing as the two boys separated themselves from him. "Stan will be hard. I don't know what to do either."

Not one of them being able to come up with an answer, the gym fell silent as they all tried to come up with an answer that didn't exist. Craig knew that if Stan kept going down the same road he was on at the moment, he wasn't going to forgive anyone ever again. His disease was poisonous to others, but most poisonous to himself. Although he would never say it to Kyle, Craig really didn't have any hope for Stan.

~

After his conversation with Craig and Tweek, Kyle decided that by the end of the day, he was going to talk to Kenny. The only problem, was getting him away from Stan, which was near impossible during the school day.

Kyle waited for his opportunity patiently though, while still trying avoid Stan at all costs. He felt a little bit creepy as he watched both of them throughout the day, wondering about their state of mind, and if anything would ever be the same again. In the back of his mind, Kyle knew there was no way anything be the same ever again.

Finally, at lunch, Kenny left Stan to go some unknown place. Kyle immediately followed, leaving his place in the lunchroom, not caring about eating. Kenny wasn't stupid though, and was expecting him to follow. Kyle found him leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

"Oh, uh.. hey Kenny." Kyle shuffled his feet, trying to play off the fact that he was basically stalking him.

Kenny pushed off the wall, grabbing Kyle's elbow harshly while guiding him to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Kenny shut the door, standing in front of it with the same scowl on his face. "Why have you been watching Stan and I all day? It's a little creepy dude."

Laughing awkwardly, Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. "Well, in light of certain situations-" Kyle rolled his eyes at himself, clearing his throat to start over. "I've realized I'm an asshole who has deserved everything that's happened to me."

Before Kyle could continue, Kenny started giggling, his face bowed to the floor as he held his stomach. "Oh man!"

A little pissed off, Kyle's face started to turn red as he placed his hands on his hips. "Kenny! I'm being serious!" Straightening up with a smirk on his face, Kenny motioned for Kyle to continue. "Anyways, I was trying to say that I'm sorry I changed as a person. I'm not trying to use this as an excuse, but my mom puts so much fucking pressure on me, and I think after I left Stan, I became what she wanted me to be. Clyde wasn't who I was, and neither was Bebe." Looking up at Kenny with tears in his eyes, Kyle sucked in a harsh breath. "I'm so fucking sorry about Butters more than anything.. I'm so fucking sorry, Kenny."

Slightly surprised at Kyle's heartfelt apology, Kenny stood there for a few silent moments. Really, he was trying to figure out whether or not Kyle was being serious, but from the sobs he was trying to hold in - he was. "Kyle.." Kenny pretty much tackled Kyle in a hug, tears brimming his own eyes as Kyle clung to his jacket like his life depended on it. "That's all I wanted to hear. I missed you, man." 

The two boys hugged next to urinals for awhile, becoming familiar with each other once again. They both pulled away finally, wiping their eyes with large smiles on their faces. Kyle's faltered a bit after a moment though, a realization crossing his mind. "But we can't hang out until I make things right with Stan."

Kenny sighed, rolling his eyes as he thought about how Stan would overreact. "Look, Stan is fucked up right now. He's not thinking straight, and he's angry. We just need to wait for him to get a clear head."

As Kyle was about to agree with him, the bathroom door opened slowly to reveal Stan standing there, an unreadable look on his face. Frozen in shock, Kenny opened his mouth to say something, only to have Stan speak up instead. "You're on his side now? Really? After what he did to Butters?!"

The two boys in the bathroom winced as Stan raised his voice, the smell of alcohol also filling their nostrils. Kenny took a step towards Stan. "It's not like that! Kyle is just trying to fix things, man!"

Stumbling a bit, Stan came within in two inches of Kenny, poking his chest with his finger. "We're done. Don't talk to me."

Kenny and Kyle watched in horror as Stan staggered off, obviously way too drunk to be at school. Neither boy moved though. They knew Stan was too fucked up to listen - as always. They both knew that they fucked up. 

Sitting on the floor in defeat, Kyle groaned. "Well, I just fucked everything up once again. Didn't I?"

Although it wasn't completely Kyle's fault, Kenny stayed quiet, staring after his best friend as always.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the last few chapters have been a little eh, and that it’s been all over the place. Everything that happens in this story does have a reason, but I’m sorry if it’s a little boring right now <3

Completely out of reality as he walked out of the school, Stan was blinded by the sunlight as he attempted to run from his problems. He stumbled down the sidewalk, taking another swig of his flask as he tried to walk home.

So far from being able to see straight, Stan could barely stay on the sidewalk. Nonetheless, he pressed on, drinking more, and more as he stumbled on. His mind was empty as the sun beat down on his back, sweat beginning to form in beads on his forehead.

Stan barely noticed he had gotten to his house until his key was in the door, his hands fumbling to turn the door knob. Slamming the door as he basically fell in, Stan threw off his boots at the bottom of the stairs, not giving a shit if his mother got angry at him later. 

"S-stupid fuck.." Leaning on the wall for a moment as he made his way to the kitchen, trying not to throw up, Stan muttered to himself. "fucking Kenny and-and K-Kyle. Fuck those, g-guys."

"Stanley!" Nearly jumping out of his skin, Stan saw his mother staring at him in horror from the kitchen table, dropping the cup of coffee she was holding. "Are you drunk?!"

Trying to play it off (poorly), Stan stood up straight, only to lean against the wall as the world began spinning. "Nooo..." He sniffled, pointing a rude finger. "Y-You're drunk!"

Sharon's eyes began to spill over with tears as she looked at her seventeen year old son, drunk as hell at noon, on a fucking weekday. But she had enough of feeling helpless with her son.

Sharon pulled Stan by his arm, yanking him down into a chair as she angrily poured him a cup of coffee. After he sipped it for a few minutes, his mind began to calm a little, everything coming back to him quickly. Luckily for him, Stan was good at sobering up when he really needed to.

Stan's eyes focused on his mother after a little long, and he nearly passed out from shock. "Um.. wha..?"

Rubbing her temples, Sharon sighed. "Stan, you came home drunk from school." Stan avoided her eyes as he stared at his coffee, gulping some down. "I'm at the end of my rope here. Why won't you just talk to me?"

Looking up with surprise from the lack of anger in his mother's voice, Stan mouth fell agape. "I-I don't know." There was silence before Stan forced himself to answer fully. "I'm just so miserable, but.. but I don't know why."

"You could've just told me that instead of.." She trailed off, motioning to Stan's state. "I can't see you like this anymore. Please, for your mother and your well being, get help."

"How?" Stan looked up through his heavy eyelids, his bottom lip trembling in defeat.

Sharon threw some pamphlets on the table, not saying a word as the words 'rehab', 'therapy', and 'peace' stuck out to Stan. Could this really be the answer for him?

~

After hours of discussing things with Sharon, Stan and his mother made multiple phone calls to places around the city. Something that stuck out to Stan the most from those pamphlets, was something called a day program. The 'patient' would come during the day (this program pertained to adolescents), receive therapy, addiction counseling, and communication with a psychiatrist.

Unfortunately, this meant that Stan would have to miss a lot of school. Sharon had a plan to work that out with the teachers and principal, and collect his homework every morning. The program was only for three weeks, which hopefully would be enough time for Stan to get on the right track again.

It was a difficult decision for Stan. He really didn't want to need help, but after seeing his mother's face after she saw him drunk, he knew that he couldn't put her through what Randy did.

Throughout the whole, grueling process, Stan just wanted to drink - and when he searched for a reason why, he was a little shaken to find it was only because he was bored. And the way he had been acting at school? It made him feel even more sick than he already did.

Still, Stan was furious at Kenny, despite having full clarity over the situation now. Nothing was going to change for Stan when he thought about how Kyle had turned Kenny against him. That's how he saw it, anyways.

Admittedly relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with bullshit at school, Stan knew he did have two people to apologize to before he went away: Tweek and Craig. They had only been trying to help, and he was a fucking asshole to them for no reason whatsoever. He couldn't leave that wound open.

Feeling a little creepy as he looked up at Craig's house for several minutes, Stan was trying to collect the correct words to say. Were there any right words when apologizing for being a drunken asshole? Stan really didn't think so anymore.

After a few more moments, Stan knocked softly on the door, knowing that Craig would be up for school. He happened to be the one to ope the door, but with Tweek by his side, both of them about to leave for the school. "Stan?"

Stan looked down at his feet, clenching his fists in his pockets as he forced himself to look them in the eyes. "I came here before leaving to apologize for blowing you at both of you for no reason. There's no excuse for me to treat you guys like shit. I'm sorry for being such a cunt."

"Ha ha HA!" Tweek began laughing, twitching as he grabbed his stomach and pointed at Stan. "Y-You were totally a cunt!"

Craig smirked at Tweek, and then at Stan, whose face was twisted with confusion. Seeing that Craig seemed to be amused by the situation, Stan relaxed, laughing and rubbing the back of his neck. "I totally was, dude."

They laughed for a moment before Craig remembered something Stan said. "Wait, you said you're leaving?"

Tweek stopped laughing and turned his attention to Stan, his eyes wide with paranoia. "AH! Are you being taken away, man?!"

Stan rolled his eyes at Tweek's over reaction. "No, no. I'm just going somewhere for a few weeks, I'll be back."

After exchanging goodbyes, Stan left the two boys utterly confused, but grateful that he apologized. Now, it was time for Stan to really get help, and not the 'kind of' help he got from AA - actual help. 

~ (Stan exits for three weeks, I don't find his therapy practically necessary to the story) ~

Kyle and Kenny, were absolutely freaking out the morning Stan left. After he discovered them becoming friends again, he disappeared from school, and his mom wasn't answering her phone. 

They were walking to school together when they saw Tweek and Craig, and decided to see if they had seen Stan lately. 

"Craig! Tweek!" Kenny yelled behind them, running with Kyle to catch up. The two boys turned around with their hands intertwined. "Have you guys seen Stan?"

Exchanging a look with Tweek, Craig nodded. "Yeah, he came to my house this morning, apologized for being a cunt. Why?" Kyle quickly explained the situation, out of breath by the end of it. Craig understood their panic though, and patiently waited for both of the boys to calm down. "Stan told me he's leaving, but only for a few weeks. He didn't say anything more than that?"

Kenny looked down at his feet, thinking the absolute worst, while Kyle was just confused as hell. Going away? The hell does that mean? Kyle thought to himself as he bit down on his lower lip, not noticing Kenny kind of freaking out.

Luckily, they happened to stop in front of Butters' house, where they had been going anyways. Butters came limping out, showing on his face that he was confused by Kyle being there, but smiled at him nonetheless. 

"Well, Hi, Kyle!" He said cheerfully, grabbing Kenny's hand swiftly and receiving a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, Butters." Kyle smiled sadly, remembering the events of that day. "How are you feeling?"

Kenny looked sideways at Kyle, but Butters smiled, giving a thumbs up. "I feel fine! How 'bout you?"

They continued walking again, Kyle sniffling. "Butters, I know you don't remember-"

"Ken filled me in." Butters cut him off, a cheeriness still in his voice. "I know you're gonna apologize, but it's okay! I get that you're confused about your sexuality!"

Immediately, Kyle's face turned red at Butters words, glaring as Kenny started to chuckle. "I'm not confused about my sexuality!"

Knowing he was full of shit, Butters rolled his eyes. "Sure, Kyle."

Butters and Kenny continued talking about something else, but Kyle's brain began to wonder off as he thought about Stan. He just wanted to know if he was safe. He knew it would be awhile before Stan would talk to him again, but Kyle needed him to be safe, and healthy. 

As they approached the school, Kyle spotted Cartman standing outside the bike racks, his arms crossed in front of his chest as if he was looking for someone. Cartman perked up when he noticed Kenny, which confused Kyle since Kenny hated him just as much as everyone else.

Kyle looked towards Kenny, noticing how Kenny made eye contact with Cartman, shaking his head. Kenny looked over at Kyle, guilt flashing onto his face as he saw how angry Kyle was. Everyone knew that Cartman and Kyle's hate for each other went deeper than disagreements. 

At the front of the school now, Kenny kissed Butters sweetly on the lips as he stopped to talk to Cartman. They both waited for Kyle to leave, but he stayed put, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was not a moron, he knew they were up to something.

 

"Kehl," Cartman glared at him. "Isn't your Jew-ness needed else where?"

Grabbing the collar of his jacket, Kyle growled at Cartman. "What the fuck are you guys up to, fatass?"

Kenny pulled Kyle away from Cartman, his hands gently on his shoulders. "Dude, we're just trying to get back at Clyde." Kyle made a face, and Kenny nodded. "Look I know how it sounds, but I guess he wants Heidi back."

Kyle pushed Kenny's arms off of him, his face turning almost as red as his hair. "If you think this fat bitch is doing for Heidi, you're being a fucking dumbass, Kenny. Come on. You know that it has to be more than that, dude."

Scoffing at his friend's idiotic behavior, Kyle practically stomped inside, nearly knocking over Wendy as he aggressively opened the door. Kyle sure knew how to be dramatic.

Kenny rubbed his temples, annoyed at Kyle's words. He knew Kyle was right, but he had always hated to admit it - even now. Kenny turned to Cartman again. "I swear to fucking god, if you are being a sneaky asshole, I'll kick your fat fucking ass."

"Yeah, whatever, Kenny." Cartman smirked, giggling to himself as if he was the funniest guy ever. "No, but dude, you've got nothing to worry about."

Honestly, Kenny had believed Cartman's claims of just wanting Heidi back before, but now he wasn't too sure. Of course, he would still keep an eye on him as they went about their plan, for Kyle's sake. 

"Okay." Kenny sighed as they walked into the school. "So, when are we dropping it?"

Looking at the other students carefully, Cartman whispered. "Tomorrow. Noon. See ya later, Brokeback bitch."

Kenny rolled his eyes as he caught up to Butters, giving him a peck on nose. "Hey, Buttercup."

Butters blushed. "Hiya, Ken. What did Cartman want?"

Not wanting to tell Butters he was involved, in case he would be upset when the videos dropped, Kenny shrugged. "He was just being an asshole. The usual."

Of course he felt bad for lying to the love of his life, but if it meant giving Clyde what he deserved, it was worth it to him. Although, he would definitely have to explain things to Kyle later on. There was no way Kyle was going to let this happen so smoothly though.

~ Skip to last class of the day because no one cares about class~

Since it was spring now, instead of health for their last hour, Kenny and Kyle were now outside for 'Gym'. The Gym teacher didn't pay attention to shit though, which made it easy for Kyle and Kenny to just sit on the grass, and catch up on a bunch of shit.

They had missed a huge chunk each others lives, even some of the best parts, but it didn't stop them from still feeling so close. Kenny was hoping that Kyle forgotten the things with Cartman by now, but he knew that he was hoping for too much. He just wanted to talk with his friend, not plan revenge.

Kyle remembered though, and was only waiting for a moment of silence to speak up about it. He was not going to let Kenny fall into one of Cartman's trap - he wouldn't wish that upon anyone but Cartman himself. "Ken,"

Shit. Kenny smiled halfheartedly. "Yeah, Ky?"

Drawing random shapes in the dirt, Kyle pressed his lips tightly together before continuing. "What exactly are you and Cartman going to do to Clyde?"

Kenny knew he couldn't avoid it, it was better just to tell Kyle every single detail. "So, Cartman showed me a video of Clyde beating up Butters.." Kyle nodded along with his eyebrows scrunched, noticing how Kenny trailed off. "and then he also showed me a video of Clyde sucking Token's dick. So, I guess we're going to expose him for being a piece of shit."

As soon as Kenny finish his explanation, Kyle smacked his forehead harshly, groaning. "Kenny, you can't be involved in this. Butters would never agree with it, and it's not right for you to out Clyde - or Token, who is innocent!"

"Fuck," Kenny rubbed his eyes before taking out his phone and sending a quick text to Cartman: 'I'm out, dude. It's not right.' "Okay. I'm out. But what about Butters-"

"Look," Kyle started as the wind blew around them violently, his red curls shaking in the wind. "I know I have no right to speak for Butters, or what happened to him, but he honestly seems okay. Especially since he has you. Don't make him change his mind."

Knowing that Kyle was right, Kenny nodded, looking into the horizon to see storm clouds approaching. "I hate when you're right. Stan's never right."

The boys laughed together for a moment before the Gym teacher calls them inside. They walked back to the school slowly together, neither boy saying anything to each other as they both thought about their history with Stan. 

Kyle speaks up, saying what they had both been thinking: "Stan better be okay."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be short, but there's a beautiful reason why ;)

Noon, Thursday morning.

Kenny kept glancing at his phone, awaiting Cartman's exposing video. As more than ten minutes passed, Kenny relaxed, looking to Kyle with hopeful eyes. Kyle met him with wide eyes, pointing down to his phone.

Receiving a link from Kyle, Kenny shakily opened it. What popped up, was worse than he could've imagine.

There were the videos with Clyde, but way worse things. One contained Wendy with another girl - a girl that happened to be Heidi. Kenny felt his heart in his throat as he saw secret videos of his fellow classmates, and even one of Stan.

Before Kenny could look at the video of Stan, the class erupted with arguments, some resulting in punches. Kyle was still looking at his phone, obviously looking at something so horrific that his body was shaking just as much as Tweek was on a daily basis.

As the teacher hurried to stop the students from fighting, Kyle dashed out of the door. Kenny quickly followed, tripping on Bebe on the ground, whose hair was being pulled by Red for god knows what.

Kenny ran after Kyle watching as he pushed over every classroom door, exposing the mass amounts of students fighting. Kenny tried to get Kyle's attention, but was stopped as Kyle came face to face with Cartman, seemingly the person he was looking for.

Cartman looked around with delight at the chaos, not caring how angry Kyle was. "Did you see it, Jew-boy?"

Kyle pushed Cartman against the lockers with a strength unforeseen in the small boy. "Why the fuck would you do this? Why did you record all of this shit, you sick bastard?!"

Kenny shook his head, touching Kyle's right shoulder lightly. "Dude, what did he post that exactly has you so pissed?"

Not breaking his eye contact with Cartman, Kyle grimaced. "It was.. It was a video of Stan attempting."

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" Kenny screamed at Cartman, trying to lunge at him, but felt himself held back by someone familiar.

Butters held Kenny back, slowly backing him away from the situation. "Ken, please don't." At the sound of Butter's voice, Kenny melted into him, most of his anger fading away. "Let Kyle kick his ass. You know how much he loves Stan."

Kyle waited for them to leave before he continued, pointing his finger harshly at Cartman as soon as they were far enough away. "You fucking fat piece of shit. You made a site to expose people's deep secrets! What the fuck do YOU even gain from that?"

Cartman shrugged, a smug grin still on his face. "I like seeing all of the people who fucked me over get what they deserve."

Holding back the urge to punch him, Kyle closed his eyes keeping a deep breath. "What about Stan? We both know he never fucked you over."

"Well," Cartman started, looked at his nails as if he wasn't a trash can who should be set on fire. "I caught that by accident, but it was funny as fuck."

Kyle couldn't back anymore at that statement, his fist coming into contact with Cartman's face. "I'M GOING TO SMASH YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!"

As other kids and faculty surrounded Kyle, they watched as he beat the shit out of Cartman, smashing his face with his fists round after round. Cartman didn't even get a slap in as Kyle wrecked his shit, breaking his nose, breaking some of his teeth and splitting his lips. No one stopped Kyle as he did this, fully knowing that he was responsible for the destruction of their school.

Kyle stood up as he felt his energy drain, blood dripping from his fists as Cartman laid panting and crying on the floor. No one said a word, not even the principal, as Kyle walked out of the school, his fists bloody, bruised, and maybe even broken from his complete loss of control.

He didn't go far though, sitting directly outside of the doors, staring at his fists as his adrenaline came down. Sure, Kyle had beat up Cartman before, but this was far beyond a small fight between two 10 year olds - it was a deserving ass beating. 

Laughing to himself, Kyle felt tears brim his eyes as he thought about all of the pain Cartman had put everyone through. And then, there was that fucking terrible version of Stan. What if Stan saw it when he came back?

As Kyle started to blame himself for everything again, PC Principal came out, standing over Kyle with his hands on his hips. Kyle looked up at him, grimacing when he remembered that his mother would definitely be called. Without a word, he stood up, and followed PC Principal into his office, closing the door softly.

PC Principal clasped his hands together, clearing his throat. "I'm not going to call parents. I'm not going to call the police. Do you know why Kyle?" In shock, Kyle slowly shook his head. "Eric Cartman deserved what he got from you. Today, you stood up for gay rights, and basic privacy rights. As of today, Cartman is suspended from the school."

Kyle's mouth dropped open as everything came rushing back to him. What the fuck?! "What- why are you doing this?"

Understanding his lack of understanding, PC Principal nodded, pulling out Cartman's file. "Eric Cartman is a vile, unfeeling, disturbed child. Through a secret child psychologist, it was decided that he could no longer attend school with normal children. His mother disagreed and almost took it to court. This is a perfect opportunity to get him away from all of us."

Slowly nodding again, Kyle stood up, thanking the principal. It didn't seem real that Cartman was being kicked out of the school - he had always somehow gotten away with whatever the hell he wanted, why was it different now?

Not wanting to wonder about the miracle anymore, Kyle shook his head and continued walking down the hall. The rest of the school was having an assembly in the gym about the videos, and the contents of them, which probably wasn't going well considering it was being lead by Mr. Garrison.

Kyle walked towards the gym anyways, feeling the cool breeze hit his face as he opened the doors to the outside. He was scared of facing his peers after everyone had seen him lose control of his anger, but he considered that everyone was too focused on their own problems to care.

As soon as Kyle walked into the gym, everyone turned to him, an uncomfortable silence filling the air. Kyle stood there with his fucked up hands in his pockets, not caring about the people staring at him, only wishing that Stan was there to cheer him on for fucking up Cartman.

Suddenly, the entire school erupted into applause, cheering his name. "Kyle! Kyle! Kyle!"

Was this because of Cartman? Did everyone really want this as bad as he did?

To answer his inner questions, Ike ran up to Kyle, hugging his waist tightly as the cheering continued. "Kyle! You're a hero!"

Kyle knelled down in front of Ike, trying to avoid the stares of others. "All I did was give Cartman what he deserved."

Ike nodded, a wide smile on his face. "Hell yeah! It's what we've all wanted for a long time!"

He hated this moment. He didn't want to be called a hero for defending a friend. He didn't want to be a hero for beating someone up - whether he deserved it or not, he didn't want recognition for it. 

Kyle went to the front of the gym, ignoring the yells and praises. He stopped in front of the microphone as Mr. Garrison moved aside, patting Kyle on the back lightly and saying something Kyle couldn't hear.

Clearing his throat, Kyle looked out at the crowd, all fear disappearing from him when he pictured Stan there, too. "Listen, everyone!" Everyone quieted down, much to Kyle's surprise. "I'm not a hero. Sure, I beat up Cartman." Everyone erupting into yells again, and Kyle waited patiently for them to get it out of their systems. "I have fucked up for a long time. I left my best friend when he was hurting, and continued to ignore him for years. I made fun of people for being gay, and went along with harsh words because I wanted to be liked. I'm not better than any of you just because I hurt someone - I'm flawed, and more than anything, just sorry."

The crowd was quiet as Kyle found Kenny's eyes, words overtaking him that he didn't even know were there. "I'm gay. It took me a long time to realize it, but I'm totally gay. See ya."

Although just moments ago, the gym was filled with too much noise, it was now filled with absolutely no noise. Kyle left the same way he had come in, his head low, and his hands in his pockets. He had just come out to himself, and then entire school at the same time.

I'm gay. Kyle repeated to himself, feeling relief wash over him as he finally admitted it. 

Finally, Kyle was free of the chains he had put on himself. He was finally true to who he really was, no longer hiding with fake girlfriends, and fake homophobic remarks. Kyle was gay.

Walking off to the sidewalk for home, Kyle smiled at the ground, the words repeating in his head:

I'm gay. I'm free. I'm gay. I'm free.


	16. Chapter 16

Stan stepped out of his house to head to school for the first time in three weeks. He couldn't believe how fast the therapy seemed to pass, especially since it was so deep, and difficult. Overall though, after digging deep into his past and his own mind, Stan felt like he was on a much better path.

The addiction counselor suggested that when Stan felt like drinking, that he draw for his comic book instead, to distraction himself. So far, that trick had been helpful for Stan. Although, now, it was required by law enforcement that he go to AA, since it was somehow discovered that he had been drinking in school.

Besides his addiction counseling, Stan had actually enjoyed learning that there were other people who thought the same as him. He felt less alone knowing that other people were also struggling with suicidal, and depressing thoughts. They understood him like no one ever would.

He knew how "emo" that sounded though, as much as it wasn't. It was the reality of having Depression. And Stan was okay with the fact that he had to struggle through this. It just meant that things would eventually get better, and he wouldn't feel like this forever.

The medication was also helping more than Stan expected, his feelings and thoughts were more clear. Now that he could think straight without an insecure voice in his head screaming at him, Stan reflected on his relationships.

Kyle was definitely was a person he still didn't know what to think about. He had hurt Stan so many times, along with others that cared about him, but he was obviously suffering through his own personal demons, just as Stan. Was right to turn his back on Kyle, just as he did to Stan all those years ago?

Then there was Kenny, Stan's root of his anger at the moment. He promised to have Stan's back - especially against Kyle. Then, out of seemingly no where, Kenny was friends with Kyle again. Was there a real answer, or did Stan push Kenny towards him?

These were the things consistently on Stan's mind, haunting him. He really felt that everything was his fault, not because he was feeling like he was stupid or worthless, but because Stan realized that not everything was so black and white. There was more to what he was seeing. 

Despite Stan gaining some knowledge, he definitely didn't feel like letting Kyle back into his life quite yet, but Kenny needed to know that Stan was fine with his decision. For now, it was better if he got his life back on track by himself, not dragging a friend along in the dirt, and hurting them in the process.

Before he could complete his decisions, Stan was pulling up to the school, parking in the back as to not be seen. He felt like no one even noticed his absence, but he was kind of grateful for that. Stan sighed as he looked towards his backpack, knowing he had a mountain of schoolwork to give to his teachers before school even really started.

Finally getting out of his truck, Stan slammed the door, timidly walking into school. Luckily for him though, he had arrived earlier at school that he had planned, so there weren't many people around. 

Stan walked directly to his first hour, practically praying to himself that no one he knew super personally would spot him. Of course, while he was gone, Stan had received mass texts from people, mainly Wendy. But he ignored every message, not wanting to get involved with drama anymore than he already was unwillingly.

The teacher happily accepted his homework, giving him a warm welcome back. As quick as possible, Stan made his rounds to his next two classes, having success with each of them. As Stan got to his fourth hour though, he could see through the class that Kyle was in there, chatting with the teacher about something.

Stan felt his stomach churn at the sight of Kyle, his cheeks growing when he thought of caressing his cheek, and running a hand through his red curls. Shaking his head with wide eyes, Stan skipped that class, instead ending to his fifth hour.

Thankfully, Stan didn't run into anyone - or Kyle - for the rest of the time. He knew there was only a few minutes left before most people arrive, and hurried back to his fourth hour, opening the door without checking to see if Kyle was still there.

And, of course, he was still.

They made intense eye contact, Stan's face going completely pale as his mixed feelings approached him even more intensely. His hands starting shaking as he stared into Kyle's emerald eyes, holding an unreadable emotion. But before Stan could really react, Kyle broke eye contact, saying something to the teacher, before walking past Stan like he wasn't there.

That was.. different. Stan thought to himself as the door shut, leaving him and the teacher alone.

Seeming to be thankful that Stan was back, Ms. Morgan happily accepted his artwork. Stan didn't say much to her as he left, still shaken up from his odd encounter with Kyle. Just from that contact, Stan wasn't sure if he was ready to be back at school yet, and so close to the one person who fucked with his emotions.

But Stan knew that he had to be strong, and face his problems. He couldn't avoid his problems by drinking anymore, and sure as hell couldn't avoid them by not going to school. No, he had to face this shit head on.

Walking to his locker with a little confidence, Stan spun in his locker code, ignoring the feeling of someone's eyes on his back. He noticed something though, something strange. Whenever he really listened in, he heard Kyle's named mentioned frequently, but some sort of weird praises. Stan didn't understand what the fuck was going on.

Before he could listen in anymore, someone cleared their throat at his side. "Welcome back to hell, Marsh." Craig's voice rang over Stan's ears, a smile immediately appearing on his face. 

Stan closed his locker and turned to Craig, nearly hugging him, but held himself back since Tweek would get jealous. "Hey, Craig! Shit, it's honestly good to see you!"

"What do you mean by 'honestly'?" Craig flipped his off, his face holding no expression.

"Fuck off, dude." Stan rolled his eyes, waving at Tweek across the hall, receiving a frantic wave back and a huge smile. "Have you seen Kenny?"

Craig looked around for a moment, shaking his head. "Nah, not since yesterday. How are you feeling though?"

Shrugging, Stan smiled lightly. "I guess pretty good. But, I keep hearing people talk about Kyle? What's up with that?"

His face flashing with worry for a moment, Craig cleared his throat. "Oh, uh.. you should ask Kenny or Kyle about that. It's not my place to tell you. I'll see you later, Stan."

"See ya.." Stan muttered mainly to himself, left with more questions than before. This was definitely going to be a weird day.

As Stan was deep in thought, he nearly missed Kenny walking in with Butters, smiling at whatever Butters was saying. Stan felt himself fill with happiness at the sight of his best friend - he missed him more than anyone could ever know. Unfortunately, as soon as Kenny saw Stan, he turned the opposite way, leaving Butters standing alone.

Butters looked in Stan's direction, his face feeling with understanding. Before Butters could go to Kenny, Stan ran up to him. "Butters!"

He seemed like he didn't want to be caught in the middle of Kenny and Stan, but smiled anyways. "Oh, heya, Stan!"

"Look," Stan started, searching for Kenny in the crowd, but failing. "I need to talk to Kenny. Please tell him that. And please let him know I'm not mad." Butters nodded slowly, smiling sadly at Stan. "Thanks so much, Butters. You look like you're feeling better by the way, and I'm really glad."

Brightening up a bit, Butters rubbed his palms down his shirt. "Gee, thanks, Stan! It's thanks to you that I'm still here, anyways!"

Confused for a moment how Butters knew it was him (he had made Kenny promise not to tell), Stan awkwardly laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

After saying a quick goodbye to Butters, Stan went into his first hour, feeling like he actually missed out on something big while he was gone. Nonetheless, Stan walked into his first hour, just shrugging it off, not wanting drama to be the center of his focus for the day.

 

It felt as if everyone was staring at him as he came in, and Stan was confused by this. Sure, he had been gone for three weeks, but the way his peers were staring at him, was with an odd expression he couldn't pinpoint exactly.

The only two people not looking towards him, were Kyle and Kenny, both of them looking down at their phones. Stan sighed at this, setting his bag on the floor and getting his things out. Today, was going to be long.

~

When Stan and Kenny were still friends, they walked to every class together, talking about nonsense, and laughing at the stupid shit Kenny said. Now that they weren't speaking, Kenny picked up the routine with Kyle.

Stan didn't want to admit it, but this made him extremely bitter and jealous. Kenny had been so quick to replace him, so had he ever really been important to him? Stan couldn't figure out if he was overreacting or not. 

But why was Kenny so quick to replace me? Stan scowled at his thoughts, continuing onto lunch with his hands shoved in his pockets.

Not feeling like eating, Stan sat with Tweek and Craig, not saying a word as dropped his backpack on the ground heavily. They both jumped as the loud noise interrupted their flirting, glancing at Stan, as he glared at the table.

Tweek went to say something, but Craig motioned to Kenny and Kyle laughing on the other side of the room. Understanding, Tweek cleared his throat, causing Stan to snap his head up to him. "H-hey Stan, why don't you come see Shazam with us tonight?"

 

Although Craig was annoyed that Tweek didn't ask him first, he noted that Stan did happen to brighten up at the invite. "I-I mean, I would love to, if I wouldn't be intruding on a date, of course."

 

Craig went to complain, only to elbowed in the ribs by Tweek, the air be knocked out of him. "Awesome! Meet us there at seven!"

Stan nodded, turning to the lunch line, deciding that it would probably be smarter to eat. Once in line though, he regretted looking over towards Kyle and Kenny, laughing and talking like Stan and Kenny always did. He stared at them for a moment, before the caught him staring, causing him to look sadly towards the food, fighting off the tears threatening to spill over.

He felt so stupid for being affected by such a stupid things that he caused, but Stan couldn't help that sadness welling up in his chest. Wiping away the tears quickly as he received his cal-zone, his smiled halfheartedly at the sympathetic lunch lady. 

Not looking at Kyle and Kenny as he walked towards Craig and Tweek again, Stan sat next to Tweek, so that his back was facing Kyle and Kenny. Craig and Tweek didn't comment on his chosen seat, noticing his eyes rimmed with red. They knew Stan was going through a hard time seeing his two former friends like that, but what more could they do?

Stan just wanted to get the day over with. After lunch, in every class, he was doodling sketches in his notebook, fighting the strong urge to drink. He wasn't sure what was making him want to drink so bad, but Stan was determined not to give into his biggest demon. He was not going to let it win.

It wasn't until Gym that Stan felt relaxed, the fresh hair blowing his black hair back softly, the sun beating on the back of his neck as his class walked to the field. Although Kyle and Kenny were in that class, Stan knew he was just going to end up hanging out with Craig.

Though Craig usually hated when people hung out with him, he let Stan lay next to him on the grass, as they stared up at the sky. They were both lost in their thoughts. Craig was deep in thought about Tweek possibly taking over the coffee shop after college, while Stan was deep into his imagination, his sketches coming to life in the clouds as he thought up a story line.

It was a nice, and comforting silence between the two friends, that Stan desperately needed. Stan didn't need to constantly talk to someone, just being in the presence of someone he liked was enough for him - even if it was the most sarcastic bitch in the school.

"Do you ever wonder if the universe has any other planets like Earth?" Craig speaks suddenly, snapping Stan out of his trance.

Stan stared up at the sky for a moment, trying to separate logic, and fiction. "Well, if the universe is never ending, there has to be another planet like Earth."

Craig nodded, his eyes still locked onto the sky. "Do you think the planets - the ones like Earth - are better than here?"

Smiling softly at Craig's surprisingly deep thoughts, Stan sighed. "I sure fucking hope so."

Across the field from Craig and Stan, Kyle and Kenny were sitting int he grass, picking dandelions. Kenny was simply just shredding them as much as possible, while Kyle was picking them apart delicately, inspecting every part with his eyes and finger tips. There was a nice silence between them too, until they heard Stan and Craig laughing together.

Kenny sighed as he stared at them, playing with his hands. "Butters told me earlier that Stan wants to talk to me."

Kyle dropped the dandelion from his hands, his full attention on Kenny now. "What?! About what?"

"I dunno." Kenny shrugged, still glancing at Stan. "Butters said that all he really said was that he's not mad. Whatever that means."

Staring at Stan now, Kyle watched as Stan's hair blew against his forehead softly, a wide smile on his delicate lips that finally held color again. Realizing he was studying Stan's features so intensely, Kyle shook his head, his eyes wide with fear. "U-uh.. Are you going to talk to him?"

Kenny noticed Kyle's weird behavior, but ignored it, focusing on his words instead. "I mean, what if he just wants to yell at me? How do I know he wants to calmly talk?"

Looking at the grass, Kyle picked a piece, playing with it between his fingers. "You can't. But I know you love him like family, so wouldn't it be worth it?"

Once again, Kyle was the voice of reason for Kenny. Still, he wasn't sure he was ready to face Stan again, an unknown fear still lingering over his head.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor Character Death/Parental Death.

After seeing Shazam with Craig and Tweek, which turned out to be more fun than he thought, Stan walked back towards home, the air feeling chilly around him. As Stan hugged himself against the cool winds, he noticed someone sitting at Stark's pond alone.

Getting closer, Stan quickly realized that it was Kenny, recognizing his orange parka immediately. Pondering whether to talk to him or not, Stan stood there, pushing down his anxiety. It was worth being yelled at if he got to talk to Kenny, and let him know he wasn't angry.

Stan slowly walked up to Kenny, cringing as his shoes crunched the hard grass. Kenny didn't turn around though, not even when Stan stood at the opposite side of the bench, looking out at the pond as the moon glistened on it. 

There was few minutes of silence before Stan got the courage to speak, clearing his throat before he did. "I'm not mad, Ken." Kenny remained silent, his hands shoved in his parka, and his hood up. "I was mad before I went to therapy for three week, but I get it. Kyle wasn't only my friend before - he was also mine. I've been selfish." Kenny still didn't react, and Stan sighed, turning away. "That's all I wanted to say. See ya."

Tears started to well up Stan's eyes as he turned to walk away from Kenny, but he was stopped by a voice. "Therapy for three weeks, huh?"

As Stan partied in his head for a moment, he sat down at the end of the bench, biting back a smile. "Therapy. Medicine. Addiction counseling. The usual."

Looking towards Stan finally, Kenny also bit back a smile, knowing full well that he forgave him that moment he began talking. "You think it helped?"

Stan nodded, watching the ripples on the water. "Yes, definitely. I feel like a new person, ya know? I mean, I'm not just magically fixed, but I have some real hope that I'll be a normal person."

Without any warning, Kenny was hugging Stan's shoulder, his face buried deeply in his right one. Stan was surprised at first, but hugged his arm that was across his chest, tears of joy spilling down his cheeks. He had Kenny back. That's all that fucking mattered - he got his brother back.

Kenny sat up, wiping his tears, and clearing his throat as he pretended like he wasn't just crying. "So, I'm sure you have some questions, dude."

Wiping his eyes roughly too, Stan nodded again curtly. "Fuck yeah. Um, I dunno where to start.. I guess.. why did you forgive Kyle? Like, what changed your mind?"

Knowing this question was coming, Kenny sighed. "Well, I know that he's been a dickbag, but he apologized to me with so much sincerity.. I just knew how sorry he truly was. The things that have been happening to him, have really opened his eyes to who had become. He's the person now, that he should've always been."

Stan stayed silent as he continued staring at the water, trying to understand Kyle's behavior. Sure, Kyle had always valued being liked, but for him to go so far for it? There had to be more. "Why is everyone at school talking about him? And why the hell are people looking at me so weirdly when I haven't even been in three weeks."

No one in high schools knows how to keep their fucking mouths shut, so Kenny wasn't surprised that Stan had heard people's conversations about Kyle - but he sure as hell was dreading talking about it. "It's..It's a really long story."

Not buying his lame excuse, Stan looked Kenny in the eyes. "I've got time."

"Fuck, okay." Kenny groaned, rubbing his temples. "So, I was stupid and decided to team up with Cartman to get revenge on Clyde for Butters."

"Ken-" Stan started, completely shocked that Kenny would comply to that.

Kenny shushed him, continuing on. "I was so focused on getting Clyde back for Butters, that I forgot it was fucking Cartman." Stan nodded slowly, still rolling his eyes at Kenny's decision. "Anyways, if you're done judging me, Stanley, Kyle pretty much talked sense into me. But the next day.. Cartman released horrific videos on a website. The video of Clyde hurting Butters, and then you fucking up Clyde. Clyde sucking Token's dick." Stan's mouth fell open at this, completely shocked by the information. "A video of Wendy and Heidi together. But, the worst was a video.. of you.. attempting.."

Stan finally understood why everyone was staring at him, obviously shocked that they had seen their classmate do something so horrible. "What the fuck.."

Quickly continuing before Stan could freak out, Kenny shook his arms, shaking some of his nerves off. "Kyle saw that Cartman posted that, and went fucking ape-shit on his ass! He beat the living shit out of him - worse than you beat Clyde - breaking his nose, a shit ton of teeth. It was fucking awesome. And even greater than that, Cartman got expelled, and Kyle didn't even get in trouble."

Stopping before a huge reveal, Kenny knew it wasn't his place to tell Stan that Kyle was gay. If Kyle wanted Stan to know, he would tell him. He wasn't going to be responsible for outing Kyle, especially if he wasn't ready to face Stan.

Feeling overwhelmed by the facts given to him, Stan stood up, running a hand through his hair roughly. "W-Why would Kyle stand up for me like that? I don't get it.."

Kenny shook his head, wanting to let Stan know how blind him and Kyle both were, but held back, thinking better of it. "He still cares for you. He's been wanting to apologize for weeks, dude."

Suddenly feeling like he wanted to be alone, Stan starting walking away. "I gotta think about this. I'll pick you and Butters up tomorrow."

Kyle really wanted to apologize to him so much, that he beat the shit out of Cartman for a video? Sure, the video was fucked up to post, but for Kyle to wreck his shit like this, was surprising to Stan. He thought Kyle didn't give a rats ass about him, but the fight proved differently.

Even if Kyle did care, Stan wasn't ready to just accept him back like Kyle hadn't said a bunch of horrible things. Maybe they were all true, but what gave him the right to talk about Stan like he knew him? Stan couldn't keep his feelings straight.

In a horrible way, this made Stan want to go home and get shitfaced, but he shook off the thought, trying to distract his mind. Sharon was home for the night (a much more frequent occurrence since Stan's drunken walk home), and Stan knew that he had to force himself to talk to her. Maybe she wouldn't understand, but it was better than talk to a bottle.

Sticking in his key for the front softly, Stan unlocked in, slipping in the door quietly as to not disturb his mom too much. Walking into the kitchen to eat whatever he could find, he saw Sharon sitting at the table, staring blankly at her coffee. 

"Mom?" Stan said softly, touching her shoulder.

Sharon jumped, seemingly just noticing Stan's presence. "Oh! Hi, Stanley! I made lasagna, it's in the fridge-"

"What's wrong?" Stan had spent enough time with his mother to know when something was wrong, or bothering her.

Knowing that she had to tell Stan, Sharon sighed, the sound of the clock ticking louder than normal. "Stan.. the police found your dad today. He-He had a gun, and wouldn't back down. Your father is.."

Stan stopped in front of the fridge, feeling shock, pain, but also relief, rush through his body. Randy was a shitty person, and an even more shitty father, but Stan never wished death upon him. Still though, Stan felt relieved more than anything.

Sitting down across from Sharon, Stan grabbed her hands, his face and voice calm as he spoke. "He did this to himself. I'm sorry mom, but I feel better knowing his fate.."

Much to Stan's surprise, Sharon bust out in a fit of sobs and.. laughs? "I thought I was the only one who felt relieved! He put me, Shelly and you through so much shit, karma caught up with him, but I thought I was a horrible person for thinking that!"

Looking down at Sharon's coffee, Stan shuddered when he remembered his last encounter with his father. "Mom, I need to tell you something." Sharon looked up at Stan, covering her mouth loosely, her hand rest on her chin. "When you sent me with dad.. he was yelling at me for protecting Butters, because he's gay - or a faggot in dad's words. I told him that I'm bisexual, and he beat me until I was almost dead.."

Immediately, Sharon took her son into her arms, sobbing into his head as the words set within her. "I'm so sorry, Stanley." She continued sobbing as Stan wrapped his arms around her waist, tears beginning to uncontrollably falling down his cheeks. "I don't care that you're bisexual, and I'm so sorry I sent you with him that night.. he threatened to kill me, and I was not going to leave you with him forever."

Understanding, Stan nodded as he cried into her shoulder. "I-I'm fucking glad he's dead."

There was a pause as Sharon heard her son's hateful words, caressing the back of his head. "Me too, Stanley, me too.."

~

A few days later, Stan stood in front of his mirror, with a black suit on. He didn't want to attend his father's funeral. Randy didn't deserve to have a whole funeral for him - he didn't treat anyone in his life with care.

Sharon had begged Stan to attend though, and even invited Kenny so that he had someone to really talk to her. Because Kenny was coming, Stan was getting ready, avoiding his eyes in the mirror. His father was dead. This was real, it wasn't some weird lucid dream. Stan's father had actually died.

Stan hung his head as he sat at the end of his bead, feeling numb as the fact kept appearing in his mind. He hated his father, but Randy was his father after all, and he hadn't always been the worst. Was Stan supposedly to feel this numb when something so eventful had happened?

There was a knock at the door that snapped Stan out of his thoughts, jumping up to answer it for his mom. He knew that although she was grateful his abusive tendencies were gone forever, she missed who he truly was - the Randy she had fallen in love with so many years ago.

Walking quietly downstairs, Stan got to the door, seeing that it was Kenny with casserole, Stan opened the door, eyeing the casserole with an eyebrow raised. "Dude, what's with the casserole?"

Stepping from behind Kenny, Kyle came around, looking only at the ground. "My mom made it."

Usually, Stan would've asked Kyle to leave, but today, he felt as if he needed his presence at the funeral. Without another word to either of them, Stan let them in, closing the door softly and looking towards his mom's room. He followed them to the kitchen, watching as Kenny put the casserole into the fridge.

Sitting at the table, Stan held his head in his hands, still not feeling as if this was real. Stan's body shook as he was over come with emotions, his chest threatening to burst with agony as good memories played through in his head again and again, and again.

Kyle could see Stan's conflicting pain, sitting down next to him carefully. They weren't friends, but that didn't mean that he couldn't comfort him. Kyle softly grabbed Stan's hand, Stan squeezing back immediately, probably not even realizing that it was Kyle's.

Kenny looked at his two best friends with sorrow, not knowing what to do as he watched Stan succumb to the feelings of losing a parent. Kenny noticed that Kyle was holding Stan's hand, and rubbing his back, making him smile a little at the two - they didn't realize how perfect they were for each other.

Sharon came into the kitchen, clearing her throat as she saw Stan breaking down. She had just been breaking down upstairs too, but the funeral was going to start in less than hour, and Sharon knew that they both had to pull it together. 

Stan quickly dropped Kyle's hand, still not acknowledging the fact that he was holding it, and followed his mother out of the door, wiping his tears away. Kenny and Kyle followed quietly, both looking at the ground as they felt for their friend, not knowing the words to say.

They got to the funeral home faster than Stan had hoped, and were forced to go inside. Stan felt as if his feet his feet were cement as he went to bury his father. A child isn't supposed to bury their parent, wasn't that how the saying went? But here Stan was, having to bury his father before he was eighteen.  

Kenny and Kyle followed behind, sitting beside Stan in the service room, Randy's casket lying open for people to view. Stan avoided looking at it as people began to come in, not wanting to see his father dead, still in denial that everything was real. Kyle was sat next to Stan, wanting to comfort him; Kyle knew Kenny wasn't good at comforting, and was okay with Kyle taking on the duty.

As the funeral started, Stan looked down at his hands, avoiding looking up at the Pastor. He listened to the words, but didn't comprehend the reality of it. A couple of people that Kyle recognized spoke, Stan still not looking up even once, his body starting to shake.

Deciding quickly to grab Stan's hand, Kyle gripped it tightly, causing Stan to look at him with tears in his eyes. At the moment, Kyle knew there was nothing more disturbing than looking into the eyes of a child who had lost a parent.

Stan fought back tears, and squeezed Kyle's hand tightly, looking up towards the cross at the front of the room. Kyle could practically hear Stan cursing God out, but never let go of his hand, squeezing even tighter as the funeral came to a close.

The family was asked to come to the front of the room, and say goodbye. Sharon rose, along with Stan, prompting Kyle to let go. Stan quickly grabbed Kyle's hand though, dragging him to the front of the room with him.

Standing in front of Randy's body now, Stan felt tears spill down his cheeks as feelings of anger and pain swarmed through him. Stan clung to Sharon, burying his face in her shoulder a she tried not to break down in front of everyone, hugging her son back tightly as he cried for the first time since Randy died.

Stan's grandma came to the casket, prompting Sharon to turn to him for comfort, leaving Stan open and vulnerable. Visibly shaking and avoiding looking at the casket again, Stan looked at Kyle, desperate for comfort.

Understanding what Stan wanted, Kyle engulfed Stan softly, rubbing his back as Stan sobbed into his shoulder, clenching the back of Kyle's suit roughly. Upon seeing Stan in such a state, Kenny went to the lobby to calm himself down, not wanting to cry when it was Stan going through the horrible event.

As Kyle and Stan stood in front of the room, in each other's arms, Stan refused to let go. The casket was preparing to be buried, but Stan refused to let go, sobs ripping out of his body as he kept catching glances of his father. Kyle felt tears run down his face as Stan's agony rippled through him, disturbing him to the core.

Kyle never wanted to see Stan suffer this horribly, it made him sick to his stomach to see such a caring, and beat-up person in such pain. But Kyle knew that Randy had to be buried, and softly pried Stan off of him, grabbing his hand immediately.

"We have to bury him, Stan." Kyle said softly, rubbing the back of Stan's head.

Stan looked at his with empty eyes, nodding. He was dragged out of the room by Kyle, the numbness taking over Stan again.

Led by Stan, Sharon, Stan's grandma, and Kyle, the small crowd of people walked to their cars, ready to drive through the cemetery to bury Randy. Stan sat in the back with Kyle, never letting go of his hand as they drove to where he was being buried, which only took about 2 minutes. Although most of the people that attended the funeral didn't want to attend the burial, since it would take awhile, Stan and Kyle were the only ones who attended.

Stan refused to let his father be buried without at least one person there. Kyle stood next to Stan as the casket was lowered into the ground, the last few tears of Stan's falling slowly down his cheeks as he said he last goodbye to a shitty father - but his father nonetheless.

Kyle held Stan as they stood there, looking at his father's nearly buried grave as everyone else ate, moving on as if a boy didn't just lose a parent. Stan held Kyle tightly by the hips, burying his face deeply in his neck as he tried not to cry more. 

It didn't matter that Kyle wasn't his friend, Stan felt safest with him. Kyle was the only person keeping him so strong at the moment, and he wasn't going to let go until the agony released. 

And Kyle was okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was intense, and I'm sorry about that, but this was secretly in motion from the beginning. I hope I didn't offend anyone by talking about parental death, and I tried to make it as accurate as possible.. I’m always open to talk if anyone needs me<3
> 
> (I also won’t be updating for a few days, I need a mental health break <3)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back, and we’re getting really close to finishing this book :)

After the funeral, Stan had only spent two days off of school. Of course, because of Stan's conflicting feelings with his father's death, he pretty much pretended that everything was okay. He even smiled as people said hello to him out of sympathy, oblivious to their pity.

His friends saw problems with this, for obvious reasons, but didn't want to set him off, or push him over the edge even more than he already was. See, on the outside, Stan was still just a recovering alcoholic - but on the inside, he felt absolutely nothing. He was empty towards everything, and everyone; his feelings buried deep inside of him. 

Kyle could practically see Stan's struggle tearing him up inside, like he had x-ray googles looking into his soul. But, Kyle was too afraid to approach Stan after that day. Stan had clung to him for the rest of the day of the funeral, yet never said a word to him. How was Kyle supposed to react?

Stan, on the other hand, didn't even realize that he had clung to Kyle. In fact, the entire funeral itself for him, seemed like a blur. He knew something was wrong with him of course, but he didn't want to deal with it quite yet.

Kenny was trying to push Stan to talk, which may have been a bad move to others, but Stan needed to be pushed to express himself. Kenny knew better than anyone that Stan needed to talk about his conflicting feelings with Randy, whether he wanted to or not. Holding that shit inside, would eventually cause an eruption Stan couldn't afford.

As Kyle and Kenny stood in the cafeteria, staring at Stan's still back, they contemplated whether Kyle being present was smart. Sure, they had bigger things to worry about, but they didn't want to cause Stan any more emotional stress.

Motioning to the table, Kenny walked forwards, knowing that it was worth a try. Stan looked up at Kenny, smiling softly at him, almost flinching when he noticed Kyle walk up quickly. Not saying anything for a moment, Stan stared at Kyle, the smallest tingle pulling at his stomach. Instead of saying anything, Stan simply nodded at Kenny, accepting Kenny's request.

Kenny sat next to Stan, while Kyle sat next to him, the whole table remaining quiet. Kenny wanted to say something to relieve the horrible tension, but something stupid, and creepy came out instead: "So, I saw Butters' dick last night."

Kyle face-palmed immediately as Stan erupting into genuine laughter, high-fiving Kenny. "Nice, dude! How was it?"

Fighting back the urge to hit both of them, Kyle sighed. Luckily, Butters was at a doctor's appointment today and didn't have to be embarrassed by Kenny's loud mouth. "You dumbasses should respect Butters' privacy."

Only blinking at Kyle, Stan snickered. "Then maybe Kenny shouldn't be bragging about it."

Completely blind sided by the fact that Stan had actually spoken to him, Kyle's face turned bright red, his palms beginning to feel sweaty. He got up quickly, walking towards the lunch line to grab a bottled-water. 

In the line, he spotted Craig, and walked quickly towards him, his face still red as a clown's nose. Craig nearly lost his shit when he saw Kyle, but sucked in his lips instead. "W-What's up, Kyle?"

Rolling his eyes at Craig trying to hold in his laughs, Kyle looked back towards his table, turning even more red when he caught Stan's eyes. "I-I don't know, Craig. Honestly.."

Craig finally noticed how serious Kyle was, winking at Stan, before focusing on Kyle again. "I can tell. How's Stan holding up?"

The blush still refusing to fall off his face, Kyle shrugged. "Um, not really dealing with it. We - along with Stan - all know that Stan's dad was not a good guy, but he didn't deserve to die. I think Stan is really struggling with that."

It was obvious to Craig that Kyle understood Stan's feelings, but wasn't going to speak to him without a push. "Why don't you talk to him?"

Kyle shook his head quickly, his eyes growing wide with fear. "No, no. He does not want to talk to me, dude."

Cocking his head in Stan's direction, Kyle looked to see Stan turning away quickly, avoiding his eyes. "It seems like he does." Kyle scowled at him, his arms crossed against his chest. "I'm just telling you what I'm seeing, Kyle."

Kyle and Craig separated, Craig continuing to get his food, and Kyle sitting back down at the lunch table. He had gone up there for water, but came back empty handed, groaning as he sat next to Kenny again.

Kenny shot him a weird look. "What's up?"

His eyes following Craig as he walked towards their table, Kyle glared. "Craig's an asshole."

Hearing the end of Kyle's sentence, Craig flipped him off, earning an eye roll from Kyle. 

Pulling out his phone from deep in his backpack, Kyle saw that he had multiple message from his mother. Sighing deeply, Kyle opened them, fighting back the tears threatening to form in his eyes as he looked at the messages.

Mom : A B- in Physics?! Kyle, are you even trying???

Mom : You better come home straight after school and study.

Mom : I'm about done trying with you. All you do is mess up your life!

Mom : You know what? When you get home, give me your phone. Failure.

Kyle slammed his phone on the table, making everyone at the table jump, turning to stare at him. Not making eye contact with anyone, Kyle picked up his stuff (and his newly-smashed phone) and quickly left the lunchroom. 

Stan poked Kenny, worry apparent in his eyes. "What's up with, Kyle?"

Although Stan and Kyle were both emotionally distressed constantly, Kenny almost smiled at the worry lathered in Stan's voice. "Uh, it's his mom. You remember how she used to pressure him in school right?" Stan nodded, a deep frown set on his face. "It's even worse now. He barely sleeps."

Wondering what Kyle's mother was saying to him exactly, Stan stared after the exit, trying to decide if he wanted to talk to Kyle about it. Emotionally, he felt softer towards Kyle, knowing that he would eventually be able to be friends with him again - eventually. 

Ignoring his worries about Kyle, Stan turned back towards Craig, who had been telling a story to Kenny for a few minutes as he was deep in though about Kyle. He felt a little guilty for not going after him, but told himself over, and over again that it was better this way.

It was better this way, Stan.

~ 

As soon as Kyle left the lunchroom, he basically sprinted across the school, hoping to catch his Physics' teacher before lunch ended. He had to fix his grade by tomorrow. He just had to.

 

Knocking politely, Kyle heard a soft voice telling him to come in. He opened the door, finding Wendy in there too, standing in front of the teacher's desk, a tight smile on her face. 

"O-Oh," Stuttering, he started to turn to leave. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

The teacher, Mr. Blaiks, smiled warmly, ushering Kyle with his hand to stand next to Wendy. "You're fine, Kyle! I assume you're both here about your grades?"

Kyle and Wendy exchanged a look, and although Kyle was never a big fan of Wendy, he had always related to her when it came to school work. Wendy spoke up, nodding along with her words: "Yes, sir. I have a B- and I don't understand why."

"Yeah, I have a B-, too. Did we do bad on the last test?" Kyle said, his anxiety peaking through as he talked quickly through the last few words.

 

Mr. Blaiks reached into his desk, pulling out their copies of a lab assignment for about a week ago. He set them on the desk, folding his hands together over them, a small smile on his face despite the panic oozing from the two teenagers in front of him. "You both are brilliant students - the most brilliant I've seen in a long time. But for this assignment, I needed you to step outside of the box." Kyle and Wendy exchanged another look before looking back at Mr. Blaiks again. "Both of you think logically, which is a good thing for most aspects of science and math, but I still want my students to be able to think creatively."

Kyle nodded, starting to understand. "So, along with an element to logic, there's often an element of creativity to achieve logic?"

Humming in response, the teacher nodded slowly, putting the assignments back in his desk. He handed both of them new versions of the lab. "I'm giving you the option to redo the assignment. Due tomorrow at the end of the day, okay?"

Both Kyle and Wendy nodded and thanked him, before exiting the class together. Kyle was not interested in hanging around to talk to her though, he always had felt some sort of jealously towards her. He still wasn't sure what it was.

Wendy wanted to talk to Kyle though, gentle tapping his shoulder as he tried to walk away. "How's Stan?"

Rolling his eyes openly at her, Kyle scoffed. "Why don't you ask him? You two seem close again."

It was obvious to Wendy that Kyle had not figured out from the video Cartman posted on that horrible site, that she was gay. "Kyle, I'm gay," Kyle immediately turned red, remembering the video from Cartman. "And you aren't very good at hiding your jealously."

Kyle scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest in embarrassment. "Well, I am sorry for forgetting that Cartman outed you BUT," Kyle pointed a finger towards her, blushing. "I was NOT jealous of you and Stan."

Wendy smirked. "I never said you were jealous because of that."

"Uh.." Kyle smacked his forehead harshly, groaning at himself. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Seeing Kyle's obvious struggle with accepting the truth, Wendy rubbed his shoulder, speaking gently. "Nothing's wrong with you. You're gay," Kyle looked up at her with tears in his eyes, holding his breath as he realized what she was going to say. "And you love Stan."

He couldn't deny it anymore. All of those nights he spent thinking about Stan. All of those class periods stealing glances at Stan. Admiring his features. Caring for him more than anyone ever before. The feeling in his stomach whenever he would feel Stan. His constant need to deny even caring about Stan for so long.. he had always loved him. 

Kyle loved Stan.

Kyle loved Stan's messy black hair. He loved his crocked smile. He loved the way his eyes lit up like a fire when he smile. He loved Stan's smile. He even loved the way he was fucked up as he was. He loved that he never held back his anger. He loved that no matter what. Stan stood up for what he believed in. Kyle fucking loved Stan's awkward, goofy laugh. He just fucking loved Stan.

Realizing all of this, Kyle dropped his head into his hands. "Fuck.."

As Wendy was about to respond to Kyle's deep, and Earth shattering, realization, the bell rang. Kyle and Wendy jumped simultaneously, causing Kyle to quickly wipe away his tears, and smile weakly at Wendy. Before she could even say a goodbye to him, Kyle ran the opposite direction, waving sloppily at her.

Still in distress from his revelation, Kyle sped walked to class, wanting to avoid seeing Stan. Now that he finally admitted his feelings for Stan to himself, the last thing he wanted to do, was see Stan and fuck up.

But of course, they had fourth hour together. And, to make things worse, Kyle didn't really have anywhere to sit now. Clyde was at his old table with Bebe, and since Stan was back now, he wasn't sure if he could join him or not. Stan was still weird to him, still so unreadable.

Kyle saw that Stan was already at his tables, silently doodling in his sketchbook. Kyle looked at the tables in the room, a sinking feeling forming in his stomach as he realized there were only two empty tables: Clyde's table and Stan's table.

Since the videos released, Clyde had played it off as a dare only, denying still that he was gay - or at least bisexual. Kyle scowled at Clyde from across the room, Clyde flipping off as he did so, which didn't make Kyle's anger go away any faster.

Next to him, Stan watched as Kyle glared at Clyde. It was painfully obvious that he didn't have anywhere to sit, and Stan sighed, knowing that he had to suck up his own feelings for just an hour.

Yeah, just an hour of sitting next to that gorgeous douche bag. Stan groaned at his thoughts, causing Kyle to turn to him.

"Hey," Stan said softly, his voice rough. "You can sit here. Better than sitting with Clyde."

Kyle smiled widely, his cheeks turning red slightly. "Thanks, Stan."

Silent for a few minutes, Stan doodled in his sketch book for his comic before he noticed Kyle working on a lab that was due over a week ago. Stan tried to ignore his curiosity at first, but couldn't for long, especially when he notice how hard Kyle was biting down on his bottom lip.

"Ky-Kyle." Stan corrected himself quickly, blushing slightly at his slip up. Thankfully, for Stan, Kyle didn't notice, but looked up at him, his bottom lip still between his teeth. "Why are you doing that assignment again?"

It wasn't that Kyle didn't want to vent to Stan about his bitchy mom, he just found himself dancing around the truth. "Teacher said I need to. He said something about me not being able to connect creativity and logic. It doesn't matter."

Stan frowned deeply, watching Kyle's leg shake up and down. "You need to stop thinking so fucking hard." Kyle whipped his head towards Stan, only hearing his condescending tone, and not his words. "Shit, I didn't mean it to sound like that. I just meant that for creativity to form, you can't force. It's natural, really."

Thinking about it for a moment, Kyle closed his eyes, turning his anxious thoughts off for only a moment. His imagination jumped out at him, his eyes flying open with a jolt as he configured an idea for the lab. As he finished writing the idea down, Kyle looked up at Stan, smiling widely for the first time in weeks. "Thanks so much!"

Taken back from Kyle's genuine smile, and thankfulness, Stan felt a smile make its way onto his face, too. " Y-Yeah, no problem, Ky."

Kyle noticed his nickname coming out of Stan's mouth this time, trying not to look too shocked, even though he was. Stan wanted to smack himself for letting that slide out, but Kyle didn't seem to act badly, which comforted Stan a bit.

This was going to be Kyle's only chance to ask Stan to open up to him. Of course he knew here was not the place to talk, but his only opportunity to ask was now. Before Kyle could talk himself out of it, he opened his mouth to Stan: "Can we talk during Gym?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience the last few days, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and needed to clear my head. All of you are so wonderful, and thank you for the comments <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for any spelling errors, I was pretty tired while writing this. 
> 
> I’m really excited to finish this story, not only because it’ll be my first completed fic, but because I already have another fic in the making, along with the lil one shots I’ve been doing :)

Much to Kyle's surprise, Stan had actually agreed to talk to him during gym. Of course he didn't know Kyle wanted to talk to him about his dad's death, or he definitely would've refused. 

But now, Kyle had to go through two more hours of waiting to talk to Stan, which was much more grueling than he had ever expected. He had just come to terms about being in love with Stan, but it still shocked him to feel exactly how excited Kyle was to talk to him. Even if it was about something dark.

As soon as sixth hour ended, Kyle ran out of the classroom, towards the gym building outside, eager to see Stan. He felt stupid for being so eager to talk to a person he cared about (Kyle wasn't exactly sure what to refer to him as) something so emotional scarring, but he couldn't help it.

Kyle was the first in the locker room, and changed quickly, sitting at the end of the bench as he breathed heavily, his tiny body grasping to get a breath. As he caught his breath, the other boys started to walk in, their chatter flooding the locker room, Kyle's body shaking with anxiety.

Kenny looked at Kyle strangely as he opened his locker, and then at Stan, who happened to be staring at Kyle. Kenny smiled, and winked at Kyle, stifling a giggle. Kenny knew unspoken words better than anyone, and he could tell there was definitively about to be a tense conversation between his two best friends.

Shit, this is gonna be juicy. Kenny thought to himself as he smirked, I better text Butters every detail as I eavesdrop. 

He may have felt a little bit weird being so caught up in his friend's relationships, but Kenny didn't give a shit. He was their biggest supporter after all, so was it really that wrong?

Kyle ignored Kenny's tautening looks, and followed the teacher out as he lead them to the field, pretending like he was actually going to make them do shit. Thankfully, as always, the teacher walked to the bleachers and pulled out his phone, leaving the students to do whatever the fuck they wanted.

Sitting against the fence surrounding the shitty football field, Kyle waited for Stan to come over. He wasn't sure if he was really going to, but he figured that if he did, that it was going to get serious, but that if he didn't come over to talk - it was cool. It would have to be cool with Kyle if he didn't want to lose Stan.

Although Kyle's doubts were high, Stan came strolling over, his hands in basketball short's pockets, staring up at the sky. From far away, he may have looked peaceful, the sun gleaming down across his face, his brown eyes shining as a beautiful gold; but Kyle knew he was pushing away feelings he had to face.

It was either this, or force Stan to go to therapy every week. That was the last thing he needed.

Stan sat next to Kyle, folding his hands together in his lap as he continued looking up at the sky, his eyes closed. Staring at him for a moment, Kyle found himself almost drooling from how ruggedly handsome Stan had grown up to be. Of course, Stan was still seventeen and had a lot of maturing to do, but even at his young age, he was like a fucking George Clooney. 

Kyle's breathing quickened as he looked away from Stan, biting his bottom lip anxiously again. If this was going to be a serious conversation, Kyle could not be drooling over Stan. Actually, in general, Kyle couldn't be drooling over Stan anyways.

Tired of Kyle avoiding speaking, Stan sighed. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Jumping at Stan suddenly talking, Kyle laughed awkwardly. "Well, you're not going to like it. But you don't like me, so I'm the best person to talk to you about this."

He wanted to tell Kyle that of course he liked him, but Stand held back, feeling that maybe it was partly true. "Okay. What's it about."

"Your dad." Stan visibly flinched as Kyle said this, signaling a bad start to a heavy conversation. "I don't know how you feel, and I don't want to try to sound like I know how you're feeling." Kyle waited for Stan to nod before he continued, a knot forming in his throat. "Everyone who loves you, your mom and your friends, are worried that you're not dealing with your feelings."

Stan held dealt with this confrontation in therapy, and found it the most difficult to handle. For whatever reason, the only emotion Stan could express was anger - which is what he was feeling at the moment. He calmed himself down, reasoning with his angry side until he was calm enough to talk. "Why does everyone think that?"

Kyle was thankful that Stan was so calm. Admittedly, Kyle was pretty scared of Stan when he was mad. "You were having a hard time at the funeral. I could tell that you didn't know how to feel." Stan looked at Kyle as he continued looking at the ground, the sun beating down on their heads. "I didn't know your dad like you did, but you're allowed to be sad that you lost him. You need to feel that loss to be able to move forward.

Not being able to hold in a burst of anger, Stan snapped: "What gives you the right to tell me what to feel?" Instantly regretting his outburst at Kyle, Stan breathed out deeply, calming his nerves. "I'm sorry.." Kyle nodded, fighting hard against the tears in his eyes because his friends, and especially Stan, needed him to be strong through this. "I-I learned in therapy that I can only really express anger."

Looking back at Stan finally, Kyle fought the urge to reach out and comfort him, instead, he balled his fist tightly in his pocket. "And it's the only way you're processing this?" Stan remained silent, his eyes clouding over. "Maybe that's okay. Maybe the only you'll through this, is by being angry. Angry with him. Angry with the world.. I don't know."

Understanding what Kyle meant exactly, Stan felt himself relax, resting against the fence behind him. "I just don't know if I should be sad."

"Why?" Kyle said softly, barely audible above the other boys yelling on the field. 

Shaking his head at the memories, Stan contemplated whether he should even tell Kyle what happened. He knew Kyle was always really accepting, even when they were kids, but with the things that he had said recently just to fit in, Stan wasn't sure how he would respond. 

He found comfort knowing he couldn't lose a friendship though, so Stan continued: "My dad was an alcoholic, which is obviously where I got it from." Kyle felt awkward as Stan laughed dryly at his "joke". "He was also homophobic. I don't know how, but he heard that I had defended Butters from Clyde. It pissed me off, and I told him I was bisexual, and then he beat me almost to death for it."

Kyle's head spun as came to grips with several things: Stan is bisexual, and Randy had physically abused him. Running his hands through his hair roughly, Kyle breathed deeply, trying to think of the perfect words to say. "Okay. So, you know your dad had major faults, but you didn't to lose your father. Even if he was imperfect."

Revealed that Kyle didn't act homophobically, Stan hummed lowly, flicking an ant off of his shoe. "Should I feel grief for a man who didn't hesitate almost killing me for being half gay?"

There was no answer to such a question. No matter how horrible someone close to you is, there is no getting around a certain type of grief. It's not meant to be stepped around, or dodge, like a fucking golf ball - grief to meant to be dealt with directly.

Breathing after what felt like forever, Kyle rubbed his face, forcing himself to make eye contact with Stan. "No one else, but you, can make that decision."

Stan and Kyle sat there in silence for the rest of the hour, both contemplating their deep disturbances. Kyle knew there was no way out of loving Stan, and Stan knew that he couldn't avoid his agonizing feelings for his father any longer.

Kyle got through to Stan to an extent, but the rest had to be done by Stan himself. Kyle gave Stan the push he needed to deal with someone that was never going to go away; as much as Stan wanted it to just disappear, that would never been possible. It's better to tend to a wound, than to leave it open for infections to grow. 

~

After a long, emotional day, Kyle finally walked through the door, his back sore with stress. Before he could even relax though, Sheila was in front of him, a hand outstretched for his phone, like she had promised earlier that day. 

"My grade will be fixed by tomorrow!" Kyle said quickly, his voice squeaking tiredly. Sheila looked at him, unconvinced. "I talked to my teacher, he said I have a problem not thinking outside of the box, b-but Stan helped me with that today. It'll be fixed by tomorrow, I promise!"

Although Sheila never liked Stan, she felt sympathy that he had lost his father, and softened at the mention of his name. She lowered her hand, still scowling at the fact that her son was becoming a 'failure'. "Well, okay, Kyle. But by the time you're here tomorrow, it better be fixed." 

Kyle nodded frantically, before heading upstairs, cursing himself for smashing his phone earlier in the day. He had been mad, but he only smashed his phone because he thought for sure that he mother would take it. 

Fucking bitch. Kyle thought to himself as he stared at the his bedroom door, wanting to send the thoughts to his mother. His father, Gerald, only really came home at night; but Kyle didn't like him anymore, not after the whole trolling incident. He only saw his father as an unsatisfied, sociopathic, asshole. 

Hearing a knock at his door, Kyle jumped. He literally prayed that it wasn't his mother to bitch at him more. Thankfully, it was Ike, standing in the doorway, with a large grin on his face. He walked in without an invitation and closed the door, smirking to himself.

"Kyleeeee," Ike started, an innocent look taking over his face. "Are you ever going to tell mom that you're gay?"

Groaning, Kyle rubbed his eyes roughly. He had completely forgotten that Ike was there when he came out to the whole school - but it would've gotten back to him either way. "Dude, no! You know she'd freak out."

Ike nodded, shrugging nonchalantly. "It'd be worth it if you could date Stan."

Flipping Ike off, Kyle mumbled: "Even though Stan is bisexual, he'd never go for someone like me."

Frowning deeply at his older brother's harsh words, Ike came closer to the bed where Kyle was laying, his face upwards towards the ceiling. "Why do you think that?"

"Look," Kyle started, his eyes feeling heavy. "I'm really tired. Can we talk later?"

Knowing that Kyle just didn't want to deal with his feelings, Ike scowled, but left anyways, closing his older brother's door softly. Everyone was so busy worrying about Stan, but what about Kyle? There was a boy that could barely accept his own sexuality, barely slept, and was constantly called a failure by his mother - yet no one was there for him.

Kyle was alone. 

Always alone.

~

Just the same as at Kyle's house, Kenny was also in the midst of being called a failure by his father. Stuart was always drunk, or high, blaming Kenny for their financial issues. Of course, Kenny knew it was because neither of them could hold down a job, due to be irresponsible and stupid, but never argued.

Kenny knew better than to argue with two adults completely out of their mind drunk. There was no getting through to a person when they were like that. So, Kenny just sat there, taking the yells and screams so that his siblings didn't have to.

Kevin was out working right now at the gas station, twenty, and still trying to make ends meet for his family. Karen was even doing some selling of weed on the side in the middle school, a little thirteen year old becoming a drug dealer. But Kenny, didn't make any type of money, and his parents went out of his way to make him feel like shit about it.

It wasn't that Kenny didn't want a job, it was that no one was going to a hire a boy who looked dirty and smelled of cigarettes - he had tried countless times, only to be turned down. Everyday though, he tried to find a job, to get Karen off of the street, and bring in food. But he was only a failure, right?

"Kenny,  we are sick of you being a slacker!" Kenny's mom yelled at him as he sat at the kitchen table, a cigarette in his hand, not breaking eye contact for even a moment. "We don't need another failure in this family!"

Sucking his cigarette, Kenny raised an eyebrow as the smoke poured out of his mouth. "Another?"

Kenny's mom pointed to Stuart, on the couch obviously cross-faded as fuck. "You don't need to be like your father!"

Being at nearly six feet tall, Kenny stood up, glaring down at his sad excuse for a mother. "If you spent money on nice clothes for me for once instead of drugs, I could have a better job that you."

Practically bursting with anger, Kenny's mom stood up. "You shit excuse for a son! I don't want to see you right now, get out!"

After years of the same thing over, and over again, Kenny shrugged and grabbed his backpack, snatching a joint before leaving the house without a word. Most would describe Kenny's home life as horrible, but knew it could definitely be worse.

Walking away from his house, Kenny pulled out his shitty flip phone, dialing Stan's number. He was immediately comforted as he heard his best friend's voice over the phone: "Hello?" 

Kenny lit the joint he snatched quickly, inhaling. "Can I come over? Parents freaked out again." 

Hearing Stan get up and check around the house, Kenny waited patiently, taking hard hits of his joint as he walked in the cool night. Stan sighed, speaking softly. "My mom's asleep, but I left a note in the kitchen. It should be cool."

After exchanging goodbyes, Kenny continued walking towards Stan's house, ignoring the ping in his chest as he passed Butters. No one else knew, but Butters was grounded for being gay. Kenny's boyfriend was have conflicting thoughts towards their relationship due to his parents homophobia, and it was effecting their relationship. Unfortunately, Kenny didn't think there was much that he could do to convince Butters that his parents were fucking crazy.

Kenny's best friends were going through horrible things - but he was never even thought about. Kyle earned some thoughts from Kenny, and Stan earned thoughts from everyone lately, but Kenny was never thought of. And maybe he was okay with that.

He'd rather worry about someone else, than himself. It was easier that way.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m kind of having writers block and I’m ughhhh, but enjoy some cuteness for once ;)

Waking up to the sound of soft snoring, Stan sat up, drenched in sweat. He knew he had a nightmare, but he couldn't remember what it was about.

Getting up shakily, Stan stepped over Kenny huddled on the floor, and began riffling through his dresser. As he looked for new clothes to put on, Stan couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He was almost mad at himself for being shaken up by a nightmare he couldn't remember - but at the same time, he was grateful that he couldn't remember it.

Stan glanced at Kenny and frowned when he saw his blankets across the floor, Kenny shivering in his sleep. Stan grabbed the blankets, setting them gently over Kenny as carefully as possible to not wake him up. Kenny smile in his sleep, cuddling into the blankets placed on him.

Now that his best friend was comfortable, Stan went downstairs to the kitchen, being extra quiet since Sharon was also home. In the kitchen now, the microwave reading 4:50 am, Stan grabbed a glass of water, shivering in the moon light gleaming through the window.

He felt an eerie feeling as he stood in the kitchen, as if someone was watching him. Stan looked behind him, seeing nothing, but went to the living room anyways to get away from the dreadful feeling. It was something that happened often when he was exhausted, so he found it normal. 

Turning on the TV, Stan mindlessly put on some Friends, pulling out his phone to pass the time. It's that he didn't care for Friends, he had just watched the entire show over and over again, and was kind of sick of it. 

Opening Snapchat to see if he missed any notifications, he saw that he had one from Kyle. Stan furrowed his eyebrows as he saw he had received it only an hour ago, his thumb hovering over the red square as he decided whether or not to even open it. He was slowly forgiving Kyle, but he wasn't sure how far that forgiveness had stretched.

Of course, Kyle had helped push Stan in the right direction of dealing with his grief, and Stan knew that he owed it to Kyle now, to treat him fairly. So, he opened the picture, and he nearly shit himself when he saw that Kyle had been sitting outside his house, asking to talk to him, or Kenny. Stan knew that he wasn't a stalker, but it was just a tad weird that Kyle was possibly sitting on his front porch right now.

Quietly walking to the front door, Stan opened it silently, his eyes immediately falling on Kyle, huddled up against the side of the house. 

"Kyle?!" Stan whisper yelled, surprised that Kyle was still sat there after an hour.

Jumping to his feet, Kyle turned to Stan, his eyes rimmed with red. "O-Oh hey, Stan."

Stan grabbed Kyle's wrist dragging him inside, shutting the door from the cold. He didn't say anything to Kyle as he pointed at his shoes, signalling for Kyle to take them off. Although Kyle was confused from Stan's lack of words, he complied, setting them neatly next to the door.

Leading him to the kitchen now, Stan started to make coffee as Kyle sat at the breakfast bar, hugging himself as he tried to get warm. At first, Kyle had gone to Kenny's house after he was awoken by his parent's fighting, but found that Kenny was staying at Stan's. He had considered just going home with that knowledge, but decided against it, not wanting to be home after what his mother had said to his father. 

Kyle felt guilty that he caused Stan to wake up, and even felt worse about sitting outside of his house for over an hour, expecting something he didn't deserve. Laying his head on Stan's counter, Kyle fought back tears as the memories of that night flowed through his mind again, his body shaking with fright. 

Noticing Kyle's odd behavior, Stan carefully set coffee down in front of him, trying his best not to startle the distressed boy. Kyle noticed the warmth and quickly collected himself, wiping his eyes secretly. 

Grabbing the cup timidly as Stan sat next to him, Kyle took a sip, relief washing over his exhausted body as the caffeine, and warmth, entered his system. 

"Did I wake you up?" Kyle asked after a moment, only staring at his coffee.

"No." Stan answered quietly, sipping his own coffee as he studied Kyle's defeated posture. "But why did you come here?"

Kyle shrugged, his lips pressed in a thin line. "Just a nightmare."

Stan didn't buy that for a second. Kyle would not have come here in the middle of the night, and risk sneaking out, if it wasn't something worse. "Kyle, you're lying."

Red curls falling into his eyes as he looked at Stan, Kyle scowled, irritated that Stan knew him so well. "I hate that you know me so well." They both softly laughed, the air still tense. "I-I got in a fight with my mother. I didn't feel safe."

Sitting up straight with automatic anger, Stan set down his coffee cup. "What'd she do?"

Kyle blinked at Stan, feeling himself blush as he realized how quickly Stan got mad. Naturally for Stan, he was quick to anger, but Kyle couldn't find a reason for Stan to be anger for Kyle. 

He does not like someone like you, asshole. Don't get your hopes up. He's just tired. Kyle's thoughts told him, sadness taking over his hopeful desires. 

He remained quiet as Stan sat there, waiting for Kyle to say something to explain why he was so upset, but the silence continued to grow. He knew that he had to respond to Stan at some point, but Kyle couldn't tell him the whole truth. He just couldn't.

Clearing his throat as he came up with a shit lie, Kyle bit his bottom lip harshly. "She was just calling me a failure. Typical stuff."

As Stan sat there, not buying a single word he was saying, Kyle's mind drifted to what had actually happened between him and Sheila. If Ike hadn't been there, Kyle might have been sent off somewhere, or succumbed to an even worse fate..

-Earlier at the Broflovski residence-

"Kyle!" 

Ripping his earbuds out of his ears in frustration, Kyle walked quickly down the stairs to where his mother called from in the kitchen. He figured she called him down this late to giving him a 'talking to', and remind him why he couldn't be a failure.

Slowing down in confusion as he approached the kitchen, Kyle saw his mother standing there, her big arms crossed over her chest as a laptop sat on the table. With his eyebrows scrunched together, Kyle stood in front of Sheila, waiting for her to explain.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Kyle pressed, his voice shaking with anxiety. 

She didn't say anything as she pointed at the screen. Kyle crouched down slightly, squinting at the screen to find that it was a YouTube video - a YouTube video of him coming out to his entire school. His eyes wide with fear as he stood up straight to face his mother again, he knew that this was it for him.

"Would you mind explaining to me why you came out as gay to your entire school?!" Sheila yelled, waving her arms frantically around her head.

Shaking his head, Kyle held up his hands in confusion. "Because I'm gay, mom!"

Without a warning, Sheila pushed him onto the ground, hovering over him, pointing down to him with an accusing finger. "No son of mine will be gay! So help me Kyle, if you don't get help right now, I'll give you help myself."

Kyle stood up, wiping tears from his eyes. "It's not a fucking choice!"

A slap echoed the kitchen as Sheila hit his cheek. "You chose to be gay to rebel against me even more! All I do is try to make you better, but you just keep pulling shit like this!"

Backing away from her slowly, Kyle's face started to turn red with anger. "I don't need to be better, mom! You should love me for the way I am! I'm fucking gay, and you can't control that!"

"You are a Broflovski! We are not fags, and we are not failures. Do NOT talk to me like that!" Sheila went to raise another hand to him, but Ike stepped between them suddenly, looking just as pissed as Kyle. 

"Mom!" Ike yelled, loud enough for their father to hear in his study. "Leave him alone!"

Kyle didn't stick around to hear any more, taking his opportunity, and running upstairs. As Kyle was walking to his room, uncontrollable tears slipping down his cheeks, Gerald came out of his study.

"Kyle?" Gerald hurried over to Kyle, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong? Why was there yelling?"

Shaking his father's hand from his shoulder, Kyle scoffed. "Mom's fucking crazy."

Kyle slammed his bedroom door, locking it behind him as he heard his father sprint down the stairs, still oblivious to the fact that Kyle thought he was fucking crazy, too. Wanting to drown out the bickering down stairs, along with the reality of what just happened, Kyle picked up his ear buds again, putting on his sad playlist to drift to sleep.

Feeling as if he had only been asleep for a minute, Kyle woke up to his parents yelling at each other from across the hall. He took out his ear buds, listening intently to the argument.

"I don't know what to do with him anymore, Gerald!" Sheila yelled, Kyle flinching at the way she spit the sentence like venom.

"What do you mean?!" Gerald yelled back, obviously tired of the argument. "You thought that Tweek and Craig were so cute together! Why can't you be accepting of our son, too?"

Kyle's eyes brimmed with tears as he heard his father fight for him. Sure, Gerald was kind of a sociopath, and a dick, but he had always been Kyle's favorite parent any ways. He was by far, the most sane one. 

"Because it's Kyle! He's our son!" Gerald groaned at Sheila as she continued on not making sense. 

"Sheila," Gerald said more calmly. "Is there more than that?"

Sighing as she started to lower her voice, Kyle quietly got up, pressing his ear to the door. "I've always known he was gay, that's why I try to make him perfect and only focus on school. But now that I know it isn't going to go away.. I feel like we should get rid of him.."

This could have meant several things to Kyle if his mental stability wasn't so fragile, but he took it as them wanting to murder him, and backed away from the door. Shrugging on his coat, Kyle opened his window swiftly, closing it as quietly as he could manage, before jumping the small height down to the ground. 

Sprinting down the sidewalk towards Kenny's, Kyle looked over his shoulder constantly, fearing his parents would catch up to him, and make him pay for being gay.

-Present, Stan's house-

As Kyle relived the situation, tears were streaming down his face as Stan stared at him, eyes wide with uncertainty. Stan panicked as Kyle pulled his knees to his chest, hiding his face from Stan as he realized that he was crying in front of such a beautiful person.

Stan set down his coffee, staring at his hands for a moment as he thought about what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn't sure if Kyle would be okay with that. Going against his unsure thoughts though, Stan engulfed Kyle into his arms, Kyle burying his face in Stan's chest as if he was meant to be there.

Feeling tears forming in his eyes from seeing Kyle so broken, Stan sniffled, leaning his face against Kyle's soft curls. He hated seeing the person he loved, in so much pain. Kenny had told him that Sheila had gotten worse, but he never expected Kyle to break down from it.

After a few minutes of Kyle crying into Stan, he slowly pulled away, looking only at his hands. "I'm sorry.."

Shaking his head at the broken boy in front of him, Stan bit his lip harshly, trying to keep back loving words. "Don't be, Ky."

Yawning suddenly, Kyle rubbed his eyes, realizing how tired he was. "Um, thank you.. for everything." Stan nodded, scrunching his eyebrows again. "I should go home, and get some sleep."

Kyle went to get up, only to be stopped by Stan's hand grabbing his wrist. Kyle turned to look at him, noticing a light blush on his cheeks. "Just-Just sleep on my couch."

It wasn't that he didn't want to, but Kyle wasn't sure that it was the best idea. Did Stan only offer as a nice gesture? Or because he really wanted Kyle to be okay? "Are you sure?"

Stan nodded, leading Kyle to the living room. Silently, he grabbed Kyle a pillow and a blanket from the closest, throwing it down for him. He stayed standing there though as Kyle took off his jacket, staring at his feet. 

As Kyle sat down, he saw Stan still standing there awkwardly, shifting his feet. Before he could saying anything though, Stan sat down next to him, still staring at nothing. Kyle laid down anyways, too exhausted to really think about anything at all.

Fiddling with his fingers for a minute, Stan couldn't decide whether to just watch TV quietly, or do what he wanted. Stan was indecisive, and it was becoming even more abundantly clear when it came to Kyle. 

Stan looked down at Kyle, admiring his nearly-sleeping form. His red curls were softly laying on his forehead, his lips parted slightly as he began to finally relax from whatever stress he was under. Stan wanted to caress his cheeks that were littered with freckles, all of them being just as beautiful as the other, like stars in a galaxy.

Before he could stop himself, Stan laid down next to him, wrapping his arms around Kyle's waist with his chest pressed into his back. Stan nuzzled into the back of Kyle's neck gently, trying his best not to freak him out.

But Kyle was definitely freaking out. The boy he was deeply in love with, had just started to cuddle him out of no where. Kyle knew that if he moved, he would ruin the opportunity he had to cuddle with Stan, and decided to act as if he was asleep. 

Although, as Kyle and Stan's breathing fell into sync, they both started to drift off to sleep, completely unaware that they were clinging onto each other, their hands entwining.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know everyone is anxious for me to update (and so am I, honestly), but it's gonna be a little slower than I'd like for the last few chapters. I started training for my new job, and it's been difficult trying to write around it. I'll try as best as I can, and thank you for your patience! <3

Kenny awoke on the floor alone, instantly confused by Stan's lack of snores. Kenny always woke up before Stan - mainly because he was always on a schedule, and just happened to like mornings.

Grabbing his phone from the desk as he pulled his pants on, Kenny saw that he had about thirty messages from Kyle, that ended at around 4 am. Muttering curses to himself as he looked through Kyle's explanations involving his mother finding out he was gay, Kenny grabbed his coat, calling Kyle.

As he reached the front door, he heard a vibration, and looked towards the living room, checking back at his phone to see if he had accidentally called Stan. Kenny walked to the living room anyways though to find Sharon standing there with a cup of coffee in her hands, looking down at something on the couch.

Looking down at the same thing now too, Kenny covered his mouth as he started to giggle, earning a glare from Sharon. "Oh my god! So cute!"

Sharon smiled down at them, Kyle's head on Stan's chest as they both softly snored, Stan's hand protectively clasped on Kyle's hip. "I always knew that Stan loved Kyle more than a friend."

Both of them walking to the kitchen after a moment of staring at the the two boys, they sat at the kitchen table together, sipping coffee quietly. Kenny, thinking of what she had said a moment before, decided to spill some secrets. "Kyle's gay," Sharon looked up, surprised at Kenny's sudden words. "They love each other, but Stan doesn't know Kyle's gay. Oh, and they refuse to tell one another about their feelings."

Although she was surprised that Kyle was gay, she was thankful her son wasn't chasing after a boy who was straight. Shaking her head, Sharon laughed lightly. "I'm not surprised at all. I really think it will happen eventually though."

They both looked back at the living room, hearing stirring from the couch.

As Sharon and Kenny's conversation ended, Kyle happened to wake up, almost waking Stan up as he was surprised they were so close. Stan, still asleep, hugged Kyle tighter against him, groaning in protest.

Kyle blushed as Stan did this, but knew he was only doing it because he was asleep. Before getting up, Kyle enjoyed being where he always longed to be, a little while longer, even wrapping his arms over Stan's waist tightly.

He knew the moment had to end though, and peeled himself away from Stan, hearing groans as he stood up. Stan took over the whole couch immediately though, mumbling incoherently as Kyle smiled down at him, admiring his sleeping face.

"Ky," Stan mumbled, squinting up at Kyle, his hair messy as he smiled sleepily at him. "Come back."

Fucking hell. Kyle blushed, but rubbed Stan's arm soothingly as he began to succumb to sleep quickly, still not completely conscious. Stan's skin was warm against Kyle's, almost, almost, bringing him back into Stan's arms. Stan's body relaxed completely, beginning to sink deeper towards sleep.

As soon as Stan was asleep again, Kyle stood up and walked to the kitchen, freezing in his steps as he saw Sharon and Kenny at the table, smirking at him. He sat down harshly, beyond embarrassed as he knew they had seen them cuddling, grabbing Kenny's coffee from his hands as they both continued to stare at him.

Of course, Kenny was the first to speak up, wiggling his eyebrows as he did so. "So, how's Stanley?"

Kyle rolled his eyes, but blushed intensely, avoiding Sharon's knowing eyes. "Shut up, Kenny."

Sharon laughed, touching Kyle's hand lightly, feeling as if he was worried that she was unaccepting. "I know that you'll treat Stan right, it's okay."

Burying his face in his arms from embarrassment, Kyle shook his head. "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing."

Before they could make Kyle feel even more awkward, Stan came shuffling into the kitchen, his eyes barely open. He plopped down next to Kyle without a word, leaning his head against his shoulder. Avoiding eye contact with the two smirking people at the table, Kyle sighed, almost with relief, as goosebumps appeared on his skin from the contact with Stan, again.

"Stanley," Sharon said loudly as Stan started to snore again, kicking him from under the table. Stan jumped, glaring at Sharon. "Go get ready for school."

Without arguing, Stan rose out of his seat and stomped up the stairs. He was clearly not a morning person, but Kyle found it cute.

What Kyle didn't find cute though, was the aftermath of everything from the last two days. His mom had found out he's gay, his parents basically didn't want him, and what made everything worse - was the fact that he had cuddled with Stan last night.

Now, to a normal person, this really wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but to Kyle, it was everything. They had finally been making progress in rebuilding their relationship, and Kyle was terrified that it would ruin everything.

Kyle was an over thinker. He couldn't help, but to think of every horrible possibility that could result from it. But that was enough for Kyle to panic, and completely lose control.

Ignoring Kenny's questions, Kyle walked to the front door, pulling on his boots, and walking out of the front door. Kenny and Sharon could sense that Kyle was upset, but didn't discuss it, both of them taking it their own person way.

It was too early for Kyle to go to school, and he definitely had to go home for his things. He'd rather deal with his mother than Stan though.

Remembering that his door was locked from the inside, Kyle climbed up a tree, pulling open his window carefully. As soon as he was inside, he heard a knock, and quickly closed it.

With his heart thumping rapidly in his ears from fear that it was his mother, Kyle stayed sitting on his bed, answering barely above a whisper: "Y-Yeah?"

"Are you up for school?" Gerald's voice answered, much to Kyle's relief.

"Yeah, dad, I'm up." Kyle breathed out a large breath he didn't know he was holding, laying back onto his bed.

He realized then, that his dumbass has left his only coat at Stan's. Kyle pulled out his phone, and sent a text to Kenny, asking him to bring it to school. For now, he was okay with being cold. He deserved it anyways.

Kyle noticed then, how quiet it was in his house. This scared him for two reasons: Kyle felt like if he left his room his mother would attack him, and he knew that something had changed.

He wasn't sure what had changed exactly, but it wasn't anything good. Kyle stood up carefully, opening his bedroom door, and peaking around the hallway, looking for any signs of his mother. As soon as he determined it was clear, Kyle walked down to the kitchen.

Gerald was the only one sat at the table, a newspaper and a cup of coffee in his hand as his glasses balanced on the tip of his nose.

Kyle cleated his throat at his dad, Gerald setting down the paper as soon as he noticed his son. "Hey, Kyle. Did you sleep okay?"

Ignoring his question, Kyle wrapped his arms around himself, looking towards upstairs. "Where's mom?"

Sighing, Gerald took off his glasses, setting them gently next to his coffee. "She left late last night to her sister's, she'll be back later. And we're having a long talk tonight."

Gulping audibly, Kyle nodded, looking down at his phone when it chimes.

Kenneth : we're on our way to pick you up dude. be ready

"Shit!" Kyle said mainly to himself as he ran upstairs, throwing all of his shit in his backpack, not even bothering to fix his appearance in the mirror.

Just as he finished with his backpack, he heard a honk from outside. Kyle ran downstairs, not bothering to say goodbye to his father, and walked a little more calmly outside, wanting to look cool to Stan.

Ugh, I'm so stupid. Kyle thought to himself as he realized he was really trying to impress Stan.

Kenny slid over to the middle seat, throwing Kyle his coat as he opened the passenger door. Throwing his backpack into the car, Kyle shrugged on his coat, feeling both of their eyes on him.

Kyle got onto the seat finally, shutting the door with a slam. Honestly, Kyle just wanted to ride in silence, but Kenny was definitely not going to let that happen.

"So, why'd you leave, dude?" Kenny asked, seemingly nonchalantly to Stan, but side glanced Kyle knowingly.

Shrugging, Kyle coughed awkwardly. "I had to go home and get my school stuff." At least it was partially true, that's what Kyle told himself, anyways.

Stan didn't say anything as his eyes were glued to the road, deep in his thoughts. Obviously, he knew that things were even weirder between them than they already had been, which really sucked. But what sucked the most, is that Stan craved Kyle even more now - the cuddling was not enough.

There was no way in hell though, that Stan would say anything about it. They both felt like it was better left unaddressed, not wanting to openly deal with their feelings.

To Stan, he did still have bigger things to deal with than Kyle. There were still unresolved feelings surrounding Randy's death that Stan needed to work through. If he ever hoped of getting together with Kyle, Stan knew he had to sort out his own shit first, or he'd never be stable enough for him.

Poor Kenny was just in the middle, wondering why both of his friends looked so disturbed. It obviously had to do with each other, like always, but both of them seemed to be on the same page emotionally, for once. But, Kenny was more worried about Butters, who hadn't been returning his calls.

If Kenny lost Butters, there would be no point in trying not to die every day. Kenny wasn't suicidal, he couldn't possibly be with how many times he had died, but he had gone out of his way every day, to stay alive. Without Butters, he'd just give up.

Pulling up to the school, the truck basically could've been called, "The Depression Mobile" from how mopey they all looked. It was ridiculous how most of their problems could be solved by talking, but they just refused to talk things out.

Kyle went ahead of Stan and Kenny, really trying to avoid talking to Stan for awhile, knowing he wouldn't be able to control his fucking blushing. It was getting nearly impossible for Kyle to hide his feelings for Stan; it was only a matter of time before he accidentally let it spill.

Noticing that Kyle went up ahead with him or Kenny, Stan scowled to himself, trying not to let it get to him.But he couldn't help it. Kyle was the only person who had this effect on him. He never felt so strongly for someone, yet so opposed to even feeling that in the first place.

Avoiding stares from knowing peers, Kyle went to his locker, sorting out the shit he randomly threw in his backpack earlier. He could hear Clyde arguing with someone from across the hall, but ignored it, not wanting to be involved with that jackass ever again. 

"Bebe!" Kyle jumped as Clyde yelled. He whipped around, annoyed, but found Bebe walking towards him, tears streaming down her face.

He could barely comprehend her even trying to talk to him, but it was obvious that it was urgent. Sniffling as she approached him, Bebe winced as Clyde tried to get her attention again. "K-Kyle, I need to talk to you. Please."

Despite her cheating on him, Kyle wasn't angry with her for that reason, mainly because of him finally accepting himself. Kyle was angry at Bebe for choosing Clyde of all people, and then continuing to stick with him through everything that had come out.

"Okay," Kyle said anyways though, sighing at her frantic state. "Let's go."

Taking her hand gently, with a calming smile on his face, Kyle led Bebe outside to speak with her privately. Across the hall though, all Stan saw, was Kyle's sweet smile, and his hands locked with Bebe's. Instantly, he felt a boiling, hot rage fill inside of him, his fists clenched tightly as his nails threatened to draw blood.

Kenny shook Stan's shoulder, also witnessing Kyle and Bebe. Of course, he knew that Kyle had no interest in her - or girls, even - but he couldn't just tell Stan like that, Kyle would be pissed. "Stan?"

Snapping his head to Kenny, Stan grumbled: "Why is he talking to her?"

Jesus Christ, Stan. Kenny thought to himself, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Dude, I don't know."

Leaning his forehead against the locker behind him, Stan breathed out shakily. "I thought that maybe he.. forget it."

Walking off still jealous, and maybe even a little bit pissed, Stan left Kenny in the dust, as frustrated as ever. Just as things were getting worse, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and found Butters, smiling softly at him.

"Hiya, Ken." Butters said softly, his big, blue eyes filled with sadness.

Kenny engulfed Butters in a hug, laughing slightly from relief. "I was so worried. Are you okay, buttercup? I missed you."

Shrugging as he looked down, Butters fought back tears. "I missed you, too." Butters took a deep breath, trying to calm his breathing. "Kenny, my parents want me to break up with you."

Everything around Kenny shattered as he heard the words he dreaded were coming. His hands fell to his sides, defeated, his bottom lip trembling. "Oh.."

Coming closer to Kenny's ear, Butters whispered: "I said my parents want me to break up with you. I never said I wanted to."

"Baby!" Kenny snapped at him, his eyes wide as he stared at Butters, who was smiling like a little dick. "Don't do that to me!"

Grabbing Kenny's face, placing a strong kiss against his lips for a moment, Butters giggled, making Kenny's heart warm again. "Sorry, Ken. Oh, but, we'll uh - have to keep us together on the down low outside of school."

Not wanting to lose Butters, especially due to homophobic parents, Kenny nodded, the smile never wiping off his face. "Okay, buttercup. I love you so much."

Wrapping his arms around Kenny's waist, Butters buried his face in his chest, smiling at the warmth. "I love you too, Ken."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cute, lil Bunny fluff for your hearts ;)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I love this chapter, it was one of my favorites to write :)

Jealously. Jealously. Jealously. 

Stan's mind had a parasite of jealously as he watched Kyle and Bebe talk endlessly the first two hours, laughing and walking closely together. It was like they were dating all over again, and Stan was more than annoyed with it. Had Kyle's attention only been on him because he wasn't with Bebe?

Whatever. It was whatever. Stan felt stupid that he got his hopes up that yet again, Kyle could return his feelings. Maybe Kyle was really trying to fix their friendship, but it was more than just terrible timing for him to be seen hanging out with his cheating ex.

He stared unashamedly at Kyle and Bebe from his locker, maybe, or maybe not, fantasizing about hitting Bebe with his truck a few times - not too beaten up, of course. If anyone would have been watching Stan, there definitely would've been physical daggers flying towards Bebe from his eyes.

As Kyle and Bebe began to go to a different class, Kyle caught Stan's stank-eye, giving him a confused look. Before he could eye-communicate with Stan anymore, Bebe pulled him away, towards wherever she was wanting to go.

"Ya know," Stan jumped at the sound of Craig's voice, coming out of nowhere next to him. "Maybe instead of being angry at him, just try and get his attention."

Stan scoffed, leaning his back against the locker like the angsty teen he had become. "Yeah, like he wants my attention, dude."

Walking away from Stan, Craig raised up a middle finger, yelling: "Doesn't hurt to fucking try, Marsh."

Although Stan hated when Craig was right, he had to admit that he was a lot smarter than Stan had thought. He was especially smarter than Stan - even if love does make people blind. Pressing his pointer finger against his forehead, Stan sighed, adding more fingers to the area as he began rubbing.

He definitely was going to have to try Craig's way. It would give him less headaches, and maybe even make Kyle like him somehow. Stan felt stupid hopeful as he walked to his third class, strutting in like a cocky asshole. 

If he was going to get Kyle to love him, he had to be cocky.

~Time skip to lunch~

Stan stood in the lunch line, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for Kyle to walk in. Craig had set himself and Tweek up at the table, sharing food as they watched Stan desperately looking for Kyle.

Tweek found it cute, while Craig thought it was hilarious how anxious Stan was with his new "plan". It was pretty simple, to Craig, to just show someone what their missing, instead of showing them a bad side. But that was just Craig, and his logic.

Kenny and Kyle walked into together, Bebe nowhere in sight. They joined behind Stan, not noticing the way that he was staring at Kyle bluntly, practically drooling. As soon as they stopped talking, they both looked at him, both of their faces saying 'dude, what the fuck?'.

"Hey, Ky," Stan attempted to say smoothly, but his voice ended up cracking. Kenny and Kyle exchanged a look before Kyle awkwardly waved. "You look nice today."

Kyle felt himself blush as Stan looked him up and down visibly, and winked. "U-Uh, t-thanks?"

Noticing Kyle's embarrassed reaction, Stan took the opportunity to make it more embarrassing, and placed an arm around his shoulder. "You know, you should wear your hat off more often." Stan snatched Kyle's hat off of his head, his red curls falling onto his forehead. "I love your hair. It frames your emerald eyes beautifully."

At this point, Kyle was basically about to burst into flames. He felt embarrassed, and was unsure if Stan was being sarcastic or not. He grabbed his hat from Stan, tugging it back onto his head. "Shut it, Marsh."

Pushing passed Stan, Kyle continued going through the food line, desperate to stuff his face to stop feeling anxious. Kenny and Stan stayed back together, a wide smile plastered on Stan's face as he watched how flustered Kyle remained, his voice shaky as he asked for his food.

"Dude," Kenny started, a smirk on his face. "I never expected that.. but that was fucking awesome!"

Stan laughed quietly, punching Kenny's shoulder. "Craig gave me the advice. You think he reacted well, or did I go overboard."

Kenny only nodded, not trusting himself with words. Lately, he was afraid he would accidentally spill Kyle's secret; that was something he wouldn't be able to get away with, even if it got them together.

After they got their food, Stan and Kenny went to their normal table where Kyle sat next to Tweek and Craig, Butters next to Craig, waiting for Kenny. Stan smirked as he saw Kyle grow uncomfortable with the realization that Stan was without a doubt, going to sit next to him.

Kyle stayed focused on his food though, but Stan propped his head up in his hand as he leaned on the table, watching Kyle as he ate. If even he wasn't showing him all this attention, Stan knew he would've been staring at him secretly anyways.

Avoiding Stan's eyes completely, Kyle looked down at his food, at the other boys, and back at his food - just to distract himself. Whatever Stan was doing, was making him want to just grab his shirt and fucking kiss him right there, but he couldn't.

Stan got a little tired of only staring, and began eating his food, only glancing at Kyle now and again, just to let him know he was still thinking of him. Kyle finished eating, and pushed his tray in front of him, being the one to lay on his palm now, but with his eyes clothes.

"I swear to go, Stan." Kyle began, his eyes still closed. "If you don't stop staring at me, I'll beat your ass."

Smirking to Kyle, even though his eyes were closed, Stan leaned in closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Oh baby, I'd love that."

Kyle's eyes shot open as he face turned a shade of red no one had ever seen before. It was mix between embarrassment, and anger at this point; Kyle was frustrated that shit was coming out of no where, and was sending him mixed signals.

But before he could yell at Stan, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to see Bebe. "Let's go, Ky!"

Only glaring at Stan as he left, Kyle didn't say a goodbye as Stan felt defeated. He was doing so well, and she stole him away with three words. Stan was confident that it was time to give up, and maybe even try to move on.

Move on from Kyle? Stan thought to himself grimly. Yeah, right. I fucking wish.

Craig saw Stan's slumped over body on the table, rolling his eyes, and moving to sit next to him. "Stan," Stan looked up as he heard Craig's monotone voice. "Don't give up. Remember, she cheated."

Stan only nodded at Craig, before laying his head back down, fighting the urge to just crack his skull against the table. He didn't want to kill himself anymore, but he sure as hell did want his life to stop being so fucking trash.

Just as soon as it had begun, lunch ended, all of the students filing out of the room quickly. As all of his friends left (including Kenny was too busy kissing Butters), Stan sat there, his head in his hands. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to convince himself that Kyle was too smart to go back to someone who was so shitty to him. 

He wasn't too sure anymore, though.

Going through fourth, fifth, and sixth hour catching up on homework, doodling and just keeping to himself, Stan was deep in thought. He finally decided that he wasn't going to a pussy anymore, and just tell Kyle how he felt. It was big step - a step he wasn't completely sure on - but Stan felt that Kyle wouldn't turn on him just because of his feelings.

Stan was nervous as hell as he walked to seventh hour alone, letting Kenny know he needed some time to think. Supportive as ever, Kenny just hugged him, and knuckled his hair. Even if Kyle and Stan got to be best friends again, there was no replacing a friend like Kenny.

Walking along the side of the gym, Stan heard Bebe's voice, followed by Kyle's. He knew he should eavesdrop, but he couldn't help it, and hid behind the wall, listening intently.

"So, how do you feel about him?" Bebe asked calmly.

Stan heard Kyle sigh, unsure if they were talking about him, or not. "He's fucking crazy. I fucking hate him, I always have."

There was no one else that crossed Stan's mind that Kyle could've been talking about. This caused Stan to automatically assumed they were talking about him, tears welling up in his eyes as he flipped around the corner, taking them by surprise.

"Really, Kyle? Again?!" Stan shouted at him, tears spilling down his face uncontrollably. Kyle went to interrupt and explain, but he pointed at Bebe. "And you're dating that whore again, I can't believe you-"

"Don't you dare call her a whore, Stan." Kyle poked Stan's chest, losing control of his words. "Besides, I'm fucking gay, moron!"

As soon as it slipped out of his mouth, Kyle's face went pale as he stopped breathing. This was not how he wanted to tell Stan. He didn't mean to do it, he slipped up.

Fuck. 

Stan backed away, his face completely void of emotion as he ran to the parking lot. Watching he just turn the other way, Kyle fell to his knees on the pavement, throwing his hat onto the ground as he raked his fingers through his head. Bebe was next to him, trying to comfort him, but Kyle didn't hear anything as he continued to watch Stan run away. 

Still not breathing as Kyle realized what he did, and how his words were heard wrong, he began passing out. His vision started to go black as he faintly heard Bebe scream for help, trying to say something - anything.

Finally, he managed a few words: "I was talking about my dad, Stan. Not you.."

~

It began raining as Stan sat in his truck, his windows completely rolled down as he tried to process everything. He wasn't sure if he was wrong to assume that Kyle was talking about him, but he was more focused on the fact that Kyle accidentally outed himself.

"He's gay.." Stan muttered to himself as he stared at the speedometer for no reason, his vision falling into the void of his thoughts. 

Slowly putting his car in reverse, Stan backed up slowly, still trying to grip the reality of Kyle's confession. Was this a good thing? Stan wasn't even sure how to take it, but he knew, that right now, he needed to see his father.

It may not have made sense to anyone else considering Randy's past homophobia, but Stan knew that he was PC at some point, and as he had thought about his father for awhile now, he had come to the conclusion that he was insecure about his own sexuality. Just as Kyle had been when he talked shit with Clyde.

Besides, Stan needed to talk to someone that wouldn't give him an answer. He didn't want answers from anyone anymore. He should've been dealing with it from the beginning, he was seventeen for fucks sake.

Stan pulled into the same cemetery his grandfather was buried in, and parked his car on one of the paths, under a tree. Not bothering to grab an umbrella, or even put his hood up over his hat, Stan walked out into the rain, feeling oddly comforted from it.

Glancing at all of the headstones as he passed them, Stan felt for all of the people who've lost a loved one. Since he had experienced his father's death, Stan found himself more sympathetic to others, and although normal, he knew that before that, him and his friends had been insensitive to death. He just felt like a jackass now.

He soon spotted his grandfather's, and father's, headstones, carefully walking over to them, not wanting to walk over any dead bodies. In front of both of them now, Stan fell down onto his knees in the mud, not giving a single shit about his jeans getting fucked up.

"Fuck.." Stan started, mainly to himself, his hair sticking to his forehead from the rain. "I know both of you had problems with being gay, bi - all that shit; but I'm going to complain about life." He felt stupid as he talked to headstones, looking around to see if anyone else was there. "I-I think you both knew how much I loved Kyle, even before I came out."

Stan took a moment of silence as he tried to find the right words to say. "I don't know if we're right for each other. I want us to be, but there's so much fucking drama around our entire relationship. I mean, Jesus Christ, I never thought my life was going to be like some gay teen rom-com." Rubbing his eyes, Stan laughed at his own joke. "My point is, I feel a little lost right now, and I don't even fucking drink anymore."

Sighing, Stan stood up, finding no other words to say. Before he turned away, he looked only at his father's headstone. "Dad, I forgive you for being an asshole."

A small weight lifted off his shoulders now, Stan walked back to his truck, still trying to sort out his thoughts, and feelings about Kyle. He basically just rambled nonsense to his dead relatives, so desperate to figure out what to do about a guy that he liked. 

Maybe I'm just dramatic. Stan thought to himself with an eye roll.

Continuing towards home, Stan couldn't stop thinking about every centimeter of Kyle's face, he even nearly crashed as he thoughts traveled towards his lips. Stan thought that since Kyle was gay, there was a higher chance that Kyle would feel the same. Maybe.

Yeah, maybe


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for this chapter ;)

Kyle opened his eyes to bright white lights, and the sounds of telephones ringing. At first, he thought he was dead, but when he sat up and saw Kenny sitting in the corner of the room sleeping, he knew that he was just in the nurse's office. Unfortunately.

The nurse happened to walk in as Kyle woke up, and started to tend to him immediately, asking him endless questions. He purposefully ignored most of them, hoping her annoying questions would wake up Kenny. Thankfully, Kenny's snoring came to a stop, and he jumped up from his chair, groggily walking to Kyle's side.

"Jesus, Kyle!" Kenny half-yelled, eyes wider than the sun. "What happened?!"

Shaking his head, Kyle fought back tears, not wanting to cry in front of the nurse, who was still hovering. "Stan and I got in an argument. I said something I wasn't ready to say, and he left. I panicked, Ken.."

Seeming to understand exactly what Kyle had let slip to Stan, Kenny nodded, rubbing his shoulder gently. After the nurse cleared him of a concussion, she left to call his mother. Sheila was another thing that Kyle had forgotten about. So, on top of accidentally outing himself to Stan, he had to deal with his homophobic mother yelling at him. Everything was great.

There was a thick silence in the room as Kenny tried to think of what exactly to ask. He had so many questions about how Kyle outed himself, that he couldn't pick just one to start off with. Helping Kyle with his things, Kenny noticed how emotionless Kyle was, nonreactive since his mother was mentioned.

"Wait," Kenny said, mainly to himself because Kyle wasn't aware of his thought process. "Two things, dude, and then we don't have to say anything."

Kyle nodded, throwing his backpack onto his shoulder. "Alright, man."

"What did Stan say, and is this the first night your mom is back?" Kenny asked quickly, tapping his fingers nervously against the counter of the nurse's office.

Twitching slightly at the harsh memories from his mother, and Stan, Kyle frowned at himself. "He just ran away, looking scared, which doesn't make sense, considering he told me he was bisexual." Kenny raised an eyebrow, not remembering hearing that part of the conversation when he was eavesdropping, but he had also been smoking a joint with Craig. "And yeah, my mom is coming home to talk to me, and probably murder me."

Standing up straighter as he heard Kyle say those last words, completely serious, Kenny crossed his arms, looking through the window of the door to see Sheila, talking to the nurse. "Dude, she's not going to murder you. Why would you think that?"

"I-I-" Kyle started, now feeling stupid for thinking that. "I heard them say a few nights ago they wanted to 'get rid of me now'."

Kenny saw Sheila getting closer, and quickly offered up words of comfort before the bitch heard: "They probably meant send you away somewhere. If you need me, call me. Okay?"

Only nodding as Sheila opened the door, Kyle walked out immediately, not wanting to say a single word to her. She looked at Kenny, glaring at him as she followed her son quickly, grabbing his elbow roughly as soon as they were outside, practically dragging him to the car.

As soon as they were in the car, Sheila sighed heavily. "Kyle, your father is waiting for us at home. We're going to have a long talk about you. And Stan Marsh."

Sheila peeled out of the parking lot as Kyle stared out the window, his palms becoming clammy with sweat as he realized the nurse told his mother what she had heard. Unfortunately, Sheila was smart enough to figure out that Kyle had feelings for Stan. Things just kept getting worse.

They parked too son in the driveway, Kyle's hands shaking as he reached for the door handle, just wanting to run the opposite way instead of dealing with his shitty parents. But, Kyle followed his mom inside, dropping his backpack at the bottom of the stairs. After he untied his shoes, and set them neatly on the shoe mat, Kyle walked through the small hallway, leading to the kitchen.

The walk seemed longer than normal, but he may, or may not, have been walking slower than he usually would've in a typical scenario. Kyle pushed open the door, which was odd considering that it was always open since Sheila liked how direct it was from the front door. His parents sat across from each other at the kitchen table, looking at him as he came in.

"Hello, son." Gerald said softly, smiling in his direction.

While Gerald was treating Kyle like an injured bird, Sheila pointed toward the seat in front of him. "Sit."

What a fucking difference. Kyle thought bitterly to himself as he glared at his mother, crossing his arms over his chest as he sat down with a thump.

His parents exchanged a look before Gerald cleared his throat, starting the conversation. "Your mom and I have discussed your sexuality the last two days." Kyle looked only at his father, feeling faint at the possibility of what was coming next. "And we made a decision-"

"You." Sheila spat at Gerald, not even looking at Kyle. "You made a decision, Gerald."

Only rolling his eyes, Kyle's dad continued. "Anyways, we decided to get a divorce."

Kyle shook his head, gripping the end of the table, completely shocked by the turn of events. "What?!"

"Well," Gerald smiled, grabbing Kyle's hand. "I'm supportive of who you are, and your love for Stan - while your mother is a homophobic bitch. She wanted to send you to a camp, so I filed for divorce and full custody of you and Ike."

Kyle nodded slowly. This.. was wonderful news. It was so wonderful that Kyle could barely process that something good was happening to her for the first time in what felt like forever. As it set in longer though, Kyle smile, looking up to his mother and laughing what almost sounded like a devious laugh.

"Fuck you, mom." Sheila nearly lunged at him, but Gerald pushed her down gently with a hand on his chest. Kyle smirked, standing up and stretching. "You lost. I get to be myself. I'm gay, and I'm going to be a fucking journalist!"

A little confused about the journalist part, Sheila scrunched her eyebrows, almost scoffing at him. "You're gonna go to Hell, Kyle. I was just trying to save you."

Feeling cocky, Kyle put a hand on his hip, still sneering at his sad excuse for a mother. "My love for boys save me - from you."

Kyle was on top of the fucking world as he waved at his mother, and then at his father (who he knew he had to thank later when he was calm), before marching out of the front door. He felt a little freaky as his smile grew incredibly wide.

All he wanted to do was shout from the rooftop, and tell everyone that he would never have to see his awful mother again. No more pressure to do over the top amazing in school. No more stress from hiding who he was. No more homophobia. No more Sheila.

Continuing walking from his front porch, Kyle looked up to see Cartman loading boxes into his mothers' car, a black eye still apparent even from far away. Normally, he would've walked the opposite way, but instead, Kyle tapped Cartman's shoulder, causing him to drop the box in front of the open door.

"Shit! Who the f-" Cartman turned around, and nearly shit his pants when he saw Kyle, obviously still afraid to get his ass kicked. "Jesus Christ, what in the hell do you want, Jew?"

Pointing to the box, Kyle smiled. "You leaving South Park, Fat-ass?"

Setting the box in the backseat, Cartman actually looked a little sad, but tried to cover it up with laugh. "Well funny story, what I did was actually illegal, so instead of going to jail, I have to go to fucking Denver. It's all because of you, and your fucking-"

Kyle laughed, poking Cartman's nose. "Don't make me beat you to shit again." Cartman rose an eyebrow at Kyle's odd behavior, but nodded curtly anyways. "You deserve, you fat piece of garbage."

Turning to leave, Kyle stopped in his tracks as Cartman spoke up again: "Did Bebe tell you?" Kyle didn't respond as he stood still, his back to Cartman. "Tell her that I'm sorry Clyde forced her."

Not getting a chance to say more as Mrs. Cartman came out with the last box, Kyle walked away, confused as to why Cartman cared about apologizing to Bebe. He was the one that got her involved in the first place, right? That's what she told him anyways.

Shaking off the encounter, Kyle continued on to Kenny's house, trying to find his excitement again. Now that Kyle had a serious conversation with someone, he felt his weird high start to fade, and the reality of the situation setting in. Of course this was good for him, but he felt selfish not thinking about how this could effect Ike.

Ike was smart enough to understand that Sheila was not a good person, but Kyle was worried that his little brother might end up resenting him later on because of it. Was this really a good thing for him?

If it makes you feel better, why are you trying to convince yourself that it's a bad thing? Kyle questioned himself, frowning as he looked down at his feet. 

It was like Kyle couldn't decide if he was worthy to have something good happen to him. He had always made excuses for himself before he came out, but it was different now - Kyle was constantly telling himself that he didn't deserve good things. 

Deep in his thoughts, Kyle walked into soon from behind, his foot slipping on the pavement, making him land hard on his ass. 

"Shit, I'm sorry!" Kyle rubbed his ass for a moment, knowing that it might be bruised later, before standing up. "I wasn't watching where I was going like a-"

Kyle stopped dead in the middle of his sentence as he realized he had run into the back of Stan, who was now looking at him with what resembled a scared expression. Just like the one he had given to him, after he told Stan he was gay. Standing there like a deer in headlights, Kyle wasn't sure whether to run, or explain what Stan had heard.

Much to Kyle's surprise though, Stan stepped a little close, biting his bottom lip nervously. "Do you- Do you want to go get coffee?"

He nodded immediately, Kyle's face growing a little red as Stan smiled softly. He fell into steps with Stan, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking. Kyle was extremely scared of what was happening at the moment, but also felt like this was an opportunity for him to explain himself to Stan.

Like his voice was caught in his throat, Kyle couldn't speak up and start a conversation with Stan like he wanted to. Because of Kyle's anxiety, and Stan's stubbornness, they didn't even look at each other the entire walk to the Tweak's coffeehouse. Of course, Stan wanted to talk too, but he wanted Kyle to apologize first - or at least explain himself.

Ordering their coffee to a smirking Tweek, they still avoided eye contact, both glaring at Tweek as he winked at them. It was funny that they Tweek knew their darkest secrets, but they didn't know each other's. At least, Tweek and Craig thought it was funny.

Stan lead Kyle to a tall table in the corner, sitting with his back towards the wall as he wrapped his cold hands around his hot coffee. Kyle stirred his coffee for a moment (he got decaf, but he still put loads of sugar and cream in it), not wanting to speak just yet. It was still so awkward, and Kyle wanted to just throw up.

Instead of literally throwing up, Kyle's words came up as word vomit: "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about my dad."

Almost spilling coffee on himself from Kyle's sudden words, Stan was startled by Kyle. "W-Why were you saying that about him? And to Bebe?"

Feeling a little interrogated by someone who he loved, Kyle flinched. "Um, I thought my parents were going to kill me for being gay."

Stan blinked, suppressing a laugh, at how serious Kyle was. "Well, did they?"

Kyle looked Stan in the eyes for the first time today, trying to bite back a smile when he realized Stan was not being serious. "Do I look bad enough for you to ask?" Stan's face broke out into a smile as he chuckling in his hand, rolling his eyes at Kyle's attempt to be serious. "They may have tried, but my gayness shielded me!" 

The entire coffeehouse stopped they were doing to watch as Stan and Kyle doubled over laughing, holding their stomachs as they would randomly point at each other in-between laughs. Tweek couldn't help, but to take a video quickly, sending it only to Craig and Kenny. It was too cute for him not to do that.

After a moment more of laugh, Stan wiped a tear out of his eye, smiling as Kyle leaned his forehead on his palm, still chuckling to himself. All Stan could think about, was caressing his face and kissing into his beautiful smile; but Stan shook the thoughts off, Kyle's green eyes piercing into his again.

Oh, god. Stan thought to himself as his eyes drifted down to his lips before he forced himself to drag his eyes down to his coffee. He was trying to start out this discussion still being mad at him, but so far, they had laughed together, and he had already blatantly drooled over him. Stan felt like a dumbass.

Kyle cleared his throat after a few minutes of watching Stan stare at his coffee, a weird look on his face. Stan looked back up, smiling softly as Kyle went to continue. "About my parents, they're, uh.. getting a divorce?" 

Dropping his mouth open for a split second, Stan stuttered, completely taken off guard. "What- Um.. Are you okay?"

Nodding, Kyle sipped his coffee. "Actually, yeah. My mom wanted to send me away, and my dad thought she was fucking nuts. I just don't want Ike to hate me, ya know?"

"Kyle, he could never hate you." Stan said softly, fighting the urge to reach across the table and take his hand. "You're an amazing brother, you always have been."

Nearly choking on his coffee, Kyle blushed, looking down at his lap with a smile. "Thanks, Stan." They were both silent for a moment, both of them feeling equally awkward and embarrassed. "Oh, you asked about Bebe?"

"Y-Yeah," Stan answered, trying not to let his jealously show. "I know she cheated on you, I was just confused and being an asshole. It's none of my business."

Shaking his head, Kyle gulped down the coffee in his mouth. "I think it is." Stan sighed, and leaned back in his chair. "So, she came to me this morning and was telling me about how Cartman roped her into the video stuff with Clyde. Uh, I guess Clyde forced Bebe to have sex with him because he was falling in love with Cartman. I don't know dude, it was really complicated, but I guess she knew I was gay."

"What the fuck?" Stan rubbed his eyes, as if it would help him understand the complicated scenario. "Okay, that's confusing, but I guess it doesn't matter since Cartman isn't at school anymore, and no one likes Clyde."

Humming in response, Kyle agreed, shrugging. "I don't know why she told me, probably because I came out to the entire school-"

"Wait," Stan stopped Kyle mid-sentence, learning new information. "You came out to the entire school? When?"

Thinking back to where Stan was exactly, Kyle felt a little awkward mentioning it. "I think the hospital.."

Not even being fazed by the mention of his games with suicide and depression, Stan smiled, almost giggling. "Dude, I can't believe you came out to the entire school!"

Annoyed that Stan thought it was funny, Kyle scowled. "At least they didn't run away when I told them." Realizing what he said, Kyle's eyes got wide, trying to fix his careless words: "I didn't-"

"Ky," Looking down at his hands Stan, picked at the wood of the table, cursing himself for reacting so poorly. He forced himself to look Kyle in the eyes, almost choking on his words when he saw how desperate Kyle was to just make Stan feel better. "I reacted poorly, and I'm sorry. It doesn't make me think any different of you."

The final weight of stress seemed to lift off of Kyle with those words. He felt grounded for the first time all school year. Sure, his feelings for Stan were still relevant, but Kyle felt like Stan wouldn't exactly reject him for the first time. 

"It's alright, Stan." Kyle smiled at Stan, his eyes shamelessly raking over his face. He didn't feel any shame in doing so, but only because Stan was so damn oblivious. "Can we be friends again?"

A little taken back by Kyle's question, Stan laughed. He quickly nodded though when Kyle's smile began to droop, thinking Kyle was laughing at the fact that he asked. "Yeah, I want to be friends again, I'm just surprised you still want to hang around with a guy like me."

Kyle rolled his eyes, sipping the last of his coffee. "Well, guys like you are my type."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the cheesiest thing I've ever written, good luck ;)

Stan woke up before his alarm clock the next morning, staring at his ceiling as he thought back to Kyle's words. In fact, it was all he thought about the entire night. His words were even in his dreams.

'Well, guys like you are my type.' What the hell does that even mean? Stan thought this to himself about a billion times between the moment Kyle had said it, until now. He didn't understand what he meant. Did Kyle mean that self-destructive guys were his type? Or did he mean that.. Stan was his type?

Shaking that thought off, Stan laughed a little at himself, concluding that Kyle was just kidding. They always joked around like that, when they were friends, why would it be different now?

Looking down at his phone, that was resting on his chest, Stan opened Snapchat, sending a quick message to Kyle. He felt like a fucking fourteen year old girl waiting for their crush to text back as he stared at his phone, watching the minutes tick by. After just ten minutes, Stan threw his phone on his bed as he got up, grumbling nonsense to himself.

Suddenly, Stan's phone dinged, and he dived for it, his pants half off at he laid on the bed. Feeling the temptation to throw his phone out the window as he saw that it was just from Kenny, Stan breathed deeply. Maybe he shouldn't have expected Kyle to just text him back like they were best friends again - it was obviously going to take some time to get back to where they were.

Stan opened Kenny's message, which just asked him to come get him a little early. Sighing, Stan quickly got dressed, forgetting his hat as he stomped down the stairs. He would never admit it, but he was a little grumpy that Kyle didn't text him back. He wanted to pick him up for school and talk some.. maybe even ask him about what he meant yesterday.

Even though he was annoyed, Stan smiled as he stepped out of the front door, the morning air pleasantly warm around his face. He got into his truck, rolling the windows down as his baby started up. His truck was a little bit shitty, (more than a little bit, but Stan would never say it out loud) but he loved it nonetheless. 

Recently, Stan had been making a bunch of playlists on his phone to start listening to new music, and had really fallen into liking indie. In fact, the playlist he was playing right now, was basically all indie music, and Kenny hated indie music. Kenny thought it was, 'crybaby music' - as he put it one time.

Stopped in front of Kenny's house, Stan picked up his phone to see a notification from Kyle. He nearly threw his phone out of the window as he scrambled to open it, overly excited for just a Snapchat. 

Clicking on the red bubble, it was a picture of Kyle smiling with his dad in the car, a thumbs up next to his face, the chat reading: 'What's up dude!'. Although the message itself was important, Stan felt himself swoon over the picture of Kyle, his mouth hanging open as he observed his messy, curly red hair, his sleepy greens eyes, and his loopy grin. 

Brought back to reality by Kenny slamming the passenger door, Stan locked his phone quickly. Kenny smirked at his weird composure, remembering the video he got yesterday. "So, you and Kyle are good, yeah?"

Before Stan could even question it, he remembered that Tweek had been there yesterday. He might play the face of a twitchy, innocent boy, but on the inside, he was almost as devious as Kenny was. "Fucking Tweek."

Wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously, Kenny poked his arm. "Was it a date? Did you kiss him?"

Stan slapped Kenny's fingers away, scoffing. "No, it wasn't a date, and if I would've kissed him, you know I would've called you right away."

Kenny nodded, knowing that statement to be true. Refocusing his attention on why he wanted to be picked up early, Kenny pulled a nice suit out of his backpack, sealed tightly in plastic. "Let's get to school."

Completely flabbergasted by the quality of the suit, Stan's mouth dropped open. "Damn, dude! Why are you taking that to school?"

Touching it with his fingertips lightly, Kenny grinned. "I'm going to ask Butters to Prom as soon as he gets to school."

Sighing, Stan shook his head. "Dude, Prom? Really?"

Putting the suit gently in his backpack, Kenny shrugged. "Butters really wants to go. It's really important to him."

Understanding now why Kenny was actually going, Stan nodded, and put the truck in drive. Stan found it incredibly sweet how Kenny would do anything for Butters, but also found it incredibly annoying because he was single. And not with Kyle.

Still think about the selfie Kyle sent him, Stan kept smiling to himself, Kenny watching him from the corner of his eye with a smirk. It was nice to finally see progress in a relationship that was meant to be. There was no pushing, and there was no forcing together - they were fitting together perfectly, the way they were meant to.

Parking in the back on the parking lot, Stan stayed in the truck as Kenny ran in to set up whatever he was planning. He would've normally gone with Kenny to help, but he was thinking about what to say back to Kyle. Of course, he'd see him today, maybe even in a few minutes, but he felt like it was better to as over text.

Wait, that's such a pussy move, dude. Stan thought to himself, rolling his eyes at his constant arguments with himself. 

Just as he was thinking of something to say, a movement towards the front of the parking lot got his attention. Stan watched as Kyle got out of his dad's car, saying something probably sassy, and waved as his dad drove off. It was like Kyle knew Stan was watching him, his eyes locking immediately with him as Gerald's car moved.

Neither of them looked away, but that was when Stan felt it. This time, he wasn't just going to look away, or flip him. No, this time, he was going to say what he always wanted to say.

Not breaking eye contact, Stan unbuckled his seat belt, opening the truck door. Pocketing his keys as he shouldered his backpack, Stan walked towards Kyle, his hands clenched tightly around the straps of his bag. Kyle was frozen in place, unsure if Stan wanted to talk, from the intensity of his eyes. It was actually a bit unnerving to Kyle, but he couldn't rip his eyes away either.

As to not throw up from stress, Stan looked down at his feet as he continued walked, breathing deeply. He smiled lightly at Kyle as he approached him, only a foot in-between them as they looked at each other again, both trying to find words to get them back into the flow of things. But there wasn't going back to the way things were.

Realizing this, Stan did something he never thought he'd do. Moving slowly, Stan gently raised his right hand up to Kyle's jaw, his fingers curling lightly around the ends of the red locks resting on his neck. Kyle's eyes went wide as Stan's left hand lightly caressed his cheek, his fruity breath warping Kyle's mind as he looked into Stan's brown eyes. Just as Kyle was about to panic from the intense feelings of want and love trying to take over, Stan pressed his lips against Kyle's.

Before Kyle could kiss back, Stan pulled away, his face red as he realized that he just kissed Kyle out of no where. Stan tried to back away, but Kyle caught his wrist, tugging him into his chest, and placing his lips sloppily on Stan's. Although they both had kissed people before, the kiss was a little awkward, and slow, but the feeling they both got in their hands and their feet, the tingling sensation of what it's like to kiss someone you've loved deeply for years, was what they both had always wanted.

They moved apart slowly now, their foreheads pressed together as Stan's eyes were still closed, Kyle caressing his face softly. Both trying to process what happened, they stayed in that position, feeling each other's face softly.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Stan stepped back, but not far, looking around them. He rubbed his eyes, looking at Kyle is disbelief. "Wait, is this really happening? Or am I dreaming again?"

Kyle giggled at Stan's reaction, slapping his forehead. "Stanley, we kissed for real."

"Oh my god.." Stan whispered to himself, before turning his face to the sky, and pointing up at nothing with a huge grin on his face. "FUCK YOU DAD, I JUST KISSED A HOT GUY!"

"Stan!" Kyle yelled, narrowing his eyes at Stan's outburst. Stan blushed slightly, looking down at his feet. Kyle sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried to really grasp everything. "So, what does this mean?"

Shifting on his feet uncomfortably, Stan bit his thumbnail, trying to tell Kyle how he felt. He just kissed him, but his words were still struggling. It was all real now, and he seemed to return the feelings, but Stan still felt like there was a catch. Even though he was scared shitless, Stan forced the words out of his mouth: "Ky, I love you."

Kyle's mouth dropped open as he started at Stan for a moment, scanning his face to make sure he was serious. After a moment, that felt like forever for Stan, Kyle grabbed Stan's face again, kissing his deeply, Stan's hand falling on his hips as he kissed back. Kyle pulled back with a gasp, a small smile on his face. "I love you too."

"Well, Jesus Christ! Took you long enough!" Stan and Kyle jumped apart as they turned to the front entrance of the school, where they found Kenny in his suit, standing there with a big shit grin on his face. 

Squinting up at him, Stan pointed a finger at Kenny, suspicious by his actions. "Wait.. did you know Kyle liked me?"

Kyle looked back at Kenny, throwing his hands up randomly. "What the fuck, did you know Stan liked me?"

"Uhh.." Kenny slowly backtracked inside, avoiding their angry glares. Obviously, he'd explain later, but they were seemingly too horny for each other to think straight. And they're too gay to think straight. Kenny laughed to himself, feeling a little too proud of that joke.

Stan and Kyle turned to each other, after Kenny slammed the door, laughing awkwardly. Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, already wanting to kiss Stan again. "So, um, what now?"

Grabbing Kyle's free hand, Stan smirked, getting down on one knee. Kyle immediately got freaked out, his eyes going wider than they ever had before. "Will you do me the honor of.. going on a date with me tonight?"

Groaning at Stan's cheesy date "proposal", Kyle grinned. "Yes, you fucking loser."

Rising to his feet again, Stan wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist, pulling him in close. As he did so though, he turned red, losing all of his confidence as Kyle's eyes locked with his. He let go of Kyle, rubbing his arm. "Why is this so awkward?"

Kyle chuckled, shrugging. "I don't know, dude." Thinking for a moment, Kyle came to a conclusion. "We should take it slow. It's kind of hard to transition into a relationship after hiding our feelings. I mean, I hid mine for years."

Stan raised an eyebrow, pinching Kyle's cheek. "You liked me for years?" Kyle slapped his hand away, ignoring the blush on his cheeks as he rolled his eyes. Ultimately though, Stan agreed with Kyle's conclusion, grabbing his hand softly. "We'll take it slow."

Smiling as Kyle gripped Stan's hand back, they turned to the school as people started to arrive, their hands still intertwined. Walking in, they felt a bit weird holding hands. They were definitely going to have to take it very slow, not jump into relationship shit.

But despite not wanting to go fast, Stan tightened his grip on Kyle, smirking an Clyde as they walked passed him, his bottom jaw practically on the ground. A few other people they knew gave them a thumbs up, which was embarrassing, but comforting to know that they had support from their peers. Secretly, all of their classmates (but Clyde and Cartman) shipped them since fourth grade.

They spotted Kenny at the end of the hall, balloons leading to the back door, where he was laying down flower petals. He was really going all out for Butters, doing exactly everything he had ever wished for when being asked to prom. Kenny knew that it didn't have to be perfect, but for his buttercup, he needed to show much he loved him.

Stan and Kyle, hands still interlocked, approached Kenny. Kyle looked around, smiling at Kenny. "Damn dude, you went all out."

"Tryin' to get laid, huh?" Stan winked at Kenny before Kyle smacked him in the arm, rolling his eyes when Stan yelped like an injured puppy.

Kenny crossed his arms, leaning against the door frame. "There's always hope, Stanley." Straightening his suit jacket, Kenny looked at his half-broken watch, seeing through the broken glass, that Butters would be arriving any minute. "Okay guys, text me when he's here, this is really important to him, okay?"

They both nodded and stood about ten feet from the balloon entrance, waiting for Butters to come down the hall. Kyle, being a secret romantic, was excitedly shifting from one foot, to another, while Stan was admiring his giddiness. 

"I see him, Stan!" Kyle whispered, waving to Butters with a giant smile on his face. 

Sending a text to Kenny, Stan waved too, grabbing Kyle's free hand again. Butters approached them, oblivious to the balloons, as he was distracted by Stan and Kyle holding hands.

"Fellas, you're finally together!" Butters said excitedly, giving them a quick group hug.

Kyle laughed awkwardly, rubbing his free hand against the back of his neck. "Not yet. We have a date tonight." 

Butters went to say more, but Stan cut him off, pointing to the balloons above them. Finally noticing the decorations, Butters' eyes filled with wonder as they fell to the flower pedals on the ground. He followed them quietly, his stomach tightening with anxiety as he suspected that Kenny was behind it.

Opening the door to the outside, Butters was met with a smiling Kenny, and bouquet lilies. Butters' eyes welled up with tears as he covered his mouth, Kenny walking up to him slowly, that gorgeous smile never leaving his face. 

"Leo, my buttercup," Kenny started, placing the lilies in his hands gently. "Will you do me the honor of being my Prom date?"

With all of his hopes for Prom coming true, Butters only nodded quickly as tears spilled out of his eyes, throwing his around Kenny's neck. Kenny engulfed him in his arms, Butters whispering 'thank you', and 'I love you' in his ear. 

Butters was happy, and that made Kenny happy. They rocked back and forth together slowly, Kenny smiling against Butters' cheek in-between kisses. It was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I haven't been posting as much, my new job has completely gotten rid of any writing time. Today is my first day off in awhile, so I'm committing to pumping out the last few chapters for this story! :)
> 
> Thank you SO much for 2k hits! That's crazy amazing! You're all amazing, and wonderful people <3
> 
> I just posted the first chapter of my Bunny (w Style & Creek) fic, but I won't be continuing it until I'm done with Failure. I'm excited to post more of my ideas throughout this summer, and I hope they'll all just as good as this one.
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night bubbas! <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 5 chapters or so left.. I'm so happy I decided to write this, and I'm so grateful for every single read, comments, and kudos I've received. Thank you. I can never say that enough.

Sharon stood in front of Stan in her bathroom, trying to fix his unruly hair, but with no luck. As soon as Stan had informed Sharon that he finally asked Kyle out, she had been adamant on making him look good. There was no way in hell she was going to let him go out looking like an emo wannabe.

Although Stan was thankful that Sharon was so willing, and supportive, to help, he still folded his arms over his chest with his bottom lip jutted out, annoyed with the constant tugging of his hair. He hoped what she was doing was worth it, but at that point, Stan just wanted to go as he was.

"Mom," Stan whined as he faced away from the mirror, slumped in a chair they had dragged up the stairs from the kitchen. He couldn't stop glancing at his watch, not wanting to be even a second late to pick Kyle up.

When he asked Kyle out, he refused to give up hints about where they were going. In reality, Stan had no idea, and had spent the whole day trying to come up with something that was good enough for the love of his life. It was true that they were starting slow, and kinda as just friends, but Stan felt like he had to impress Kyle to great lengths.

Still working on fixing Stan's permanently messy hair, Sharon ignored her son's pouty face, trying to make conversation to calm his obvious anxiety. "So, I heard Kenny asked Butters to prom."

He seemed to brighten up at the mention of a good event. "Yeah, it was actually really sweet."

Beginning to give up a little on his hair, Sharon shook her fingers through his messy, black locks. "Are you going to ask Kyle?"

Honestly, Stan hadn't even thought about if Kyle wanted to go. It was their Junior Prom, so if they didn't go this year, there was always next year. Still, Stan felt inconsiderate for not even asking his opinion. "I don't know."

Realizing that Stan's mood seemed to shift a little, Sharon stepped back from him, deciding his hair was good enough. It was still messy, but it was more of a stylish messy now. Sharon turned him to the mirror, leaving to see what outfit he had picked up. Being Stan, she knew he would've picked something too casual for such a special event.

Stan examined himself in the mirror, smiling slightly as he took note of how much better he looked when his hair was brushed. Stan never thought he was ugly, but he had always felt that he wasn't attractive enough for Kyle. Now, staring at himself after all of the personal progress he had gone through, along with his mother's grooming, he felt like he could be enough for Kyle.

Satisfied with his hair, Stan left the bathroom and walked into his bedroom, sighing heavily as soon as he saw his mother going through his closet. He really thought the black jeans, hoodie and red converse were nice enough, but his mother obviously disagreed. 

His clothes were sprawled all over his bed, not one seeming to be good enough for either of them as they both looked for something nice. Deep in Stan's closet, they finally found a dark blue button up, and paired it with his black jeans. Although Sharon insisted on tucking the shirt in, Stan left it un-tucked, completely sure that it was small enough to not look too lazy.

Finally, both of them satisfied with his outfit, Stan grabbed his wallet, keys, and phone and went out to his truck. He very much appreciated his mother's help, but Stan felt as if he could breathe now that he was on his own, and that much closer to Kyle. 

Parking in front of Kyle's house though, made it that much more real for Stan. This was a terrifying leap for both of them, and as Stan decided whether or not he should go to the door, Kyle stared down from his window at Stan's truck, feeling the same anxieties he did. Despite his terrified feelings, Stan got out of his truck, and felt his legs shakes as walked up the short path to Kyle's house.

As soon as Stan knocked on the door, Kyle's dad opened it, as if he was standing there waiting for Stan to knock (which he was, but he would never tell Kyle). "Stan!" Gerald exclaimed, making it obvious he was excited. "Come in, Kyle should be down in a moment."

Coming down the last few steps before Stan could even step inside, Kyle tapped his father's shoulder. "I'm down here already. I'll see you later, dad."

Kyle squeezed passed his father, blushing intensely as soon as his eyes landed on Stan. God, he is beautiful. Kyle thought to himself as he took if Stan's laid-back, but stylish look, his hair filled with more volume as it tousled in the wind, his brown eyes filled with wonder as he found himself captivated by Kyle's appearance.

They stared at each for another moment, before Kyle forced himself to walk a few more steps to where Stan was, squeaking out a few words: "Y-You look nice, Stan."

Stan bit back a smile, holding his hand out for Kyle to take. "You look even nicer, Ky."

Rolling his eyes at Stan's flirtatiousness, Kyle gently took his hand, being led to his truck. Stan opened the door for him, which earned a groan from Kyle because although he appreciated it, he knew that he was more than capable of opening a car down. Just the little feminist in him.

As Stan's driver door slammed, he started laughing as soon as the truck fell silent, making Kyle jump. "What?! Is it what I'm wearing? Is it my hair? 'Cause I can go grab my hat-"

"Ky," Stan wiped a tear out of his eye, his thumb caressing Kyle's left cheek softly. "You know I love your hair, and you look perfect." Kyle just blushed, rolling his eyes as he dropped eye contact from Stan, feeling shy. "I was just laughing at the fact that this is so damn cheesy."

Looking up at him again, Kyle smiled a little. "What do you mean?"

Starting to drive now, Stan shrugged, motioning between them. "Me picking you up from your house, our parents being up our asses. It just feels like some shitty TV show that we're in."

Giggling at Stan's explanation, Kyle felt himself relax. This was feeling so natural to him now. At first, it felt awkward, but Stan always made him feel comfortable. "I know what you mean, dude. But where is our date?"

Although Stan felt like his date idea was also cheesy, his mother had reassured him that it was creative, and an amazing first date. But Stan wasn't going to give anything away, shrugging as he turned away from the main part of town, much to Kyle's surprise. 

To distract Kyle from figuring out where they were going, Stan started to tell him a random story that Kenny had told him, but that meant it was a little dirty. Kyle didn't seem to mind though, and laughed along to the story, holding his stomach when he laughed extra hard, which Stan really admire more than he thought.

Kyle abruptly stopped talking though as Stan's truck struggling up a steep drive, that led up to a camping ground. As he saw their surroundings, Kyle knew exactly where they were going - it was a campground they often came to as kids, where Kyle repeatedly had told Stan all those years ago, it was his favorite place on Earth. Because of how hard he had been working in school, Kyle couldn't come up there anymore, and Stan was the only one who would know that.

As Stan parked, Kyle couldn't figure out any words to say, so many thankful words flowing through his brain, yet, none of them seemed to be enough. Looking at Stan with tears in his big, green eyes, Kyle lunged at Stan, grabbing his face on each side, and capturing his lips sloppily into a long kiss. When he pulled away, Stan was blushing, trying to hide his smile.

"Stan.." Kyle started, breathless with love as looked between him, and the private camping ground. 

Before Kyle could continue talking though, Stan shushed him, stepping out of the truck, pulling some things from the bed of his truck. Kyle didn't see, until he got out, that Stan had grabbed a stereo, a bunch of blankets, and a cooler. This whole thing, was so unlike Stan to do, and Kyle was a on edge that something was going to go wrong. It was just so perfect, Kyle found it a little hard to believe that Stan would've come up with a plan that all fit together. But, Kyle did consider that he didn't know Stan as well as he used to. People do change.

Watching as Stan set everything up (Stan refused to let Kyle help), he looked over the edge of the kind-of cliff, seeing the lights of their small town. As much as Kyle hated South Park, he felt blessed to have grown up in a town where the environment was so rich, and so beautiful. 

"Ky," Stan motioned to the blankets, where Kyle sat, watching him attempt to light the fire. He had poured gasoline on it, and was trying to figure out how to light it, without killing himself. Kyle rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, as he got up, and found a piece of paper on the ground. Taking the lighter from Stan's hands without warning, Kyle lit the paper, dragging Stan back as he threw it on the gasoline soaked wood, flames erupting immediately. "Uh, thanks, Ky."

They sat together on the blankets, looking up at the sky for a moment, their shoulders lightly touching as they laid on their palms. Stan glanced at Kyle out of the corner of his eye, still feeling like he didn't have a right to stare at such a beautiful person. Even though Kyle kept his hair short now, Stan loved the way his red hair curled at the ends, and were always falling on his forehead, no matter how many times he fixed it. And Stan couldn't get over the fact that Kyle was wearing a big, cozy sweater, just looking like a cuddle bug, Stan could barely stand it.

Kyle was glad that at that moment, it was too dark for Stan to see the dark blush on his cheeks. He could feel Stan's eyes burning into him, but ignored it, because even though he was a little shy about it, Kyle loved that Stan was giving him attention. After a moment though, Kyle remembered the cooler, turning towards Stan. "Hey, what's in the cooler?"

Acting as if he wasn't just caught staring, Stan coughed, leaning towards the cooler and pulling it back with him. Opening the cooler, Kyle had to actually cover his mouth to keep from laughing. "Ice cream."

"Stan!" Kyle burst out into laughter, still trying to cover his mouth. "I thought this was a dinner date!"

Stan paled as he realized it wasn't late enough for them to have even had dinner. Stan slapped his forehead, avoiding Kyle's gaze as he set the cooler next to him. "I'm so sorry, Kyle. Craig helped me with this idea, but I planned the food, the music and the fire. I-"

"Hey," Kyle put a hand gently on Stan's knee, trying to calm him down from being upset with himself. It was good to know that Craig had helped him, and Stan was still himself, clumsy and not very smooth. "I love this. Relax."

Nodding slowly, Stan's shoulders relaxed from the tension they were holding. He didn't mean to be so tense, but he was little bit obsessed with everything being perfect for Kyle, even himself. He was definitely putting unnecessary pressure on himself, but fuck, it was Kyle, he had to.

It was awkward for a few moments, before Kyle moved closer to Stan, leaning into him, and wrapping his arm around his waist. With everything still being new, Stan found himself shocked by Kyle's sudden movement, but smiled into the touch as he set into the reality that it could be a regular thing, eventually.

"Oh shit," Stan said suddenly, moving to grab the stereo, and his phone from his pocket. Kyle quietly watched Stan plug in his phone to the aux, and scrolling through something, before settling back down, soft music pouring through the speakers. "I-I made you a playlist."

Kyle recognized it as some cute Indie music, which happened to also be his favorite type of music. Stan laid down with his arms crossed behind his head, smiling up at Kyle brightly, feeling the best he had in a long time. Laying down gently next to Stan, Kyle turned his face towards him, his left hand gently rubbing Stan's hip. 

Leaning gently towards Kyle's lips, Stan found himself breathless as their lips connected softly, his nerves going crazy with the contact. They pulled away briefly, both of their eyes hazy with a mix of love, lust and happiness. Kyle sat himself on Stan's stomach, leaning down to his face once again.

With Stan completely in awe of Kyle's loving eyes, he didn't know what to with his hands, or even with himself in general. As Kyle leaned in closer, Stan instinctively rubbed his palms up Kyle's back, pulling him fully into his lips, their sparks almost as bright as the fire next to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this isn't super important, but the one shots I wrote are now in a "book" instead of a series because it's less messy, so Text Back, Please. is now in a book. Anyways, long story short, between chapters of my other books, I'll be writing sad & fluffy one shots for fun <3)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was my birthday, so I decided to end the day with a chapter :)

It had been a few weeks since their first date, and Stan and Kyle had been inseparable ever since in various ways. Not only did their time alone together help their feelings develop further, but it also rebuilt the friendship that started their love in the first place. 

Because it was Stan and Kyle, it was still awkward as fuck. They kissed just a little more, and said a few loving words out loud, but overall, it was basically like a middle school relationship. No one, even them, were surprised by this though because Stan and Kyle were different people, which made their relationship different than what people thought was "normal".

They were both more than satisfied with the state of their relationship though, not wanting to be completely together yet, in fear that it could mentally fuck with both of them. Although they both were in a better head-space than where they were a month or two ago, they had some things to deal with separately before they could be together.

Stan wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even Kenny, but he was ready. His medication was working for him, his therapy sessions were helping him move passed his father's death and abuse, and he went every week to AA - he felt ready to be with Kyle fully. But Kyle was still dealing with feelings of rejection, and abandonment, from his mother, so Stan never shared his feelings.

Despite Stan still being a tad worried about Kyle, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. For once, he truly had a positive outlook for his and Kyle's future, and even his own future. Stan felt like he didn't need to lean on anyone to be happy, or for comfort now. He had grown, and overcame his alcoholism.

While Stan was feeling confident, happy and content, Kyle was not feeling the same way he was. Of course, he was happy that he finally had Stan, but his mother's disappointment still haunted him all night, and most of the day. He wanted to share his feelings with Stan, yet there was still that urge to hold back his feelings in words, and Kyle didn't know why.

Sitting in their art class together, Stan noticed how unusually quiet Kyle was, just staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. Looking down at his outlines for his new page of the comic book, Stan sighed, setting down his pencil. Softly and slowly, as to not scare Kyle, Stan wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing his face into Kyle's neck.

"Ky," Stan spoke softly after a moment of having no reaction. "I'm worried about you."

Seemingly just noticing Stan's affectionate hold, Kyle jumped, leaning his face on the top of Stan's head as he grabbed the arm that was wrapped around his stomach. "I'm okay.. I'm just thinking."

Now that Kyle was out of his trance, Stan sat up straight, pushing his messy hair off of his forehead and leaning into the back of his chair. "Baby, that's bullshit and you know it." Kyle blushed slightly at the pet name - he swore that he would never get used to Stan calling him that. "Please, talk to me."

"Okay, Stan." Kyle sighed, before turning to Stan, avoiding his patient stares. "I'm just still a little fucked up over my mom. I know I should just hate her, and forget it, but.. she's my mom. I just wish she loved me, for me."

Remaining quiet for a moment as Stan thought over his words, he tried to formulate the perfect sentence, not wanting to fuck up when Kyle needed him. "Well," He started, nearly stuttering over his words. "I went through the same thing with my dad. I know it's different because I'm bisexual, and you're gay, but I couldn't stay mad at my dad for not accepting me. Since you can make, or at least attempt to, amends with your mom, you should do it. Even if she's angry, or sad, or whatever she's feeling, she still loves you."

When did he get so fucking smart? Kyle thought to himself as he stared at Stan in awe, fighting the urge to tackle him, and make-out with him right there. And it was pretty hard for Kyle to fight that urge when Stan smirked, basically reading his mind.

Turning a little red, Kyle smiled, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous. "That was really good advice.." Kyle looked around the room quickly, making sure no one was looking at them, before he grabbed Stan's shirt, and planted a quick kiss on his lips. Unfortunately, Kyle had to pull away, but felt accomplished when he saw Stan's lustful eyes burning into him. "I don't know what I would do without you, love."

"Ky.." Stan mumbled, scowling at him. Kyle had accidentally figured out a few days ago, that when Stan was called 'love', it drove him a little crazy; not horny-crazy, but cuddly-crazy. It was like if Kyle even said the word now, Stan just wanted to cling to him, and be with him. Not that Kyle was complaining, though. "I-I admire you."

When they admitted their feelings a few weeks ago, they had both said they loved each other, but since they were taking it slow, it was silently agreed that those words wouldn't be uttered until it was appropriate. Kyle knew that Stan wanted to say it more than anything though, and was kind of hoping he would, even if it would count as moving fast.

Kyle grabbed Stan's left hand, rubbing the knuckles softly with his thumb, Stan getting chills from the simple touch. "I admire you. Loser."

Snatching his hand away, Stan rolled his eyes, fighting back a smile. He would tell Kyle he hated that, but his face always told differently. Since talking to Stan, Kyle felt a lot better, and more at ease about his upcoming birthday than he had in a little over a week. Kyle was hoping - no, praying - that his mother wouldn't show up, and let him have a good seventeenth birthday.

Just as Kyle was beginning to drift off into his thoughts again, the bell snapped him out of it, his hands finding his belongings, putting his things away in a robotic manner. This was normal for Kyle though, his thoughts surrounding school mostly always organized, and it was something that Stan admired about Kyle. But he admired every single thing about Kyle, too.

Lacing their fingers together perfectly, Stan and Kyle exited the classroom, ignoring people's complimenting comments. No one had seen Stan in years, but as soon as him and Kyle started dating, suddenly, he was popular. It annoyed him, but Kyle always assured him that it didn't matter, especially since they almost done with high school anyways.

They walked to Kyle's locker together, both of them brightening up even further when they saw Butters, Kenny, Craig and Tweek waiting for them, talking randomly among themselves. Stan knew what they were there about, and shared a knowing look with Craig, who just nudged Tweek. 

"Hey, fellas!" Butters greeted them with a bright smile, waving spasmodically  as usual.

Kyle smiled widely, closing his eyes momentarily as he waved back. "Hey, Butters! What's up, dudes?"

Just on cue as they had timed it, Tweek approached Kyle, and began frantically asking him about classes, waving his arms around desperately. Although this was just a distraction, Tweek actually needed help in some classes, so overall, their plan was solid. "I-I just can't fail, man! AGH! I-I gotta graduate, and get the FUCK out of here!"

Rubbing Tweek's shoulder soothingly, Kyle nodded, understanding Tweek's panic. "Okay, I'll tutor you, Tweek. We can start after school-"

"NO!" Tweek yelled, causing Kyle to jump in surprise. "S-Sorry, I-I have a test this hour. C-Can you help me a little right now?"

Stan didn't hear an answer, but Kyle walked over to him after a second, kissing him swiftly on the lips. "I'll see you later, baby."

Tweek dragged Kyle off, leaving Stan leaning against the lockers behind him, a love-struck smile on his face as he stared after the boy he was in love with. He could've stayed there and thought about his smile, and his oh-so-gorgeous face all day, but Craig snapped him out of it, scowling at the puppy love. Sure, he helped them get together, but that didn't mean it wasn't fucking gross to see everyday.

Huddling closer to the boys, Stan rubbed his hands together excitedly, glancing over his shoulder once more to see if Kyle was randomly coming back. "Alright, guys," He started, pulling out a small notebook from his back pocket, and flipping to his detailed plan for Kyle's birthday. "I talked to Kyle's dad, and he said we could have the party at his house, right after school. He said no alcohol - please don't bring any for my sake - and no weed, Craig."

Craig rolled his eyes, scoffing. "I don't smoke." They all stared at him for moment, knowing that he was full of shit, especially Kenny, who had smoked, and sold to him on more than one occasion. "Okay, I won't bring any. But Kenny can't either."

Butters looked expectantly at Kenny, waiting for him to confirm he wouldn't. When Kenny didn't even look at him, Butters huffed, poking Kenny's cheek. "Kenny."

Feeling equally as annoyed as Craig, Kenny groaned loudly, clasping Butters' hand in his. "Okay, okay. I won't bring any. I promise."

Nodding at both Craig and Kenny, Stan checked off the first box on his list - which was to make sure that Kyle wouldn't get in trouble with his dad. Moving onto the next one, which was about food, Stan scowled inwardly, knowing that there was going to be a shit ton of arguing over food. 

"So, food." They all opened their mouths, to suggest things, but Stan put up one finger. "I think he would want pizza, but I think we should get more than that."

Butters raised his hand timidly, a little afraid from Stan's serious posture. Stan pointed to him, allowing Butters to speak. "I-I think we should bring some food from Casa Bonita, he loves that place."

Scribbling it down in his notebook right away, Stan ignored the rest of the hands up, checking the box off. "Perfect." Scanning through the list, Stan began stressing out, realizing that there was too much to do in such a short amount of time. "Fuck.."

"What's up, dude?" Kenny asked, concern laced in his voice immediately. He was worried that Stan was putting too much stress on himself to make the party perfect, even though Kyle would simply love just the thought of it. 

Running his hands through his hair roughly, Stan showed Kenny the list, his hands shaking. "I-I can't do all of this, but it has to be perfect. It has to be."

Craig and Kenny exchanged a look. Even if Stan was recovered, they were always worried that if he experienced extreme stress, that he might turn back to the bottle, just to ease it for a minute. Craig stepped in, nudging Stan with his elbow. "Dude, it's Kyle. He's not even expecting a party, so the fact that you're throwing one for him will be special enough for him."

Stan nodded shakily, trying to slow his breathing. He was obviously being over dramatic, but he just admired Kyle so much, that he wanted to visually show him how special he was. But Stan knew Kyle better than anyone and knew that a party in general, was way more important that everything being perfect down to the last detail.

Breathing easily now, Stan felt his hands go still as he thought clearly once more, trying to just imagine the look of Kyle's face when he saw everything. That was the one thing keeping his focused. Stan moved to Kenny, crossing off a couple of the ridiculous tasks, and moving onto something that was essential. "Entertainment. Shit.. any ideas, guys?"

All of the boys came up sort in that department, except Kenny, who wrote down a few things before showing it to Stan. "His favorite movies. Basic, but relaxing."

The rest of the party was settled between them, and they parted ways as the last few seconds before the last bell approached them. Although Stan felt less panicked, he was holding onto one key point that not even Kenny knew about - making sure that Kyle's mom came after all the other boys had left.

While speaking with Gerald about the party, Stan asked about Sheila, and suggested that her and Kyle make amends. Of course, Stan thought he should be there as moral support, especially since Kyle was going to be angry at the fact that his mother was there in the first place, and might be saying things he wouldn't like.

It was a stupid ass idea, but Stan knew that it was worth a shot. To him, Kyle and his mom had a chance that Stan never got with his dad; and Stan wanted to give that chance to the person he loved the most.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I've taken forever to update, I've been working seven days a week, all day and have no time to write :( I'm definitely going to finish up this story in the next few days, and give everyone the ending they've been waiting for <3

Everyone watched as Stan paced around the room, waiting for Kyle to arrive home from tutoring with Tweek. Stan was anxious to see Kyle's reaction, and prayed to God that nothing would go wrong - even though to everyone else, everything was more than perfect.

It was a little annoying to everyone else watching Stan obsess over a birthday party like this. It was just Kyle's seventeenth birthday, he would have more, but Stan thought of this birthday party as an opportunity to prove to Kyle he was worthy of being his boyfriend. But, of course, no one else was aware of Stan's real motivation. 

Kenny was beyond watching Stan have a panic attack, but at the same time, was afraid to go near him, and cause him to explode. Looking at Craig as plea for help, Kenny motioned to Stan, shaking his head. Craig seemed to understand, and sigh, walking towards the mumbling mess of the boy in front of them.

"Stan," Craig approached, his voice perfectly monotone. "You gotta chill out man. Kyle will love this no matter what-"

"Okay," Stan said sharply, stopping in his tracks in front of Craig, his face turned away from him. "But what if he hates it? What if he expected more from me? I mean, he could totally end up just turning around and walking away. And what about his mom? Fucking hell, I should've just told him because I think it's a mistake now-"

SLAP!

Feeling a sting follow the loud sound, Stan held his burning cheek, looking up at Craig in disbelief. Craig only shrugged, placing the assaulting hand in his pocket again. "You wouldn't calm the fuck down." Kenny could be heard trying to muffle his laughs in the background, following Butters shushing him and trying not to laugh himself. "Anyways, why did you say something about Kyle's mom?"

Kenny looked around Craig's shoulder, and held up an eyebrow as Stan looked away from them, guiltiness obviously on his face. "Uh.. I-I talked to Kyle's dad, and talked him into making Sheila come see Kyle after you guys left? It was with good intentions, I don't want Kyle to suffer-"

"Stanley!" Kenny yelled, pushing Craig off to the side, more than anger written on his usually happy face. "If you want to be his boyfriend, stop meddling in his life! This is the last fucking thing you should've done, oh my god.."

Everyone's words were hitting him at a higher speed than he could comprehend, causing Stan to stumble back against the wall. For the first time since his dad had died, Stan was feeling the intense urge to drink, his body shaking with anxiety and fear as he fought against himself, not wanting to give into his demons. But, it was so easy for him to leave, and steal a bottle from the store - much easier than dealing with his stress.

Seeming to be the only one who noticed Stan's breakdown, Butters walked passed an arguing Kenny and Craig, and sat himself next to Stan lightly, his heart breaking as he watched his friend rocking back and forth on the floor. Butters connected with Stan like no one else, they were both emotional unstable, and more sensitive than most people even realized. Butters knew exactly how Stan felt all the time, which was something Kyle, nor Kenny, could give him.

He sat next to Stan in silence for a few moments, listening to his raged breathing as his head remained in his arms. Butters pulled his knees up to his chest, leaning his chin on his left knee, now close to Stan's ear to talk to him soothingly. "Hi, Stan. It's just me. Wanna talk about it?"

Although there was fighting going on around him, Stan smiled at the sound of Butters' sweet voice. Butters had always been the kindest person he knew, even when he was Professor Chaos, Stan always knew it was just a part of him he literally could not hide from anyone because he knew it was wrong.

Wiping his eyes slowly, Stan looked towards Butters only, laying his wet cheek on the top of his hand. "I-I always try to help.. but I just end up making things worse. And as soon as I start to feeling any sort of negative emotions, I want to grab a bottle. I'm pathetic."

Butters openly scowled at Stan, biting the inside of his cheek. He would have to tell Stan the same things he told himself over and over again, for years. "You don't have to be what everyone else wants you to be, Stan. Negative emotions are hard to deal with, but they're never going to go away. Just because you're scared, doesn't mean that you're pathetic! You have me, Craig, Tweek, Kenny, and - best of all - Kyle! You don't have to rely on booze to be there for you anymore."

Kenny and Craig had stopped arguing at the beginning of Butters' short speech, and were watching the two boys closely, Kenny falling even more in love with Butters from the way he comforted Stan. They exchanged a look of apology, before they knelt down next to Stan, both of them feeling guilty from the way they reacted. All of them were living in a fitted box, made for their character, but no one ever said they had to play along.

Trying to make amends for being a dick, Kenny softly put a hand on Stan's shoulder. "I didn't mean to overreact, I'm sorry. We'll stay here until Sheila gets here, and we'll back you up. If Kyle can get through this, it'll be good for him."

Feeling reassured by his amazing friends, Stan stood up and nodded, knowing that he had to gather himself before Kyle. The other boys didn't say much else as Stan cleaned up his appearance and smiled at them, trying to force himself to look as if he didn't almost relapse. Just as he felt himself start to breathe again, Stan jumped at the sound of the doorbell, slowly walking towards Kyle's front door where he and Tweek were waiting.

Upon opening the door though, Stan felt instant relief from seeing Kyle's wide, and knowing, smile, as he threw his arms around Stan's neck, peppering his cheek with kisses. "I fucking knew it! Thank you so much, Stanley!"

Releasing Stan all too soon, Kyle ran towards the other boys, giving them each a hug. Stan turned back to Tweek, who was twitching like fucking crazy, obviously distressed over something. 

"Tweek?" Stan cocked his head to the side as his twitchy friend came in. "You okay, man?"

Breathing deeply, Tweek nodded, his eyes darting over to Craig, before returning to Stan. "I-I am now. That-That was A LOT more stressful than I thought it would be!"

Leading Tweek to the group of boys laughing in the kitchen, Stan felt the feelings of his breakdown melt away as he watched the love of his life laugh happily with their friends. Finally, now that he could actually see Kyle's happiness, Stan felt like he did everything perfectly, but, still, they had to get through the arrival of Kyle's mom. 

Three hours of happiness.

Stan guessed that was about how much time they had before Kyle would be crushed. 

Joining in with the actual party though, Stan knew that he had to make this party memorable while it was good, hoping that the good memories would stick with him more than the bad. There was no telling how Kyle would react when his mother arrived, and whether any of them would even be in his life afterwards.

At the moment, Kyle was opening Craig's gift of the new Call of Duty for Xbox, while Stan stood in the background, holding his gift tightly in his arms. Stan had gotten this gift a couple of years ago, before the fallout of their friendship, and never got the chance to give it to him. For Kyle, Stan had traveled thousands of miles to get it, and knew that it would mean the world to him.

"Stan!" Kyle called out to him, Kenny pushing him towards Kyle, who was happily awaiting his present with a wide grin. "You're cute when you're nervous."

Still not used to Kyle complimenting him, Stan blushed, shoving his present into his arms while avoiding eye contact. Chewing on his thumb nail, he watched Kyle start to open it, only to freeze as he saw just a corner of it. "I-I got it for your birthday back when you were turning fourteen, but I never got to give it to you.."

Completely opening the gift now, Kyle couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a framed picture of Terrance and Phillip that Stan had taken, and their signatures on the bottom. Although Kyle went through a faze where he hated the show, when he got older, he rediscovered his love for it. This meant the world to Kyle.

"Baby.." Kyle clutched the frame to his chest, his eyes filling with tears as he looked at Stan's shy face. "I can't believe.. you went to Canada for me?"

Stan nodded, laughing nervously as everyone else in the room stared at him. "Uh.. yeah. I've been saving it since, in case, ya know, I got you back?"

Practically running out of his seat, Kyle threw himself onto Stan, his legs wrapped around Stan's hips as he hugged himself into his broad, and shuddering chest. Quickly holding his hands to Kyle's back to keep him from falling, he ignored his friends as the cooed and yelled stupid shit, cradling Kyle as he cried happily.

Setting Kyle down carefully, Stan laughed slightly as his friends argued over who the best couple was, Stan obviously knew it was them, but now was not the time to provide his input. Kyle wiped the tears off of his cheeks, kissing Stan swiftly on the lips, rubbing his cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Stan.. This is the best thing anyone has ever gotten me. Thank you so much, baby."

Basically swooning from Kyle's softly spoken words, Stan grinned as if he was high, giggling louder than he meant to. "Anything for my angel."

Sharing a short moment of loving glances, Stan and Kyle were quickly torn away by Butters grabbing the cake from the oven, walking it carefully to the kitchen table. They stabbed candles into the cake, the boys hungrily surrounding the cake as Stan lit the candle for Kyle to blow out. As soon as he did, Kenny grabbed the candles, throwing them into the trash, and grabbing for the knife to cut the cake.

Although Butters trusted Kenny, he didn't dare let Kenny touch it, being the only one to actual know, and believe his secret of not being able to die. But it wasn't only that, Butters had slaved over the cake for hours, skipping school just to make it, and he was not about to let Kenny destroy it in five minutes.

Delicately cutting slice of cake out for each boy (and an extra for Kenny, since he was always so hungry), Butters felt accomplished as he looked at the perfect insides of the cake. He could barely hide his sense of accomplishment as Kyle praised him for a perfect red velvet cake, devouring it faster than anyone.

While Kyle was enjoying the amazing cake that Butters had made, Stan was secretly watching the clock, scowling when he realized forty-five minutes had already gone by. Sure, Kyle was having a great time, and was happy, but Stan sure as hell wasn't. Stan had to keep reminding himself that it wasn't about him though, and tried to breath slowly to relax his anxiety.

Sensing Stan's anxiety, Kenny grabbed his hand tightly, squeezing it for a moment before letting go. Kenny wasn't good at comforting people (at least, in his opinion), but it was enough for Stan to insert himself into the conversation, and keeping up his mood.

After finishing their cake, the boys moved to the living room, popping in a Star Wars movie, which Kyle was ecstatic about. Stan couldn't help, but to admire Kyle's dorkiness, it was just too cute to ignore, especially when he was squealing right next to him.

During the movie, Stan cuddled Kyle, whispering stupid jokes, or bad pick-up lines in his ear when important parts weren't playing to distract him. Even though Stan tried his best not to distract Kyle, he still found the fact that Stan was whispering in his ear, very distracting. Though it wasn't Stan's intention, he was definitely turning Kyle on, much to both of their annoyance, especially since there were people around.

Somehow, making it through the entire movie, Stan felt a wave of relief when he looked at his phone and realized that Sheila was late, which, to Stan, meant that she wasn't even coming. The other boys looked at Stan, worried expressions on their faces as they also glanced at their watches, confused by the lack of Kyle's mom.

Just as Kyle was starting to talk with the other boys, the doorbell rang, prompting Stan to spring to his feet, anxiety immediately taking a hold on him. Butters got up with Stan, walking close next to him to the front door, both of the boys on high alert as they knew the homophobia Kyle's mom held. It was definitely going to be a long night.

Butters opened the door, Stan standing to his right, as they looked down at Sheila, the impact of cigarettes smoke hitting their noses. It was odd to smell that scent from someone like Kyle's mom, but it was obvious she was under a lot of personal stress, and decided to handle it by inhaling toxic chemicals. 

"Hi, Mrs. Broflovski." Stan greeted confidently, suddenly feeling as if Kyle would certainly meet this monster she had become. If she was that much of a mess after not being near her son for a short while, maybe she would start to accept him.

Sheila scowled at Stan, clutching her purse tightly to her side. "Hello, Stan." She came in quietly, not even acknowledging Butters, who was right in front of her. "Where's Kyle?"

Stan sighed at her harsh tone, feeling already that he had made the world's worst mistakes. "He's in the living room."

Following Sheila into the living room, Stan and Butters held their heads low, obviously seeing how wrong they were upon see Sheila. She was in no state to see her son, and both felt fucking stupid for not considering that.

Kyle stopped mid-sentence as he saw his mother come in, his face immediately turning a dark-red, representing the anger, and resentment he felt towards her. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Knowing that this would hurting their relationship, Sheila pointed to Stan. "Your idiot asked me to come."

Stan didn't look up as he felt all eyes on him, shame and guilt filling his head as Kyle's mother blamed him for everything on the spot. It wasn't fair, to him, that he was getting pointed out. She was the one who was homophobic after all, not him, so why should he feel guilty for at least trying to fix his baby's relationship with his mother?

I fucked up big time. Stan thought to himself as a thick silence filled the room, the entire house tasting of hatred. 

"What do you want?" Kyle asked calmly, but his fists were balled up against his sides, trying to hold back his anger for every person in the room. 

Sheila set her purse on the kitchen table, every boy in the room staring daggers at her. "I want to talk to my son on his birthday!" Kyle watched as she paused to sit down innocently, glaring at her. "Come sit, Bubbi!"

Kyle sat next to his mother with a thud, refusing to look at anyone else in the room. He was smart enough to realize that all of them were in on it, and that they had good intentions, but he was still pissed beyond belief.

This was it. He was finally going to face his mother, and ultimately, himself.


	28. Chapter 28

There was an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like forever. Kyle sat slouched in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at his mother, waiting to see if she would say more, or just sit there staring at him, too.

Everyone was absolutely fuming where they were sitting, looking back and forth from each other, to Kyle and his mom. The situation was way more tense than Stan had anticipated. He felt like he had to step in do something, anything, but he felt like he was being held back by something subconsciously. 

Just as all of the boys were about to say something, Kyle cleared his throat, Sheila raising an eyebrow at him amusingly. "Why are you really here?"

Sheila looked around Kyle, and directly at Stan, smirking. "Your fag boy said that we should make up."

Kyle made a mental note to totally kick Stan's ass after this, but only sighed at his mother, trying not to show any emotion to give her satisfaction. "Don't call him that. And I don't want to make up with someone like you."

The last words of Kyle's sentence spat out like venom, Stan visibly flinching at the intensity of his emotions. He had fucked up bad this time, and Stan didn't know if they would ever come back from this - he had basically ruined Kyle's birthday.

Unfazed by Kyle's assaulting words, Sheila pulled out a pamphlet from her purse. Pointing at the title, which read: "A Camp For Those Who Have Lost Their Way!", she grinned even wider, causing every boy in the room to groan. "I'm going to get you help, sweetie. You can get away from your fag friends, and-"

"Are you fucking serious?!" Kyle stood up abruptly, the chair he was sitting in, falling to the floor loudly. "How can you still think this is a choice? You didn't choose to be straight, but you are! I didn't choose to be gay, but I am!" Kyle picked up the pamphlet, tearing into shreds, and throwing it back in his mother's face. "Fuck you!"

As Sheila began shouting incoherently, Kyle grabbed his jacket, and marched out the front door, fumbling with anger. After everything he had told her before, she still insisted that he be "fixed"! Kyle was fucking sick of it, and he had only encountered her homophobia twice now. He sure as hell was not going to stick around, and get more dirt kicked in his face for being himself.

Stan watched with absolute horror, and guilt, as Kyle left, leaving everyone in the room either angry, or surprised. In fact, the only one who was angry, was Sheila - but that was just because her son was gay, and proud of it. None of the other boys moved, except Stan, would picked up Kyle's chair, sitting in it across from Sheila, leaning towards her with all of the intimidation he could muster.

"If you can't accept your son for who he is, maybe you're the one who needs to go to that fucking camp." Stan didn't bother to see her reaction, as he stood up abruptly, nodding to his friends. He wasn't going to let Kyle be alone, even if he was pissed at him.

Calmly walking out of the house, Stan looked around, for any signs of Kyle. It could be difficult to find him, but Stan had a feeling that Kyle went to their hang out spot. Stark's pond had played a huge role in both of their lives, and Stan knew that Kyle still went there sometimes to get away from his parents, or even his own thoughts. It was just another thing that Stan knew about Kyle.

Approaching the park leading Stark's pond, Stan felt his heart start to thump harder as he saw Kyle's red hair at the bench in front of the pond. Even if Kyle was going to end things with him, Stan felt grateful that he returned his feelings for awhile, even if it didn't go the way he wanted it to. 

Before Stan was even at the bench, Kyle turned around, causing Stan to stop in his tracks. "Why are you here?"

"Uh," Stan rubbed the back of his neck, his face turning red with shame. "I-I came to apologize for being a dumbass."

Kyle only rolled his eyes, motioning for Stan to sit next to him on the bench. Sitting far from Kyle, Stan sat with his head down. Although Kyle was mad, he had a few minutes of thinking about things before Stan had gotten there, and knew that if the situation was flipped, he would've done the same thing for him. He could be mad, but he could also understanding.

Taking Stan's right hand in his, Kyle waited until Stan made eye contact with him. As he finally did, Kyle smiled softly. "I understand, and I might be slightly mad, but I would've done the same for you."

Feeling more than relieved by Kyle's mature response, Stan embraced him tightly, fighting back tears. "Thank you, Kyle."

It may have been stupid, but in that moment, Kyle was annoyed by the fact that they weren't boyfriends. Stan had done so much for him in the short amount of time they had been together, yet, they still weren't officially together. Kyle roughly pulled away from the hug, reaching into his pocket to grab something he had found earlier that day, but had been distracted by other things. Laying it flat on his palm, Stan saw that it was his Super Best Friend necklace; he had kept his half all of these years.

Shocked, but able to comprehend the necklace in front of him, Stan reached into his shirt, pulling the other half of Kyle's necklace from around his neck. Both of the boys stared at their necklaces, completely baffled by the fact that they both kept their halves, despite their previous fallout.

Kyle was sure now, clasping it around his neck for the first time in years, that Stan was going to be in his life forever. "Stan.." Looking up at Kyle through his eyelashes innocently, Stan smiled softly, nearly choking Kyle up. "B-Be my boyfriend?"

It came out like a nervous child asking their parent for money, but nonetheless, Stan nodded vigorously. As he went to kiss Kyle softly, Stan slowed himself in, trying to have them savor the moment as he cupped the bottom of Kyle's jaw, slowly dragging him towards his lips. Their lips finally connected, Stan moving his lips softly against Kyle's, as his hands tugged on his curls excitedly, warm, tingling sensations erupting throughout his body.

When Stan pulled back, he opened his eyes to Kyle smiling like he had just taken a huge hit of acid, his lips parted slightly, and his eyes only half-open. Giggling at his boyfriend - Stan was ecstatic to call Kyle that, even in his thoughts - Stan caressed his cheek softly. "I love you, nerd."

Snapping out of his trance, Kyle felt all of his emotions rush the surface, causing him to start coughing. Stan instantly thought that he had been trying not to laugh, but after Kyle could breathe again, he cleared his throat, lacing his fingers with Stan's. "I love you too, asshole."

~

While Stan and Kyle were making out in the park, Craig, Tweek, Kenny, and Butters were at Kyle's house, trying to get Sheila to leave. When Stan had first left after Kyle, none of them even moved a muscle, or made an attempt to talk to Sheila, but then, Sheila had started to yell at them, as if she had a fucking right.

Now, Kenny and Sheila were basically screaming at each other, while Butters and Tweek were huddled in the corner, Craig standing protectively in front of them. Kenny couldn't back down, it just wasn't who he was, even if it put them in danger, he had to stand up for them.

Sheila was now threatening to call all of their parents, and Kenny was not about to let her take Butters away from him. If his parents were to find out, Butters would probably be forced to move away; overall, Kenny was fighting for their love in a way.

"Don't you argue with me, Kenny!" Sheila scolded, holding out her fat, pointy finger.

Baffled by the way she was speaking to him, Kenny slapped her finger away. "Bitch, you ain't my fucking mom!"

Craig snickered in the background, causing Sheila to swing her face towards him, trying to attack him as well. "Wait until I tell-"

Interrupting before she could get another word in, Craig held up a silent hand, his face unchanging. "My parents support me, they have since fourth grade. But, oh hey," Craig pretended to think, rubbing his chin dramatically. "didn't you also support Tweek and I's relationship?"

Of course, they all knew that she didn't want her son to be gay, but it still backed her into a corner, her face white as a sheet as she tried to pull an explanation out of her ass. Her mouth opened up like a hollow hole, her bottom lip trembling. "Well, I-I,"

She didn't have anything to say though, simply sitting at the kitchen table in defeat. In her mind, all she wanted was to protect her son, but she was slowly seeing that she was the one who was hurting him. Sheila knew that she couldn't change him, even if she didn't like it.

Craig sat next to her with a thud, not giving her an inch of understanding or pity. No, Craig refused to let a homophobic parent make him even a little emotional - no matter how angry it actually made him. Even if Craig was still in control, the rest of the room stopped breathing as they waited for her to answer, or to say anything at all.

As if everything was coming to a close, Kyle and Stan walked in the front door suddenly, laughing and holding each other close, both or their cheeks red with happiness. Sheila watched them, a small smile finding its way onto her face as she realized exactly how happy her son was with Stan. It was indeed in that moment, where she remembered that she wasn't the only person in her life.

Kyle walked up to her after saying some stern words to Stan, no other emotion but happiness plastered on his face. He looked down at his mother, feeling triumph in his journey of loving himself as he felt strong in front of her, for the first time in his entire life. "Mom." Sheila's eyes didn't disconnect with his as tears spilled from her eyes, almost tripping Kyle up. "I-I forgive you."

Sheila immediately started bawling, wrapping her arms around his waist as she fell to the floor, holding her face to her son's stomach. "I-I'm so sorry, Kyle! I should've been more understanding! I love you no matter what."

Looking back at Stan in disbelief, Kyle looked down at his sobbing mother, scowling. Stan only shrugged at his boyfriend, totally blindsided by Sheila's change in mind. Kyle sighed, lifting his mother to standing position, so he could see if she really meant what she said. "Do.. Do you mean it?"

Putting her hands gently on Kyle's cheeks, Sheila nodding as more tears smeared mascara down her cheeks. "Yes, Kyle. Your friends helped me see.. I-I was only thinking of myself." Sheila looked around at Stan, motioning for him to come close. Stan hesitantly approached, almost jumping back when Sheila grabbed his hand. "You make him happy, Stan. That's what matters."

It was almost unbelievable to Kyle - his mother admitting she was wrong and giving them her blessing seemed to good to be true, but the sincerity in her eyes, made Kyle engulf her in a hug. 

Kenny, Butters, Craig, and Stan stood protectively nearby though, watching carefully over their friend. All of them felt like there was some sort of catch, but chose to embrace her words at the moment, especially since it was making Kyle happy. Stan, most of all, felt comfortable for the first time in years; for once, everything in his life was alright, and it was all thanks to Kyle. Without Kyle, Stan was convinced he would be dead, or drunk, in a ditch, with no future, or any ambition to live.

Finally, there was no sad, angry, lost, depressed, angry, or grudge feelings -Stan was free, to be himself, and to be with the person he loved the most. Now, he was happy.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this a lot faster than I thought, next chapter is the last oh my god

For whatever reason, the universe was in the boy's favor, as the next few weeks were blissful for Stan and Kyle. There was actually no catch to Sheila accepting them, and she actually became their biggest supporter, sending them on dates whenever Kyle didn't have homework, and giving Stan money for presents.

Stan was obviously still skeptical, but he was like that with basically everyone, but Kyle and Kenny. Unlike Stan, Kyle felt no doubt whatsoever, embracing her mother's affection completely, even setting aside a day in the week to spend time with her. Most of his life, she had been a control freak, and now it was like she flipped a switch, and started acting like a mother who cared about more than school.

Even everything at school was good, everyone accepting all of the boys - even Clyde stopped being nasty, and douchey. It really was almost like they were in a dream, living a life they had always wanted. And it was nice to finally have everyone happy, in fact, Stan was the happiest out of everyone. He never felt the need to drink, and he was more affectionate than Kyle ever would've imagine (not that he was complaining though).

Lately, Token had been interacting with them more, relieving that he had no idea about Cartman and Clyde's stupid, and terrible plan, in fact, Token was actually very gay, and very into Clyde, unfortunately. But since realizing that Token was as innocent as they were to homophobic ploys, they had let Token hang out with their "group", playing video games, and other stupid shit, after school.

Friday was Token's birthday party, and he was throwing a pretty large party since his parents were going out of town. Stan wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was really fucking scared, it was his first time being so close to alcohol in so long, and even the thought of being close to it was tempting. From his meetings, Stan had discovered that although he clung to alcohol because of his depression, that it was also way more than possible that he would have the craving if it was even around him. He knew he should've talked to Kyle about it, but Kyle was pretty preoccupied with exams coming up, only giving his short kisses between classes because of his need to study.

It was Thursday afternoon when Stan decided to talk to a few people about it. First, he approached Token after third house, striking up normal conversation at first, but Token was smart, and could see through Stan's random questions.

"Stan," Token crossed his arms, leaning slightly against his locker. "What's wrong?"

Sighing way harder than he really needed to, Stan rubbed his cheek for a moment, moving closer to Token. "I-Is there going to be alcohol there? At your party?"

Rolling his eyes, Token scoffed a little, not knowing of Stan's struggle with addiction. "Duh, I'm a seventeen year old throwing a party, while my parents are out of town."

Stan immediately went pale, his eyes narrowing sharply. "Shit."

Without a further explanation, Stan walked out of the back door, walking to the gym where he knew Kenny would be hanging around outside, smoking a joint, or making out with Butters. As Stan approached the building he smelled weed, rolling his eyes as he walked around the corner, finding Kenny listening to music with a joint balancing in his fingers. As soon as Stan kicked Kenny to get his attention, Kenny jumped, dropping the joint into the grass.

"Shit, Stan!" Kenny picked it up quickly, observing it to make sure that he didn't lose any weed. "Dude, you almost killed my joint."

Stan rolled his eyes, sitting next to Kenny in the grass, making sure he was completely covered by the wall. "The smell is so strong dude, you should get one of those pens."

Taking a long drag from the joint, Kenny chuckled, his eyes bloodshot from the state of mind he was in. "No man, you know I like authentic weed." Stan rolled his eyes even harder than before, nearly calling his best friend a stupid stoner. Kenny knew that Stan was there for a reason though, suddenly grabbing his arm tightly, causing Stan to jump. "What's up?"

"Well," Stan started, his thumbs pressing together tightly as he stared at the grass. "Token told me there's going to be alcohol at the party and I'm.."

Kenny waited for Stan to finish, but knew he was never going to, because he hated to reveal how he felt. "Stan, talk to Kyle. He's got your back way more than I do, you know that."

Stan nodded, letting out a deep breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I know, but I guess I just needed you to tell me that."

Without a goodbye, because they knew they'd see each other in a few hours, Stan walked towards the school again, his chest tightening in anticipation as he rehearsed what he was going to say to Kyle in his head multiple times, tweaking it every time it was repeated in his head. 

As Stan approached the school, he spotted Kyle talking to Token at his locker, laughing so hard, that he was holding his stomach. It had only been a few weeks since they started dating, but Stan was hit with a hard stab of jealously, his stomach forming knots as Kyle pushed Token playful, his cheeks red. Stan was only hopping that it was from laughing hard, but his mind was working hard to convince him otherwise. 

But even though Stan's mind was panicking, he approached Kyle and Token with a smile, slipping his hand in Kyle's as he smiled a little too much. As Kyle was talking about some random shit that happened with a class earlier, Token shook his head, sending him a tight smile as he looked towards Clyde. To Stan, this relaxed him, because he realized that Token was trying to tell him that he somehow still had the hots for Clyde.

After Token left, Kyle hugged into Stan's chest, sighing happily as he memorized the way Stan's arms felt around his body. It wasn't as tight as usual though, and Kyle noticed giving Stan a knowing look as he pulled away. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Stan fought off a smile at Kyle's pet name, focusing on the fact that something was wrong. "I don't know if I should go to Token's party."

Kyle knew that he was worried about the temptation of alcohol, but Kyle knew that Stan had more control over himself than he realized. Still, Kyle placed his hand carefully on Stan's cheek comfortingly, locking his eyes with Stan's sad one's. "I'll be with you the entire time. You've got this, baby."

Although Stan knew that Kyle meant his words, as he stood outside Token's house on Friday afternoon, he knew there was no way he could be left alone. He hadn't slept the night before, being kept up worrying about how exactly he was going to avoid alcohol, and how he was even going to enjoy himself at all.

Kyle wasn't oblivious to the fact that Stan didn't trust himself still, but acted as if he didn't notice anything. When it came to Stan, it was better to make him believe that no one was onto him - if Stan knew if someone was onto him, it just made things way worse. So, Kyle had a plan to keep Stan busy, and preoccupied.

Unsurprisingly to Stan, Kenny was the one who supplied the alcohol, bringing in multiple kegs, and bottles of vodka and whiskey. Even though Stan didn't notice himself, Kyle watched as he forced himself back as someone started to pour whiskey, the smell invading his sober mind. Kyle managed to get him away from the bar though, leading him outside to where Kenny was with Butters, smoking a cigarettes, and talking about what stars would be out this time of year - something Craig had taught Kenny recently.

Most of the night was fine, until Wendy came up to Stan at some point, forcing a drink into his hand, not aware of his addiction either. Kyle watched from where he was getting food, not feeling panicked at all as Stan stared at it with wide eyes for a moment, a pain obviously overtaking his face, but, without anyone's help, Stan set the drink on a table behind him, and chugged his water.

After taking a long breath, Stan noticed that Kyle was watching him, and smiled widely, motioning for him to meet him outside. Forgetting about food completely, Kyle followed his boyfriend outside, his body being hit with the cooler air, a wave of relief hitting him. Stan stared up at the stars as Kyle wrapped his arms around his waist, following his eyes to what was above.

"I can do this, angel." Stan said softly, his eyes still fixated on the stars. "I can be myself with you."

Kyle knew he was referring to the alcohol, but knew that he was also so much more. Before their friendship ended years ago, Stan was always guarded, never letting anyone knew how felt about anything; now that they were together, Stan had shown how truly amazing he was to Kyle. He knew that's what Stan was really talking about.

"I know." Kyle said simply, rubbing Stan's back soothingly. "I love you."

Stan kissed Kyle's forehead softly, wrapping his arms protectively around his soulmate. "I love you."


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is the last chapter. It's been a long time since I've finished a book, but I'm so happy with how this turned out. I would like to thank everyone of my readers for even taking a glimpse at this, it means so much to me. And thank you to everyone who has told me how much they enjoyed this! I'll definitely be writing more, and I never plan on stopping. Thank you all so much for your support, and enjoy the last chapter! :)

Kyle walked across the stage, grabbing his diploma, and taking a picture with PC Principal, but only looking towards the one person who was waiting for him. At the end of the walk way leading back to their seats, was Stan, waiting for his boyfriend to kiss him in front of everyone. it was something they planned a long time ago, to officially proclaim their love for the entire city to say.

Both of their stomachs churned as Kyle walked down the steps, walking as slowly as possible to Stan, who waited with open arms. As soon as they were close enough to touch, Stan picked Kyle up, spinning him around, then firmly placing his lips on Kyle's gasps coming from the crowd. Although a lot of people knew of their relationship, most people of the town chose to be oblivious, but they could no longer be oblivious to love.

Stan and Kyle walked back to their seats, hand in hand as more people were called, nearly everyone getting the diplomas they worked hard for. Fortunately, because of Kyle's tutoring, Kenny was able to graduate, a huge, shit grin plastered on his face as he was able to hold his diploma in his hands. With how his parents turned out, Kenny had been convinced that he would never get far, but this proved he was worth more than South Park. 

After they had all be given their diploma, and they had taken pictures with family, Stan, Kyle, Craig, Tweek, Kenny, and Butters went out to their favorite place in town - a little diner where they could relax, and eat burgers and drink milk shakes. Of course, since none of them liked a lot of attention, they had went home and put on normal clothes.

Over the last years, they had all had their own struggles. Butters finally came out to his parents, in which they tried to ground him immediately, but he stood his ground, and demanded that they see things through his perspective. After a lot of fighting, and regretful words on both sides for months, Butters' parents decided to just ignored him - that's when Butters decided to live on campus at Colorado State University, where he was attending in the fall. From his experience with abusive parents, Butters was hoping to be a social worker, but he still wasn't sure about his future.

Craig and Tweek were strong than other, both attending a college in Boulder for the fall. They both didn't know what the hell they were wanting to go - well Craig didn't anyways. Tweek was secretly thinking about becoming an astrophysicist, and finding a way off the toxic, and corrupt Earth they lived on. Craig was planning on proposing to Tweek as soon as they were settled, but only told Stan.

Stan and Kenny were basically following their boyfriends to Fort Collins, both planning on do something that took little education. Knowing Kenny and Stan, it was expected that they wouldn't want anymore school, but Stan felt like he was a disappointment, even though college isn't a requirement to have a good life.

Although Kyle was going to school in Fort Collins with Butters, he had no idea what the fuck he wanted to do. All he knew, is that whatever he did, he wanted to do it with Stan. Through his entire senior year, Kyle was a damn train wreck, having intense mood swings and panic attacks daily, which nearly tore apart his and Stan's relationship. Stan stood through all of Kyle's anxiety though, being a pillar of relaxation, and support, for Kyle, and Stan was what ultimately made Kyle succeed.

As they all sat together for possibly the last time that year, Stan chose to speak up for once, looking every single one of his best friend's in the eye as he started his speech. "These last two years, have been the worst, and best years of my life." Stan paused, rolling his eyes at Craig's expression. "Alright, I know that was cliche, but it's true. Kenny has been the most supportive, and amazing friend ever, sticking around when I was literally drowning in alcohol. Craig and Tweek - you practically threw Kyle and I together, and I'm so grateful that you're both so smart."

Craig and Tweek fist bumped, Tweek giggling almost madly. "W-We just know what gay-denial looks like."

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes again, Stan looked towards Butters, who was staring at the table silently. "Butters," He quickly looked up hopefully, Stan smiling softly at the person who helped him more than he realized. "You helped me to realize that my feelings, aren't something that should be hidden. Because of you, I've become a stronger person." Butters' eyes welled up with tears at Stan's words, finally feeling appreciated, and listened to by someone other than his boyfriend.

Stan grabbed Kyle's knees, earning a squeal. "And baby," Kyle's face turned a light shade of pink as Stan stared deeply into his eyes. "You've shown me love like no one else before. And I showed you some last night-"

"Stan!" Kyle smacked Stan's arms roughly, his face bright red as he realized Stan was referring to their sex life.

Leaning back against the booth, his arm falling behind Tweek normally, Craig sipped his milkshake loudly, Stan looking at him with a bored expression. "Are you done with your gay ass speech?" Glaring at his sarcastic friend, Stan nodded, leaning back, too. "Okay. Keep in contact, or I'll kick all of your asses."

For Craig, that was saying a lot, and as they all went their separate ways, none of them felt anything else but happiness, and acceptance. 

Stan had began in loneliness, and despair, and now he was beginning again with Kyle - in love and sunshine. The suffering had been worth it, for all of them to end where they should be. 

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting in my new story Hate My Guts possible tonight, and I'll be updating once a week :) Thank you so much for everything, all of you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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